Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

Absolutely, but I don’t think it was generally ‘culturally acceptable’ in the UK at least as I only have experience of here, for men in their 60s to openly say their sexual preference and masturbation preference is 13 year old girls, even if some did say this and there are some examples of celebrities etc.

Hebephilia is a sexual preference for children in early adolescence, between ages 11 and 14. The concept is distinct from paedophilia. As far as I know -but ready to be corrected- a man’s desire for 15 and over isn’t categorised as a sexual perversion

13, no. Well….not that they would admit to.

16 is the legal age so 16 is what they will admit to.

Remember the lecherous countdown to Charlotte Church turning 16 so she would be “legal”?

Can’t you rent a room til your house sale is sorted?

It was in my town. The men used to regularly say “Is she legal yet?” About various girls. It was considered a funny catchphrase.

Deflection and displacement? Complete and utter rubbish! I know what he is… he’s a filthy despicable low down paedophile and the kind of man I warned my daughter about as a teenager.. he makes my flesh crawl and I despise him with every fibre of my being .. I came here for support not a pile on! I never said he was a paedophile in my original comments but this post has become a witch hunt because of my original comment about his previous dubious behaviour .. your comment isn’t helpful and you come across as holier than thou.

I’m sorry to hear that, what an awful state of affairs.

@MorrisHer - my heart goes out to you - you are in a really difficult position, and I am not going to condemn you or flame you at all. It would be easy to say you should just move out, but being homeless would be absolutely terrifying. I hope you can find a way out of this sooner rather than later.

This is not n you OP .
how long until you can leave ?
I have an issue with his story as in I never knew a pedophile case where nobody acted for that long . Do you think he might be committing crimes ? Online pedo porn or worse ? Do you have access to his stuff ?
This would make me very uncomfortable and o wouldn’t be using that time to make sure his story is real .

Yes that was my point, that I didn’t believe they would all openly ‘admit to it’ as it wasn’t “culturally acceptable” generally.

Thank you 🙏

Thank you so much. This is hard enough and the playground pile ons made things so much harder.. thank you for your kind words and for being the voice of reason.Means a lot 🌷

Jesus.
Get away from him, alert authorities. Log it in.
Regardless of you being a good person or whatever.

In the heading to the thread tbf. You said he told you. Direct your anger at him. I posted in support first before you started calling people liars. But you're right. Waste of time.

This is his foulness, not yours. You have to leave him straight away! And yes report him, he could have form.

Ok, so if you're not focusing all this anger on berating other posters for being "holier than thou" and equivalent (how is this your priority when you're dating a paedophile?) then what's it for? What support do you want?

Because this focus on people being holier than thou or bullies or whatever is definitely starting to look like your concern is with being reassured that you're a good person because you're sickened. But goodness competitions with other posters aside, what are you going to do?

OP, I'd want my Mum to 'burden' me. Honestly I would be horrified in this situation and do my best to help her out as much as I could even if it was just being able to offer her my sofa.

I wouldn’t want your “ support”
if you were the last person on earth.

@MorrisHer Instead of arguing with posters who are simply quoting your own words, focus your energy on leaving this man. You know he’s a vile creep, you’ve know this for months, yet are choosing to not get yourself out of this situation. It doesn’t matter how few options you think you have, you can and should leave immediately. Report him to the police - even if they do nothing, you will have done all that you can.

Fine. Whatever, OP.

he's a creep, yes you need to break up with him asap. The fact he's told you about his sexual preferences is a huge red flag IMO, he's 'testing' the waters, he has you in a very vulnerable financial position (as you have admitted) and now he's slowly grooming you to see if you're "game" for his sexual hobbies. This man sounds like a predator and I would run to the hills.

That’s gross op, but not a reflection on you in any way. Unfortunately I think this kind of thing is far more common than we might like to think. I suspect many men are attracted to young girls; they just don’t verbalise it.

You have plans to leave op, so I would concentrate on getting out of there asap.

Unless she finds underage porn in his phone/computer she can't report him to police just for "liking teens". I'm pretty sure she's going to find underage stuff if she investigates his tech devices, that's when she can (and should) go to the police.

I’m pretty sure that if my mum told me she was living with a paedophile that I’d be moving heaven and earth to make sure she didn’t have to spend a single night longer under the same roof. This seems like the obvious solution. TELL THEM. They will help you, even if they have their own lives. It could be their children he’s eyeing up next!