Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

No I haven’t … get your facts straight before posting your judgey childish little memes .. aggressive? No just defending myself against lies and pile ons!

Surely the OP knows what she's written in the past?!

I find him totally sick to think he can tell you of such a horror and expect you to accept / understand. Why does he think you would not be disgusted .There is no good outcome here . Sell your property , end this relationship and move on with your life .

So who posted this....?

Yes she was a young girl … looked about 16 … his eyes lit up when she came over.

Oh my God, that was you!

Why are you still with him? He pervs on very young girls, maybe even children, he insults you, you come on here to complain about it and tell us you're a good person and sickened but you don't just kick this nasty POS to the kerb? What do you want us to say?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452000-boyfriend-says-i-have-fine-hair-aibu-to-be-hurt?postsby=MorrisHer

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452000-boyfriend-says-i-have-fine-hair-aibu-to-be-hurt?postsby=MorrisHer

This was your post though right?

Apparently she doesn't.

So are you going to move out or not? If you really want to, then you can find a way.

Probably not a good idea to call people liars when they can pull stuff from your previous posts. Just get away from him.

Op , do you work? Can you get an air b and b or afford to rent somewhere?

Honestly, this is not your fault in any shape or form. Him telling you about the masturbating is really awful, really seedy.

Just wanted to say I had a boyfriend once who used to tell me about his wanking. One day he told me he looked at women's tits on the train then wanked in the train toilet. That just crossed a massive line for me- it showed how seedy he really was and I split up.with him. He too was a good looking, successful, sexy bloke but what went on in his head didn't match.

So even without the young girl issue ( which is utterly vile) you need to get away from him.

Ok, just read it.

It doesn't show anywhere where OP has said her fella has admitted to masturbating, thinking of young girls. That his eyes lit up with a girl, with red hair and said he had a thing for red heads.

While it's creepy and distasteful by the boyfriend, the OP is getting a pile on with this. We don't know if that comment about the red head was a one-off either? Not everyone will break up with their partner over one comment about a red head.

Is it not time MN'ters started supporting people? The OP needs out, we know she needs out, she knows she needs out. Support, rather than this kind of crap?

So sorry @MorrisHer - can’t believe posters are defending him.
My DCs teacher was convicted of paedophilia (images) and I know (of) a couple of other paedophiles. Met one, he was in his 60s too / had no idea when we met. He was also convicted.
Report him to the police, I’m sure he’s accessed images online. No way he hasn’t!!!

@MorrisHer I think I'd pitch a tent, or might renting a caravan be an option?

Are you working?

I read it. She has never written about her partner masturbating to girls or that he admitted he finds young girls sexually attractive.

One comment about a red head on a 16 year old is disgusting and the start of things to come out but she didn't know this at the time.

I just think is sad to pile on someone when they need help now.

Yes, this 100%.

I also hope they do not share a computer.

I posted about the hair thing and he said he had a thing for redheads . I said NOTHING about minors! Yes his behaviour was absolutely gross but I did NOT say anything about minors .. but yeah … pile on all you like cos my backs up against the wall and I couldn’t possibly feel any worse than I do .. there’s nothing left for me anyway .. All I’ve known is abuse and betrayal and no one has ever shown me anything in the way of respect … and I’m tired of treading water .. I did NOT lie.. what I disclosed initially is very different to what I disclosed in this post but if it makes you feel like some super sleuths then good for you!

Hey, don't take on his guilt. Do what you have to do, if that means staying there with him( as long as you are safe) then do it. Could you not move back into your home, i know your ex husband is there but it is still your home too so no need for a tent. If you are not comfortable with that start looking for a room to let. Please speak to a debt charity like Step one as get a plan in place, do it today it will feel so much better.
You have options, ditch the guilt and concentrate on sorting yourself out.

Him being attracted to children is no reflection on you, you have no responsibility for his disgusting revelation that he is attracted to 13/14 year olds and I’m presuming that you ended the relationship when he told you this?

People are fair, I think, to point out that a couple of months ago you posted that he said he ‘had a thing for redheads’ about a girl you say “looked about 16” and that his “his eyes lit up when she came over” as this is a massive red flag that is far outside what would be acceptable to most people.

Gently perhaps it’s a sign that it might be worth investing in some counselling to help explore why this wasn’t a relationship ending incident and help you have better boundaries and standards in future.

Is that something you would be prepared to do?

Oh good God, just seen there's no maybe about it... explicitly 13 and 14 year olds!

OP, what do you want from this thread? What do you want us to say? Do you want us to reassure you that you're still a good person because his paedophilia sickens you? Your boyfriend is a paedophile who insults you to erode your self esteem. In that you're a victim, but what do you want? Reassurance that you can stay with him so you can avoid the upheaval of dumping his sick arse and being single? Like those people who go on and on about how guilty they feel for having an affair so they can carry on doing it while imagining it's ok because they're self flagellating for it?

Just ditch him and tell him why! And keep an eye if you can in case you need to report anything. He clearly isn't one of those paedophiles who keeps it entirely in his head - he talks to you about it, he betrays it with his behaviour and he thinks there'll be no consequences in you knowing about it. Don't make him right, for fuck's sake.

my backs up against the wall

It's not, though. You can dump him. He's a fucking paedophile! Stop imagining that your background means dumping him isn't an option!

When I was a teen/early 20s I was SA’d by older men on busy trains, tube etc. I was stated at. You should’ve left this man as soon as you suspected he’s a perv. Move in with family or rent somewhere.

I posted about the hair thing and he said he had a thing for redheads . I said NOTHING about minors!

You said that he was eyeing up a 16 year old girl. And he's in his 60s.

It doesn't take a super sleuth to do an advanced search and look at your other threads.

Yes, in my 50's, literally no one is sexually attractive to me.

However, in my 30's, 40's yes I could see young people were attractive, and sexually. I was sexually active by choice at 14. I honestly think its human nature. Its rightly socially unacceptable to ever do anything about it and increasingly to talk about it. However, there is certainly a market for 'teen' porn.

In any case, this guy is a twat and the poster has known this for months. She should just leave.