Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

Longest relationship under 10 years. You clearly have no ability to maintain a relationship for what ever reason.

Surely that depends on age? If someone is late 20s/early 30s, it's not that unreasonable.

(53, longest relationship 5 years. No idea what the reason is.)

I heard someone talk about this, it's possibly because when you have less time you're more likely to leave a relationship.

Was it a singular mosaic tile ?

Little man is my world or my kids are number 1. Well no shit Sherlock, but let's not start off buy you telling me I'll never be your priority.

Picture with a dog they dont own. Just to show they're that "type"

5 ft 11 and they turn up and they're 5ft 6. I genuinely don't give a shit but the insecurity is off-putting

Pictures that are 5 years...or 5 stone out of date

Maybe the app had pixelated it ... And it only needed one pixel

Rubbish selfies as their only pictures.

Pictures of them with children. Absolutely, inappropriate to have photos of children on a dating app.

The no time wasters thing doesn't bother me so much, but that's only because I ended up with a pen pal once who was a timewaster. I should have cut it off a lot sooner but after a good few weeks, I decided he wasn't going to meet me and unmatched him.

Ohhh and I hate "tell me your green flags". Errr behave as you actually do, rather than me telling you what I like so you can behave like that for three months until I'm invested and then you revert to type

🤣🤣🤣 I didn't look too closely. I think more of a bathroom wall tile 😁

🤣🤣🤣

I think both sexes fail to realise what is appealing to the opposite sex and what is not.

Men talking about the latest superhero film will not be appealing to women, and women going on about their favourite Taylor Swift album will not be appealing to men.

This is so true. I had one guy go on and on about how golf is probably the most difficult sport that one can do.

‘If you don’t look like your photos you’re buying the drinks until you do’ almost invariably with the your and you’re the wrong way round.
‘men who tell you their star sign
random capitals
Bios consisting mainly of emojis

really it’;s a mystery why I am still single

I’m all about the background photo details. Bad curtain/duvet/wallpaper - if you haven’t decorated since 1987 there’s a problem for me. Sat on white plastic chair in overgrown garden….Or even worse drinking/smoking while sat on your own doorstep? Selfie in front of your undercrackers drying on an airer? I’d report those profiles if I could and do all of womankind a favour 🤣

They're gruesome examples as is a profile picture my sister in law showed me. It was taken in Scarborough. I don't know Scarborough very well but I'd imagine there are more picturesque backdrops than standing at the end of an alley next to a doorway covered in peeling paint surrounded by dog ends on the ground.

This thread is cracking me up I love it

I won’t swipe on men that day ‘if you don’t look like your photos..’. Yuck.

”Doesn’t take life too seriously” makes me think he’ll be playing on the motorway

I have met some emoji users and it seems guys who aren't great at chatty written English often because it's not their first language - in my experience it's more often men in very good jobs who use technical language for work. But the AI users...not so much in profiles but in very very long messages and then no intention to meet.

Oh god, so many of these pics with a urinal in the background! Beautiful. 🫣

I'm not currently on the apps but when I was, a guy at work and I used to play the game 'Unhinged'. We'd spend many a lunchtime in the staffroom purposely trying to find the dodgy or red flag profiles on the various apps we used. (He was in his early 20s and gay, while I'm in my 30s and straight, so there wasn't any overlap in the profiles) Obviously all the ones mentioned previously appeared, but our personal favourites were

1. A guy who's main photo was a boomerang video of him winking
2. Horrendous tattoos. Including one of people's faces (not giving too much detail but 2 very famous people who notoriously didn't get on facing each other)
3. Photos wearing a work lanyard so it was possible find their full name and exactly where they worked (or similar very identifying info)

Not profile but also

1. Long unsolicited messages declaring undying love
2. 7.30am dick pics

We're both now in relationships so haven't played in a few months but quite a few married colleagues have mentioned how much they miss playing it with us!

But most of the dating apps demand you populate the star sign field, so the majority of people have that populated.

I couldn't care less about that one, but I refused to populate the pronouns field.

It's these sort of fields where I feel like there is social conditioning, because it's forcing everyone to use them.

I always refused to complete the pronouns one because it’s box ticking virtual signalling bollocks imo.

And most men don’t have a clue anyway - I've seen plenty of men with she/her

The best (worst) profile pictures I’ve seen are a guy in a coma and a guy sitting by a grave stone. So random.

Totally agree. Also adult children who have no idea their Dad has done that.

I matched with a guy yesterday, who had a little girl in 3 of his pics but face covered with an emoji. Okay, I though maybe he just doesn't have many pics without his child in.
I asked if he just had the one daughter, he said it's his niece! Like what the hell? His niece in 3 out of 5 pics? I wonder if the parents know?