Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

It can be very painful in these early stages OP. As much as you feel badly towards him and know that the relationship needs to end you are still severing an emotional bond and that leaves a wound in your psyche. It will heal, but it still does hurt like hell.
I have always found distraction/keeping busy to be very helpful in the acute phase.

It hurts so much. Feel devastated. I’m trying to focus on this weekend. Sleepover, bday parties, etc… and exercising. Cooking first meal tonight in many days.

Plans are a good idea! Plans & lists, routines & structure, dont give yourself too much space to ruminate. Maybe a 'write everything down' session at intervals so that you can express things and stop them whirling around in your mind?
Enjoy your meal tonight😋

I found that cooking just for me took a bit of getting used to.

It saddened me at first but I enjoy it now.

The first time you do lots of things without him there, will pull your heart and mind in different and difficult directions.

Popping in here so I don’t lose the thread. Sometimes what can help (I’ve found) is thinking ahead. ‘This time tomorrow X will be done’, ‘This time next week Y will be over and I have Z to look forward to’. It’s a bit of a cliche, but ‘This too shall pass’ can be helpful when you’re in the midst of a painful situation that feels like it’s dragging on’.

Adjusting to a new norm is difficult.
But you will get there.

You are doing so incredibly well - I am in awe of your strength and compassion. Keep on keeping on, and allow yourself time to mourn too.

Just popping in to cheer you on, OP. It's a hard thing you're doing, but the best way to escape hell is to get through it, and you're doing that handily.

I think you need to hold on to this being the real him.

When you split it's hard but I think a lot of the heartache comes from looking at things as they could have been.

But never would have been because that wasn't the reality!

I found in this situation that minimising communication with my ex (outside of absolutely necessary) to be crucial. You don't seem to be getting much peace, OP. He should be busy sorting his flat and his life out. Instead he is intent on pecking your head, trying to get his way. Won't accept your decision. I'd be sorely tempted to block him.

A busy birthday weekend is just what you need now. It may be worth telling a few people what’s going on, so you have support lined up if needed. Distraction and options for being away from home, at least.

i think outerspacepotato's post on the last thread was very good, about intermittent reinforcement.

For 5 years you haven't been able to just relax with your son.
When you feel dead out stay hiding remembering good times just focus on your boy and do fun stuff with him for a while.
Relax in your own space

I find when I’m struggling over something I have to keep doing pro’s and con lists every time my mind starts to doubt my decisions. It quiets my mind for a while and helps me process difficult emotions.

Yes, and planning a simple treat for yourself, such as a really nice breakfast that you want to get out of bed for.

Also just posting so I don't lose such a great and empathetic thread. We've all got your back OP and you are doing incredibly well

I hope you have a quiet evening. I asked on the last thread about what you had actually told your therapist about your relationship so I hope you don’t mind if I post again here as I’m not sure which thread you’ll be checking.

Is it possible you may have downplayed some of his traits as you still wanted to work on it/salvage the relationship if possible? I know how common it is to hear all sorts of things about someone’s partner once they break up that they had kept to themselves for years. If you really told your therapist everything and they told you to compromise, I’d definitely be looking for a new therapist! Maybe even a specialist trauma counsellor if possible.

Yeah u r doing really well💔 tough decision but necessary to protect your future. Just keep reminding yourself that if anything happened to you, he would not have defended your son. He needs to learn to manage his life and his children on his own and not just look to a female to sort it for him. Until he does that his good looks etc etc will not be enough to sustain a long term relationship. He actually needs to bring something to the table himself. The sooner he accepts that, the sooner he will be to building his life back.
He was not nice to you. Like you, I don't mind carrying a bit of DPs weight but when they call you disgusting names, can't even be bothered doing basic minimum to show they care etc then there has to be a consequence. They will watch the life being sucked out of you and not give a hoot.
You did the only thing really you could do in the circumstances. He's totally to blame for th predicament he is in. He needs to learn from it now.

Every word of this: “Like you, I don't mind carrying a bit of DPs weight but when they call you disgusting names, can't even be bothered doing basic minimum to show they care etc then there has to be a consequence. They will watch the life being sucked out of you and not give a hoot.
You did the only thing really you could do in the circumstances. He's totally to blame for th predicament he is in. He needs to learn from it now.”

Turning in. Thanks all, quiet night w DC and tacos x

@PithyBeaker you're doing so so well! I hope you get a better, more peaceful sleep tonight. 🫂💐

Sleep well. You are an inspiration to your son, how you've handled all of this.

Reaching the weekend will be huge because he will also have to have confessed to his children (and presumably their mother) by then.

Sleep well @PithyBeaker

hopefully tomorrow will be better

Hope you get a decent kip tonight OP

Signing in and adding to the strength of the coven.