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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

473 replies

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 10:30

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
LBFseBrom · 10/02/2026 11:51

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/02/2026 10:40

It’s no reflection on you op
we can’t read minds or use a crystal ball
he’s disgusting

I agree.

This is not your fault. You have nowhere to go for now though please do try, if you can. It's often possible to rent somewhere temporarily. That would be better than being with this guy.

Good luck.

WheresMyOtherSock · 10/02/2026 11:51

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:14

I wish I could but they have their own lives and I wouldn’t want to burden them… thank you for your kind words … they mean a lot

OP please reach out to your children. If my mother contacted me in similar circs there would be absolutely no question, she’d be living with me as long as needed.

You could never have known, don’t beat yourself up. You know what you know now and you’re planning to leave as soon as you can - this isn’t a reflection on you. All the best OP.

Starlight1979 · 10/02/2026 11:51

MollyFeather · 10/02/2026 11:49

And you have posted before about this and still you stay. You’re the one making excuses for him.

you need to work on yourself to examine why having a paedo boyfriend is something you can mentally accept

OP says in her last thread that she has very low self esteem which makes sense.

But still, absolutely no excuse whatsoever to stay with someone who is attracted to young girls.

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 11:52

Starlight1979 · 10/02/2026 11:48

Yes she was a young girl … looked about 16 … his eyes lit up when she came over.

This from the OPs last thread in December about how he was perving on a 16 year old.

She noticed it, then made digs about the size of his penis, but stayed with him anyway.

You know he's been a creep for months OP. Thats why I said it was performative self flaggellation. I appreciate you just want all of us to say hes a creep too.

He's a creep. You know it. We all know it. Just find a way out.

tryingtobesogood · 10/02/2026 11:53

Biology dictates that women look at boys that age and see children, men look at girls of the same age and see nubile/youthful woman.

This is not true, please do not perpetuate this kind of vile myth. It is outdated and unsubstantiated biased thinking based on old and discredited research

PeonyPatch · 10/02/2026 11:53

OP, I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It sounds horrendous. I’d be feeling really quite unsafe after his admission. I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

You need to run a Clare’s Law on him and understand his background better.

I would consider asking to stay with friends or family temporarily in the interim.

What’s the timeline on your house selling?

goodnessidontknow · 10/02/2026 11:54

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:42

13/14 year olds 😢 it’s sick beyond words .. please don’t tell me all men are like this because I refuse to believe it .. a few posts are creeping in defending him

I wouldn't start to defend that. I wouldn't defend grown men obviously looking at girls of any age but when you're talking about children it's a completely different matter.
I would suggest you call the NSPCC as a first step. They will be able to give you advice about what to do and will have details of local police liaison if needed. They were really supportive when my friend was on the other end of something similar with her daughter.

shhblackbag · 10/02/2026 11:54

None of this is your fault. He is ville, and you should get away from him, but his issues are nothing to do with you.

PeonyPatch · 10/02/2026 11:55

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 11:52

She noticed it, then made digs about the size of his penis, but stayed with him anyway.

You know he's been a creep for months OP. Thats why I said it was performative self flaggellation. I appreciate you just want all of us to say hes a creep too.

He's a creep. You know it. We all know it. Just find a way out.

Gosh, I didn’t see this update. So it sounds like you’ve known for a while. I would feel somewhat complicit by this stage, so gross. You need to get away from this vile creature….

ValidPistachio · 10/02/2026 11:56

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:22

I’m so sorry to admit it is… it was how fine my hair was .. I’m a fool I know

So what answers are you looking for this time, that you didn't receive last time?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 11:57

lots of men are monsters and they walk around in society among us

girl, the worst has happened. Should his house collapse beneath you, would you still ‘wait it out’? No, you’d leave and sort out emergency accommodation.

this man is a paedophile - you need to leave today and tell the police. When you get yourself together, start telling every woman in your immediate vicinity what he said to you and why you left.

you aren’t to blame for his thoughts. Go to your kids and explain the situation. Go back to the family home where your ex lives, you have the right to, until it sells.

leave girl. I suspect you’re worried about appearances, but they will have to be what they are. Accept it, accept that things are a mess and you’re trying to fix your life. That’s the way forward

best of luck

shhblackbag · 10/02/2026 11:57

MollyFeather · 10/02/2026 11:49

And you have posted before about this and still you stay. You’re the one making excuses for him.

you need to work on yourself to examine why having a paedo boyfriend is something you can mentally accept

Oh god... gross 😓

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:57

PeonyPatch · 10/02/2026 11:55

Gosh, I didn’t see this update. So it sounds like you’ve known for a while. I would feel somewhat complicit by this stage, so gross. You need to get away from this vile creature….

Daisy you are a blatant liar and I’ve reported you!!! I posted about him commenting on my fine hair as I’m going through the menopause… absolute nonsense ..

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 10/02/2026 11:58

surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??

Well, no. Thinking about sex with someone doesn't harm them.

If he's looking at explicit material featuring underage girls or if he's doing anything at all to approach, groom, spy on, touch or expose himself to them in any way whatsoever, then obviously he's harming them. But thinking about teenage girls and having a wank in private doesn't, on its own, harm them. It's absolutely foul, certainly, and he's a horrible creepy piece of shit. But what he has admitted to doesn't constitute harm.

However, obviously you need to dump him pronto because he's absolutely repulsive and gross. And for all we know he might actually be doing or have done all the things I listed above. I think I'd take steps to find out if he has any criminal convictions and I would also be inclined to have a look at his phone/computer/social media to see if there was anything on there that needed reporting to the police.

Does he have access to teenage girls through work, family, friends etc? The thought of, eg, someone like him working in a school or running a youth group or working in retail and managing teenage Saturday girls etc is making me feel a bit sick.

It's also incredibly weird that he actually admitted this to you. I mean, it's fortunate that he did, but it's bloody odd for a man to announce to his partner that he wanks off to thoughts of schoolgirls.

Viviennemary · 10/02/2026 11:58

He is a creepy weirdo at best and a criminal at worst. Move out. Back to your old house if necssary. Anything better than staying where you are.

Starlight1979 · 10/02/2026 11:58

PeonyPatch · 10/02/2026 11:53

OP, I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It sounds horrendous. I’d be feeling really quite unsafe after his admission. I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

You need to run a Clare’s Law on him and understand his background better.

I would consider asking to stay with friends or family temporarily in the interim.

What’s the timeline on your house selling?

You need to run a Clare’s Law on him and understand his background better.

What the fuck has "understanding his background" got to do with anything?! He is attracted to teenage girls. Absolutely nothing at all would make that ok.

Please don't give the OP advice that she needs to try to "help" and understand him.

No woman should be anywhere near a man like this.

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 11:59
judging naomi campbell GIF

Apparently you’ve posted before. Also, your responses are a bit aggressive..

anyway girl, just leave

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 12:00

I have never commented on this before… this has turned into some kind of pile on suggesting I knew about his proclivities before … I DID NOT!

OP posts:
Scaryscarytimes · 10/02/2026 12:00

I doubt the police will be interested, to be honest, as I imagine lots of men are attracted to teenage girls, and it's not a crime in itself, but I suppose it's possible there have been allegations against him and this might back those up. They're presumably not able to search someone's hard drive on the basis that they're known to be attracted to teenagers, unless you keep an eye on what he's doing online and find he's accessing child abuse images? It might be worth a Sarah's law application. But yes, hopefully you can find a way to move out. Maybe reduce the price of your house if it's not selling, or try to find a way to improve the look of the house to make it more attractive to buyers? Hopefully your ex isn't doing anything to put people off, while he enjoys living there.

CrazyGoatLady · 10/02/2026 12:00

wordledrivingmemad · 10/02/2026 11:20

This. First thought in most people’s mind is surely contact the police!

Based on what OP has said, there isn't really anything tangible she can report. He's checked out young girls while out and about (gross, but not illegal) and he's fantasised about teenage girls while masturbating (also gross, but not illegal) but has not committed any criminal acts from what has been disclosed here.

If she finds out anything reportable has happened (for example he has images of underage girls) then yes, she does need to report immediately.

RedToothBrush · 10/02/2026 12:01

These are not your feelings and views. You owe no one anything for his behaviour.

You are only responsible for your own behaviour.

Where I would have a problem would be with you justifying him in anyway, minimising his behaviour in anyway and frankly deciding to stay with him or continue to be friends with him. All this is within your control and responsibility.

Once you are over the initial shock reflect on this.

He is not a good man in anyway and if he is telling you this he is asking your permission to do it and he is seeking for you to accept it and tolerate it. Again think about the implications of this; he wants you to be complicit.

If he wants you to be complicit the next natural step is to do it with your full knowledge. If he is attracted in this way, it's not going to stop. It's an odd thing to tell someone you are supposedly in a relationship with. Why? Why tell you? What does this say about his relationship with you? Is it real? Or are you being used effectively as a cover for him?

You should run for the hills and not allow him to suck you into god knows what type of situation.

BellesAndGraces · 10/02/2026 12:01

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 12:00

I have never commented on this before… this has turned into some kind of pile on suggesting I knew about his proclivities before … I DID NOT!

Are you sure?

Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors
Happyjoe · 10/02/2026 12:01

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 11:36

I might get shot down for this, but how old teenage girls? Because if its 16 / 17 / 18 then I assume all men feel this way. I used to feel this way when I was younger too. They're young people growing into their sexuality and they look much better than 50 / 60 years old bodies. 17 year old girls are sexually attractive.
If he's not doing anything about it then isnt he just voicing what we all think?

Pre pubescent / very young teenagers is different of course.

In any case you think hes a massive creep so just move in with your children or find somewhere. But no need for the performative self flaggelation.

I've had this conversation with my other half in the past. About attractiveness shifts with age, at least it did with us and we are in our 50s and 60's. He said he doesn't think teenagers or women in their 20's are attractive sexually, same with me and men that age. We both said we can see that they are attractive, youth is always pretty but we had no thoughts about wanting to fuck them, the very thought was gross. I guess it's having a very important 'off switch'.

OtterlyAstounding · 10/02/2026 12:02

"Yes she was a young girl … looked about 16 … his eyes lit up when she came over." I just looked it up, and you said it.

You know what you should do, OP, if this is real. I suggest contacting a women's shelter of some sort, to see if they can help.