Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

I’m so sorry to admit it is… it was how fine my hair was .. I’m a fool I know

I understand that, but if you were my mum in this situation, I'd want you with me away from this man. No harm in asking, let them know what's going on at the very least - they may even offer anyway.

I presume when the house sells, you'll be able to get yourself somewhere to call home?

I’d move in to my nearest bus stop before continuing to live with an outed hebephile.
I’d also notify police. I don’t know if they could/would do anything but I’d need to tell at least someone.

What's new with this? I live near a school and regularly see men of all ages gawping and letching at the young girls, it is ingrained in so many men. Least he was honest!

Why is it strange?

I used to work in the press and was given a list of child sex offenders. A huge proportion live by schools and childrens clubs. I will never forget it and I never looked at schools the same again.

So this makes it okay then...🤐

I might get shot down for this, but how old teenage girls? Because if its 16 / 17 / 18 then I assume all men feel this way. I used to feel this way when I was younger too. They're young people growing into their sexuality and they look much better than 50 / 60 years old bodies. 17 year old girls are sexually attractive.
If he's not doing anything about it then isnt he just voicing what we all think?

Pre pubescent / very young teenagers is different of course.

In any case you think hes a massive creep so just move in with your children or find somewhere. But no need for the performative self flaggelation.

I'll add my voice that this isn't something that reflects on you. Now you know, you can distance yourself while making plans to leave.

When you say he's admitted to liking girls, are you talking about late teens or pubescent girls?

I don't think it's unusual for a man of any age to look at a 17/18 year old girl and be sexually attracted. What is disturbing is that he felt it necessary to share such explicit details with you and it's completely inappropriate to be obviously letching at girls of any age.
Biology dictates that women look at boys that age and see children, men look at girls of the same age and see nubile/youthful woman. That he can't or won't control his behaviour is worrying and the fact he stresses he wouldn't do anything suggests he knows he's already crossing a line.
If he's actually attracted to younger girls, it's another matter entirely and one you should seek advice about.
It seems you're stuck between a rock and a hard place until your house sells. Can you afford a short term house share? At least you'd have peace of mind that you've left him.

Get yourself away from him, him being like that is nothing to do with you, but you being with him when you know he is does reflect badly.

OP you need to find an alternative place to live and maybe you can get advice on the housing issue from women's aid.

So many posters making excuses for these pathetic men!

There are many 12 or 13 year olds that easily look 16. Is it ok for men to look at them too?!

13/14 year olds 😢 it’s sick beyond words .. please don’t tell me all men are like this because I refuse to believe it .. a few posts are creeping in defending him

The context around your argument is the issue - and your relationship overall.

It was entirely normal for men of that age to be brought up with the idea that teenage girls were wank fodder/attractive - as any light reading of 1980s novels will show you (I'm currently on a Jilly Cooper where men in their 30s and 40s are bidding for a local girl on her 16th birthday. This was light humour at the time.) Sam Fox was 15 when she was photographed for Page 3. No one objected. So that in itself wouldn't phase me at all.

It's only very recently that this has become horrifying to us. The bigger issue for me are your feelings of disquiet and your arguing. Those are the things that need the focus here, IMO.

You’re sickened to the core but can still live with him? My guess is your guilt is centred around the fact you haven’t ended things with him immediately and moved out / pitched that tent.

I don't really know what you want from this thread other than people to state the bloody obvious which is to end your relationship ASAP.

You knew he was attracted to minors months ago though didn't you? You posted about it. Some might suggest thats why you feel so awful about it. Just dump the creep already, and find a way to get away from him.

You can’t be that sickened by him or you’d be moving out. You say 13 year olds? What do you want people to say?

of course it’s not you. But you are judged by the company you keep and you should be looking to house yourself elsewhere as a matter of urgency. Rent a room. Ask on your local Facebook community page.

the longer you stay with him, the longer you green light this behaviour

I would start by reporting him to the police. I hope a friend or family member can let you sleep on their couch for a bit.

What's happening with the house sale? If it's on the market, is your husband leaving it in a state/ being obstructive to EA/potential buyers? It needs to be sold ASAP.

Yes she was a young girl … looked about 16 … his eyes lit up when she came over.

This from the OPs last thread in December about how he was perving on a 16 year old.

And you have posted before about this and still you stay. You’re the one making excuses for him.

you need to work on yourself to examine why having a paedo boyfriend is something you can mentally accept

What a waste of everyone’s bloody time.

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/helptostop/?utm_source=paid%20search&utm_medium=google&utm_campaign=stopitnow_24_25&utm_content=www.stopitnow.org.uk/helptostop/?utm_source=paid%20search&utm_medium=google&utm_campaign=stopitnow_25_26&utm_content=lc_IWF&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22161333982&gbraid=0AAAAAC6NP7metVvNEOm0wdrjftvNWs52b&gclid=Cj0KCQiAy6vMBhDCARIsAK8rOgmll1_JxoKZlixepHSq2BzVCCMFj_BUJwwzZdZzwFFtiTa2DoFsJA0aAmFyEALw_wcB

Putting the link to Stop it Now, terrible name but helpful to family members of people who have these thoughts about children, they have an anonymous helpline as well.