Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

What's wrong with a man like in poetry?
Or did you find they were lying and trying to convince you their intelligent and sensitive when they're not?

The latter. Had two guys write ‘poems’ for me. Horrific.

Sounds quite sweet.

”I’ve got my shit together”

Have you, really? Those who do, don’t need to proclaim it.

“Not looking for a penpal” 🙄

Been a while since OLD but the men who start off really nice and pleasant when messaging then BAM sex talk in the middle of nowhere with no context.

Edit: oops profile icks . 😬

At least with a profile ick you know they’re a non-starter before you waste time messaging

Group pics: which one are you?
skiing pics: but what’s your face look like?
sunglasses and hat: cant see your face
pics of them riding a bike/running a marathon: err no

Endless messaging, no attempt to meet in person
cancelling at short notice then never getting in touch again

The one who responded to the prompt ‘what’s your ideal first date’ with ‘shagging you at the end of the night’

Who said romance is dead !

🧌

TBF I think Robin from Ghosts probably had more emotional awareness than a lot of the guys I saw on Hinge.

😂😂

Poor spelling, punctuation or text speak. Complete no.
As others have said about "ask me"

If you can't be bothered to fill it in or want to do it later, suggest you will also put zero effort into a relationship.

Messages that start with " hello beautiful" or "your gorgeous"

Longest relationship under 10 years. You clearly have no ability to maintain a relationship for what ever reason.

I do sometimes wonder what the competition is though.

As a man, my auto left swipes would be:

’intimacy without commitment’
SPAG errors (I can usually tell the auto correct ones so I’ll let those through!)
Unsmiling
All photos with cleavage
Roast dinners (esp Carvery!)
Holidays ‘anywhere hot with a pool’
Vegan
Not giving their real name!
Huge, multi colour tattoos
Interests: ‘ND’
Profiles that say nothing….. thinking just a picture is enough
‘Message me as I can’t see likes’- on Bumble?: Not a sign of intelligence
I did see just one profile holding a fish - she probably got a lot of right swipes, just not from me!
Similarly, I did see one who wouldn’t leave the house without ‘condoms, lube, femfresh wipes’: Again, she probably got plenty of likes but 😬🤮

I’m not averse to lists of likes, dislikes: At least it’s honest, you know where you stand and it’s better to filter early (God knows, you do need to filter!)

Am I fussy? Yes, probably. But think I’ll stay this way!

Messages that start with " hello beautiful" or "your gorgeous"

I matched with a guy who on first glance looked a good catch - good looking, decent job, own home etc - who literally responded to every message with ‘your (sic) gorgeous ‘

After about 3 attempts to engage him in conversation i said ‘is there nothing else you’ve got to say other than you’re gorgeous - he responded ‘lol sexy girl 💋

If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through

On the plus side, at least their honesty means you can avoid them!

like you say, the ‘ no drama’ guys

The ‘I don’t take myself seriously/ want a woman who doesn’t taker herself seriously’ guys.

Guys who slag off women on the dating site. Why do men do this?! Why do they think this makes them attractive?!

@GoldDuster🤣

Interesting that your definition of a good catch is about looks and money:

"good looking, decent job, own home"

What does 404 friendly mean? 🤔

@MarshmallowsOnToast
@PermanentTemporary

i need to know too !

OK with smoking weed.

Is that not ‘420 friendly’?

@IworkMiracles Likewise, would love to know what I’m up against….
Tell me your age and I’ll send you a selection if you like 😂 as long as you do the same!

I think you're right!
410 is the bus route from Crystal Palce to Shotfield.
My bad!

I love this thread which i stumbled across. I married and have no inclination of leaving my wife but, I can't believe there are so many neanderthals (men), who use such clichés. Plus, judging the times some of these comments were posted, there are a lot of insomniacsehoview this thread!!

Carry on! 😀

Not at all about money it’s about being equal and on similar level. But interesting you seem to equate having a decent job as being all about money