Might need to leave home tonight with DS, big fight with H!

[DexterMorgansmum]

Hi I have another thread on here that spans months where I have been waiting and biding my time till son finishes Nat 5s this May for us to leave home, or to ask H to leave - H also said he might leave in August. Things have been strained with some almost normal like days where conversation is pleasant, but some ugly scenes now and then
Think H thinks when push comes to shove we love him and hence we will stay - we do love him as family (with him 23 years) but I dont think we can stay anymore

Today, he had some sort of blow up verbally with DS15 (turns 16 this weekend !, and we are in Scotland) and he asked DS15 to stop rolling his eyes and show respect, he needs to study 2 hours a day etc the usual - suddenly I heard him from upstairs say to DS to leave home and come back when ready to apologise -its 8pm pitch dark cold and lonely at this time of year outside in west lothian outside edinburgh

I went with son which angered H further , we walked around the estate once and came back as I could not walk anymore in the cold - I promised him if he gave a fake apology for now, we could discuss what to do when back upstairs warm and dry
So, my son does not want to wait till summer hols and wants us to leave now - he has already texted his friend and said his father's body langauge was physically threatening toward me , his mum, when I said I was going to go out with him and would not let him walk around alone (instead of siding with H on the too harsh punishment)
I am thinking of either taking a taxi tomm morning and getting a hotel room near DS school as Nat 5 assignments this week and he cant take more than one day off I would have thought at max - or to wait till saturday and then we leave. Hotel till funds run out and find an air bnb /spareroom co.uk/ rental. as early as possible. I have told son if there is any intimidation by H tonight I will call the police , I almost think DS was planning to just stay out as late as he dared tonight if I had not gone with him, and how safe would that have been for him???
I cant let this go on.....

Even though I have known for a while H leaves me with no choice, my mind is still extremely confused about taking this step , now instead of slowly over the summer.
Any advice pls ?

Sending you strength DMM I’ve been thinking of you since I read your other thread. Sending you so much strength

He’s an abuser. He doesn’t care that he’s destroying his relationship with his son.

Is there any way you could get your husband out of the house? Could you apply for a restraining order?

Good morning!
You can do this OP.

We’re rooting for you and your DS and you can always return to this thread if you need written support and encouragement.

you sound like a fantastic mum btw. Well done for standing up to your DS and listening to him!

Go to the school.
It is really important for DS that he has as little disruption as possible for the next four months. Your safety and DS schooling are wehat is most important.
The school might avail emergency accommodation on the grounds, know of a family, older school supporter or boarding house who would billet DS for a few months.
Is there a church associated with the school?
Would any of the congregation offer board for DS?

Phone the local Police and tell tham your plan; ask for them to help and to drive you.

Hope you’re safe

Courage today.

Your son made the decision to leave you say - but you must now hold firm and be strong for you both.

This is your burden to carry but many will help along the way. Get support from Women’s Aid or similar as he will escalate in behaviours now you have left, as he did before.

Do not send him that text in current form. Your situation will likely turn legal. Start by being factual now.

I wouldn’t propose communicating with him at all - but a more accurate text would be…

“For the wellbeing and safety of our son and I, we have removed ourselves from the home. Your coercive control, tracking & harassing behaviour is abusive and must stop.”

Write down all the incidents and get a restraining order/ non molestation order in place asap.

Good luck with everything, you are doing the right thing for you and your son ♥️♥️

Good luck for this morning OP.

Good luck this morning @DexterMorgansmum

Thinking of you this morning

Good luck for the morning @DexterMorgansmum

Good luck this morning, today will hopefully be the first day of a better life long term

Thinking of you this morning. Good luck and safe travels x

Op if your sons name is your username ask MN to take your thread down and change you username before posting again, it's too identifying and not safe given your circs. Good luck x

I meant standing up for your DS. Goodness, it was too early I suppose 🙈

I hope you are both safe and ok. It must have been very scary and stressful in the early hours trying to get away. You’re doing the right thing 🫂

Good luck. 🙏

Good morning. Hope all is well with you and that you manage to get away safely. Thinking of you and your ds. 🙏

Good luck this morning x

It isn't her son's name, Dexter Morgan is the main character in the TV show 'Dexter'.

Good luck for this morning. I hope everything goes okay 🤞Stay strong

Read the thread and just commenting to say I’m thinking of you and your son, praying for you both to have a safe and peaceful journey to England.

Good luck 💐

It's from a TV show.

Rooting for you today OP. Stay strong