Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

All of those, first picture looks ok and swipe through and think is that the same person yeah maybe 10 years ago! Sunglasses or hats on every picture, what are you hiding? It’s not difficult surely you are trying to put across your best version

@FleetwoodCam being a married man i find this quite interesting and funny. I didn't know that men (and women, I guess), would use such superlatives when writing their bios on dating apps. I had a mate of mine, who went on one such dating app and all he said was, ' love indie / rock music and going to gigs. Drop me a line if you are interested '. Surprisingly he did okay. He is now going out with a police inspector. Which is amusing, considering our numerous run ins we had with the coppers in our younger days!!

I wish you the best of luck. 👍

I can’t stop laughing at the he’s always the ugly one in the group pic

"ill fill this in later"
"no one reads this anyway"
"just ask if u want 2 kno"

To be fair, for reasons of "not sure if I am ready for this again," one of my profiles has just 3 pictures, and no words, and I get loads of ljjes, so I suspect most men don't read profiles anyway - but thry are wrong to assume women also don't.

The early 30s im finding hmm.no. im 35. The 37 to 42 seem to be really good. On hinge anyways. Dont go for looks. They need a good job assets and like to go on short trips abroad! Basically a male version of me

Hat fishing, just admit they are bald, it’s going to be found out eventually.

Oh and here for a good time, not for a long time bios and also some stupid motivational quotes falsely attributed to an actor.

Hatfishing 😂. Stealing that one when I next talk to my friends about this!

Them at the top of Pen Y Fan* crouching next to the sign and doing the thumbs up.

*insert any regional peak here

The job bit where they say works at none of your business or don’t be nosey

I'm married now, but from my memories of my dating site times any profile which was all about what you should be and not about them.... 'not interested in any liars, cheaters, self obsessed women, women with kids, women who are overweight' etc.

It's fine to have preferences but to use your opportunity to sell yourself to make some kind of anti-women commentary was always a massive ick for me.

Edit- just saw you had this under 'aggressive comments'. I still think this would be my number one!

its been about 18 months since i have been on them but instant left swipes for me:
stupid hats - mainly badly fitting baseball caps or hats rolled up so ears are still showing
the 'ask to find out' is super annoying
'love a good walk followed by a sunday lunch in a nice pub'...all the men into hiking and walking, i just don't understand how anyone is left in cities
'kids come first' but post pics of their kids in their bio.
pictures in dubai or ibiza - not for me
just a picture of your car/motorbike
i was on them for about 2 years i think, maybe a bit more, met someone lovely now through tinder and been 18 months, it is just a number game!

not interested in any liars, cheaters

Because of course, the rest of us are thinking, ooh, I'd love a good liar in my life...

And the liars are thinking, well, I would have swiped yes on that one, but if they don't want a liars, I guess it's not for me.

Well there are so many:

Let's get this out of the way first, women in not a lot with "Add me Insta", No.

Posing with pouting lips that are massive, plus im not a breast man so i could really do without the hanging gardens of Babylon thanks very much.

Photos where the expression resembles of a funeral

Also love heart shaped sunglasses are fantastic if your under twelve, i suppose

The phrase "see where the world takes us" should be banned also the "its about dancing in the rain" quote makes me want to vomit.

Pictures where the person is clearly having difficulty standing, or photos with a kebab on the way home.

Smiling women with missing front teeth. Mmmmm.

No

A couple more have sprung to mind

Describing themselves as "not a breast man" and referring to breasts as "hanging gardens of Babylon".

This is so true. It's worse when it's the first picture as is often the case.

" all these men hiking and walking I don't understand how anyone is left in cities " made me laugh!

I totally agree with "no drama" basically don't be anything other than happy

‘Looking for a partner in crime’. literally on every second profile I see.

🤣

Message me can't see likes. Just makes them sound a bit tight!
Slightly hypocritical though as I use the free version 😂

Pics of their kids in their bio, or pictures of their nephews/nieces etc in their bio with a line explaining they aren’t theirs. I’m surprised how many men think I would want to date someone who feels that kids should be on dating sites!

Another new one - no time wasters
So basically you have to be 100% sure you want to date the guy before chatting or you're wasting his time?
Similarly the "creative types" who then can't summon more than a five word sentence 😂

Just sticking up for the "creative types"! I'm a photographer and content designer. I do work with a fair few "odd ones", but by and large we're okay. I think my boss is on OLD, because all i hear from her every Monday morning is how bad her latest date was.