Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

I think you have been more than patient, but it really is now time to put this nonsense to bed. The only communicating I would be doing with him is around him collecting the rest of the stuff. Everything else is to be ignored.

He is not a psychiatrist, any armchair psychology - ignore.
His mother - tell her to fuck off and take her brat with her - ignore
Anything not relating to him collecting his stuff - ignore.

I would even set a date of when he needs to collect the rest of his things by, or they're going to the tip. No compromise, no storage units, no more engaging. You deserve to be able to move on and enjoy a peaceful life with your son.

This is beyond ridiculous. Block him,for the sake of your sanity.
He's a nutjob,don't enable anymore of his nuttiness.
It's well into the realm of harassment now.

This is harrassment. You will need to involve the police at this rate.
You must tell him clearly to stop messaging except via email to finalise disposal of his belongings.
You must block him.
If the harassment continues by email, tell him you will be informing the police.
Note any other stalking/harassing behaviour.

Finish this. It’s unhealthy and unsafe.

And surely this drivelling and snivelling has given you the ick by now?

Also, @PithyBeaker , last page! This thread will end. Will you start a fresh one?

@PrizedPickledPopcorn this exactly. He needs a visit from a couple of police officers. This is not normal behaviour.

You need to send him 1 message say that his remaining stuff at your house will be bagged/boxed up and on the doorstep on blah day at blah time and if its not collected within a couple of hours it will be disposed of, then tell him not to contact you again as any further phone calls messages or emails will be reported to the police as harassment and then block him on everything.
This man is show major red flags which mark him as a dangerous abuser please be safe and seriously consider speaking to the police about his verbal abuse of you in the relationship and his behaviour since you ended it.

I assume he had the kids this weekend and it wasn’t much fun then.
you need to get his stuff out this week and block him, he’s not going to get any better.

This 💯

He is still not respecting your boundaries, he is harassing you, trying to overwhelm and break you down to accede to his wishes

This @PithyBeaker. This is emotional abuse. My ex used to do this to me, even when I had implored him to give me space, send me long screeds of almost self help style advice designed to bring me round to his way of thinking. Mixed in with messages about how toxic I was etc but he loved me so much and so would never stop trying.... It is manipulative, boundary busting abusive behaviour.

You have to block him. He will not stop, otherwise.

So he's willing to do whatever it takes to have you "come home to him"? You asked for space and last night he messaged you 30 times.

That's all you need to know.

He is subjecting the op to harassment, I think he is now a stalker.

Could not agree more

He fumbled you.

He's not going to let you rest. 30 texts overnight is emotional abuse, crosses into harassment, and it's an attempt at sleep deprivation, and that's a form of physical abuse.

You're going to have to block. You've been nice and tried to maintain a relationship and he's trying to break you down any way he can to get his way, getting back into your house.

He is becoming more persistent because he cannot bear the future parenting his feral children.

He moved in after 5 months, totally a man on a mission.
That list of what he is NOW prepared to do is just proof of how much he used and abused you AND your son.
Your son is his victim too, he wanted him there less.
So completely unforgivable.
He has taken 5 years of your childs childhood, don't ever forget that.
He's a bad man on a mission to get back in your door.
He is kicking himself he ever left so easily, you can be guaranteed of that.
If he had his time again, he wouldn't have left so easily.
You are so lucky you got him out that door so easily.
He really over valued himself and bitterly regrets it. He's a horrible man and you NEVER knew the real him, no matter what you tell yourself.

@PithyBeaker For all his claptrap about your trauma, he is acting unhinged.
The phonecall was probably him wanting to justify why he sent 30 msgs (?!!) he then deleted.

Can you do as pp have suggested; tell him you will leave his stuff outside on Xdate. If he does not collect it, it will be disposed of.

Then block him in every way possible.

Done. Can’t believe I need a fourth 🫩 here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5531394-starting-a-fourth-thread-when-i-hoped-three-would-be-enough

He is unhinged. 30 messages and a call to someone he is no longer with. Do you see how mad this is Pithy? Do not let him back in your house, even to pick stuff up unless you have someone with you. It reminds me of a previous poster who had a similar situation and he turned up with feral children in tow to all apologise in the hope she would relent. I think he even turned up with said children at the posters holiday and expected to be hosted by her family there too.
I think you need to give a final 'do not contact me again or i will go to the police' message. Thereafter do not reply, defend, argue or explain. Send messages to a file and be prepared to contact police.

Kindly, you seem to believe that this man is your one and only chance at love, relationship, happiness. That noone else could ever possibly want you.
That's exactly what I believed when I split with my ex after 20 years. I believed that because he told me it was so and 20 years of abuse decimates your confidence, self - esteem etc.
It was not so at all.
It took a while to get back on my feet and repair the damage he'd done to me. I focused on living my life, travelling and having experiences that would have been denied me had I stayed with him.
A few years later I met my current partner. The one. I only wish I'd met him sooner.
You see, while you're pouring all this energy into a man who abuses you (gaslighting etc) you have less energy to find the life you should be living. While you're focused on a dead relationship you will never see the green shoots of a new life.
As others have said, block him and move on.
There is a happy, fulfilling life out there for you but you have to look forward and grab it. Stop looking behind and scrabbling for crumbs. Let it be over.

@PithyBeaker I know we all keep bashing on about this and you must be sick of it but please do stop communications with him now and get his stuff gone. Essentially you have 3 adults (and to a certain extent, 3 children) who want him back in your home asap and he is going to do anything he can to ensure he moves back in.

Logically, he's out of luck and time and he knows it. He could buy somewhere bigger himself but he doesn't want to (much easier to live in yours, heavily subsidised and have you there skivvying too), his ex doesn't want him to (if he has less money then probably less to go to her) and his mother won't want him to as (unless she lives a very inconvenient distance away) she will know she's going to end up picking up some of the childcare slack, plus it would take months and he wants back in now.

He isn't stupid. He must know the chances of him finding another woman, single, solvent and with a 4 bedroom house conveniently empty waiting for him and his DC is extremely slim. Then when you factor in her wanting to get together with him and have him and his feral DCs move in at warp speed, the odds narrow further. Then factor in her not having any family or friends to question the speed at which he needs to get his feet under her table, then it narrows further still. Plus he doesn't want to wait and doesn't see why he should. He feels utterly entitled to you and your home and has made that totally clear.

As far as the 3 adults are concerned (and he will have rewritten it and probably believes the following narrative himself) you are an utter bitch who has thrown him and his DC out and they are sadly all cramped in a tiny flat whilst you and your DS are now rattling around in a 4 bed house that is faaaaarrrr to big for you and really what on earth would you be doing with all that space and you can't possibly need it whereas my DC/DGC do need it and the only thing stopping them being in it is you being an fffing selfish bitch. They are almost certainly all good and mad at you (without any right at all to be so) and he is going to do nothing but pressurise you via whatever method he thinks might work to get you to have him move back in. I really don't think it can be doing your mental health any favours to be putting up with that, especially as he will be thoroughly aiming for anything he considers could be a weak spot 😥

Please take care of yourself x

This is exactly what he’s doing. Thank you. Helps to hear I’m not the only one (and sorry for you too x)

Honestly, blocking him so he could no longer do that/access my brain was the biggest relief of my life. No longer having that in my head was pure freedom!

Completely agree.
What woman wants a man with 3 feral children moving in, living off her, during a cost of living crisis that is only getting worse?

Those appetites are only getting bigger.
I bet in two months from now OP will not be abe to believe how better off she will be, able to save for her childs future by not having this user living off her.

He knows this, as per his 30 texts harassment of her.

Your son is his victim too, he wanted him there less.So completely unforgivable.
He has taken 5 years of your childs childhood, don't ever forget that.
He's a bad man on a mission to get back in your door.

Got it in a nutshell 💯

ETA: Time to block and get rid of his stuff 💥
If not for your own safety, then for your child's safety. @PithyBeaker

Yep. Then block her.

Finishing this thread.