Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

Thank you .. in a sea of playground bullying and pile ons when I’ve hit rock bottom and can’t see a way out of this I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I DID NOT know the extent of his perverted fantasies and desires. It’s all there in black and white .. thank you for being a better person.

You can't continue living with this man. Surely a sofa in one of your DC's sitting rooms is better than staying with an self-confessed pervert? If you lived near me I'd offer you my spare room.

When you say teenage girls do you mean like young adults 18/19? Or schoolgirls? As one is a bit gross and one is criminal

Sorry cross posted and saw your update 13/14.

How long until your house sells? Can you afford to rent until then?

I recently found out that my ExH has been messaging the teenage friends (17yo) of his own daughter. He is 50. So sadly it is more common than we would want to think. I dont blame myself for this or hold myself (or his now ex) for his hideous actions. You need to urgently work out an exit strategy. It may be uncomfortable for a while (I moved out into myb parents for a while with my DD when my ExH and I broke up) but it would be worth it. Stop beating yourself up and make plans.

The op has already made it clear that this man is attracted to minors.
Apart from anything else I'm wondering why he thought he was a good idea to tell you. I suppose he's testing your boundaries?
Is he extremely self absorbed, or not very bright?

This. You go to your ex husband or any decent friend and say something very serious has happened and I need to stay or a safe place.

Are you in danger from your ex? Because if not, are you sure he's the worst of the two monsters?
If you are frightened of your ex, then practically, I'd suggest you contact women's aid for advice on your options.
Whatever you do, please don't blame yourself as you had no way of knowing this disgusting man's predilection.

Probably not a good idea to post really nasty bitchy unhelpful little comments from behind a keyboard! You have too much time on your hands.. have you read the previous comment t? Where did it say he was attracted to minors?

You say you can't live back at your house due to your Ex also being a monster.

I'll not ask why he is but leave you to think which one of the two would it be worse living with.

Is your ex slowing the selling of the house down in any way?
After all why would he need to rush as he already has a place to stay and sees you also have a roof over your head.

What if your DP ask you to leave, better you go back to your house, have as little contact with the ex as possible and shishty the selling of it rather than having things drift on long term and risk being homeless or paying out rent when you've done nothing wrong.

You knew he was a creep a few months ago (a man in his 60s having a thing for a 16 year old is horrible). You really need to find a way to move out- have you looked at house shares or being a lodger? That isn’t ideal but better than being with a man who masterbates over kids?

This was culturally acceptable in the 1980s and 1990s - remember all those tabloid “gymslip topless girl” photos. Having lived through this, I think it’s way way more common than women realise

You know you are leaving. Make plans to do so.

Report to Police but they won't do anything.
He was sharing his inner thoughts.

Drop the price of the house to meet the market.
Why not auction it?

I don't think the police can do anything unless of course he's acted on his sick fantasy. They can't arrest him for what he thinks unless he has porn of minors or something like that.
I'm sure your children would rather you moved in with them then stayed with this sick pervert or rent a cheap bedsit if you really can't move in with them.
On a separate note try and make sure your ex is getting the house sold and not messing around and ruining viewings etc. You need the money ASAP.
I'm sorry you had to find out this man isn't who you thought but at least now you don't have to waste anymore time on him.

What are the police going to do?

He said teenage girls. He will just say he meant 16+.

Obviously he’s disgusting, but I suspect he is also just more honest than most men.

Most men will be attracted to teenage girls. To what extent they take this and whether or not they admit it is a different story.

OP, I'm really not trying to be horrible, but I really think this anger at other posters is just deflection and displacement so you can focus on something other than your nasty perverted boyfriend and what you have to do now and honestly should have done months ago. It's not your fault he's a paedophile and a bully and an all round bastard, but he is and you know ir, so please, please move your focus away from your bad background and excuse making and other people and blame shifting and just dump him.

I'm not defending him OP but I doubt that he can make himself stop being attracted to these very young girls. He can and should keep out of their way as far as is humanly possible, avoid driving past schools, not make friends with anyone who has daughters this age, distract himself when he starts fantasising, work at recognising that these are people who deserve respect, etc.

I have no idea why he told you about this. It has freaked you out understandably and I think your best bet is to put your energy into finding somewhere else to live as soon as possible. Even a room in a shared house or a hostel would be better than living with him. I hope you can get away soon.

OP don’t get upset by the posters being horrible- it’s clear from your previous post that you did not say he was attracted to children/minors and referred to him making a remark about liking redheads when you were served by a red-headed young woman or girl that appeared to be about 16. That’s not the same as “knowing he masturbates about girls aged 13/14” which you do know now.
It’s also clear that you don’t want to be with him.
You don’t need to feel shame.
i echo those saying to move as soon as you can to wherever you can feel safe and start to get on with your life.

Language is important. Your bf is attracted to children, not minors. Leave.

Nonsense. Unless you thought she was talking about 18/19 year olds? It wasn’t culturally acceptable to be a 60 year old man admitting you are attracted to 13 year olds. Thats what this man has told her.

If you were my mum I'd prefer you to burden me than stay living in your current situation. And it wouldn't be a burden. Same for my MIL.

I was also going to suggest sharing with the ex but have seen that's definitely not an option.

Are there any friends with whom you could stay while you get yourself sorted? In a spare room like a lodger.

Can you talk with the council or women's charity about some temporary emergency housing? I don't know how it works and I guess your name being on a mortgage would be challenging but if you can't live there because of your ex (I don't know details of what you mean by monster but I guessed DV), and you can't stay where you are.... I don't know.

The word minor isn’t very useful here OP. Minor means under 18 but you are referring to under 16s. There’s a legal differentiation between the two in the UK considering the consent laws. That may be causing some confusion in the thread.

Agree. Remember Brittany Spears in the 90’s. Made my life a misery as I was at school then and wore school uniform. Cue lots of catcalling/sexual abuse at school. Catcalling from older men, abuse from boys at school.

I really feel for you OP. I haven't RTFT but I have read all your posts, and I'm very sad for you.
'Not all men - but how do we know which ones' applies here.
You met a guy, seemed lovely, moved in with him to get away from a toxic situation with H in family home. Guy makes insensitive comment re your hair - ok, not great, but not a hanging offence. And men say stupid things 🤷
Guy then tells you that he's sexually attracted to young girls - that he looks out for and watches them when he's out and about, and goes home and wanks while thinking about them. That is a whole other level, and of course you're going to leave him. And of course this isn't a reflection on you, that he is a paedophile!
You have to decide which monster is safest for you to share accommodation with.
Is pervy guy going to make you move out now you won't sleep with him any more? Might he get violent? Might your H if you moved back in to the marital home?
You need to really weigh up the pros and cons of each option.
Good luck, and stay safe. 💐

I remember Mandy smith and Bill wyman? Sam fox? All those teenage pin ups?