Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

Oh, I have no issue with creative types...just the ones who then have zero to say! Creative people should be interesting, surely?

Obvious bogeys hanging out of their noses. Surely you look at your photos before you post?

Too close up selfies with their phone covering 3/4 of their face usually taken in a public toilet wearing an obligatory hiviz vest.

I think the ones you are referring to, are the 'anal brigade'. They're very particular and won't converse with anyone whose not aware of Maholy-Nagy or El Lissisitsky, or has sampled the latest eateries Hackney. Hence, why it it hard for them to converse like normal adults. Like you and me 🤣

That's definitely not male only that one. Possibly a 50/50 split

Yes, both sexes are guilty of this.

Group photos on dating apps, you can guarantee that the fat one in the photo is the person in profile.

First no no is definitely kids. At no point should you have a child on your dating profile. It's so gutting when they seem nice and then oh hi kids... Swipe!
Second I don't like it when they are always in sunglasses. I like nice eyes so it's an important feature for me.
And then if they have negative connotations in their bio. Sell me you, not what you don't want.
When they put "no drama" or "if you're not going to chat don't bother", "this place is awful, hopefully someone better will come along".
Id love to put a list of everything you must be and all the things that infuriate me with OLD as it sucks out there.
But I want to know about the person so you are wasting time not telling me about yourself.

Most of what OP said.

Also any profile where you’re giving me the middle finger. Seriously, that’s one of your best photos?

Where they haven’t written a single word about themselves. Every answer is “ask” or filled in with a full stop. Are you really so arrogant as to think that you look so good in your photos that I’m going to engage with you purely on that basis?

The ones who say the way to their heart or whatever is to feed them. No, feed yourself or phone your mum.

The ones who just want “someone honest”. Screams victim mentality.

I saw one once where his bio was just one word - man

Errrrr that must have taken some thought and effort to write

Anyone who is sticking their tongue out in photos

Laying in bed topless trying (and usually failing miserably) to look seductive

"Looking for a partner in crime"

"University of life" or "school of hard knocks" under Education

"Never kno what to put here lol" or "I'll fill this in later".

Agree with the aggressive “no fat chicks” style approach.

As a lesbian who feels the same about this part of the body, this made me chortle! I’ve definitely swiped past the more buxom ladies in the past. Each to their own.

definitely the laying down on the bed selfie shots and those in the bathroom mirror 🤮

Often from a middle-aged man who hasn't been near a gym in the last 20 years...

You have to be joking? Crows up their nose? 🙀

The guys who's first message is nice tits.....😡😳 Or the ones who send loads of gifs saying I miss you 🤢🤢 when I asked how can you miss me if we have never met....radio silent😂😂😂

Radio silence even

This is hilarious and so true!

More please!

Having swiped left on so many apps that I basically ran out of profiles, I’ve got a few niche hates:

Beige/greige/vinyl sofas/ugly knick-knacks/home looks like an Airbnb;

Photo on a bike in Lycra (fine, nice to have hobbies, but it puts them in the “hiking every Sunday followed by a roast” camp for me);

All their photos are gym selfies (really not into men who’ll want to talk about their macros);

Tongue out/weird pouting/‘wacky’ expression;
Haircut like a photo in a barber’s window;

References to “sarcasm”/“banter”/“dark humour” (the latter is “banter” for someone with a degree);

Sexual innuendo (OK on Feeld, out of place on Hinge).

I’ve basically given up for now 😬

The Block to Burn lady has an account called wordcasescenario on FaceBook which is very good at getting to why some profiles should be avoided.

With you on the ‘my little princess’ brigade, with extra ick if they only see said little princess every other weekend.
‘No drama’ is just convenient shorthand for ‘I have no emotional intelligence whatsoever and will treat you like shit’

Anything negative or aggressive
Any spelling mistake, deliberate or not
Football shirt - happy to watch footballers wearing it but you ain’t no footballer bruv
Bad hands
Tiny head
Chronically downturned mouth
‘404 friendly’
Nights out and cosy nights in
One of those standard copy and paste paragraphs about the ideal date
I’ve also learned to be extremely cautious about any mention of poetry.

"I don't bite - unless you ask nicely. LOL." 🙄