Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

lol sorry about the numerical error, shows how much I know - I had to look it up when I saw it on a profile and typed it from memory this time.

Anyone who takes a selfie in a filthy bathroom mirror or with a loo in the background (minus extra points if the seat is up 🤢)

Also learnt anyone who’d taken a car selfie was also to be avoided

Apologies for the typo, I meant to say there are a lot of insomniacs who view this thread!

its the lying photos. Received a pic of a man next to a steam train. Not keen on train spotters, but I wanted to try a meet. I have no idea if it was his pic or not but if it was, it had to be at least 30 years ago! or someone else's,
If, you have not got the courage to put your photo modern day on then do not bother joining!

I know two different friends who went on dates only to discover the person in the photos wasn’t who turned up.

One was a woman in her 70’s who admitted using her daughters photos to claim to be early 50’s and got upset with my mate crying ‘age is only a number’

And another mate was waiting outside Liverpool Steer and a completely random stranger walked over and said ‘hi Dave I’m Sarah’ - it was a totally different person to her profile pics. He was shocked and said ‘you’re not the same person as your profile’ and did just shrugged and said ‘well we’re here now let’s make most of it’ - no attempt to explain it apologise.

He just said ‘no thanks I’m off’ and got train home!

I think there's nothing wrong with wanting a man who's good looking, decent job and own home @TwistedWonder but if you had not messaged him before to find this out, then this brings up one of my MASSIVE icks - men SAYING that "own home/own car" etc on their profile. I'm guessing he did this? I would say that's something to steer clear of because in my opinion that should be a given!! Perhaps the age range I'm looking at (late 30s/early 40s) but I think you should definitely have those things by then!

To add to the list:

Job: "I have one, thanks" or "undisclosed" or something like that - yes we'd all hope at the bare MINIMUM you have a job. It's obviously not one you're proud of, or you'd write it on there?

agree with the negativity ones - anything negative like "don't match if you're not going to talk" etc is a no

the "not looking for penpals" or "not into endless texting" also are a no - it makes me think they don't care about chatting for a bit to decide if they're a) a safe enough person for me to go on a date with or b) someone I'm actually interested in enough to go on a date

I actually hate ANY selfie, but I try to accept that maybe a few are ok. But a profile full of selfies is not as it makes me think you don't even have a good mate who can stage a pic of you out together! Also hard no to any selfies in bed/gym

Any topless photos (except maybe if it's on a beach or something)

Not smiling in pics.

All the others things people have said too tbf!

Oh and a couple of the worst I've seen -
"6' 8" and that's two different measurements"

And also "just finished a 10 year sentence, marriage not prison"

I don't do OLD anymore, can't be arsed with it all, but I remember one bloke called himself Phil the Tiler and he sent me a photo of himself naked, holding a tile in front of his nether regions. I didn't respond 😅

And in their heads - they think this is really going to tick boxes? Really you should be grateful they’ve filtered themselves out, saves you the bother 😂

It's been a while since I did OLD but I do recall the women with that awful "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" quote and giving them an instant swerve.

• When they describe themselves as "traditional" or looking for something traditional. I just assume it means that they expect the house to be cleaned and dinner on the table when they got home. Pass.
• Wanting a girl who "takes care of themselves". I read it as meaning thin and that being make-up free and in sweats will be frowned upon. Pass.
• "Doesn't take themselves too seriously" = "I don't want you to take yourself at all seriously so I don't have to either". Pass.
• People who lie about their age. It screams "I don't care about your boundaries and I'm going to try and game the system to get what I want". Pass.

In the case of the traditional blokes, id hope they then earn enough to support me and my lifestyle so I dont have to work, but somehow they also want you to pay half the bills 🤔

I haven't been on the apps for 5 years but I remember getting the instant ick from mirror selfies, and photos of groups of drunk men on a night out. I actually met my husband on an app and his photo was him brushing his teeth on a camping trip!!

Was his name Ian and was he from Rotherham?

It's the same re the women, she'll almost always be the fat one!

Stand by for tidal wave of abuse!

No Steve from Kent but seems there’s a few of them out there

Rather lying about age - there’s another thread where a few are arguing that it’s absolutely fine to knock a few years off because you don’t know how old someone is when you first meet them in the wild.

They’re either deliberately missing the point or being obtuse as it’s the lie thats the issue not the age.

If a man tells me he’s 60 then that’s great, I’d go on a date with him. But if he says he’s 55 and it turns out he’s 60 then imo he’s a liar and I’m out! I don’t get why that’s so hard for some people to fathom

@Bittenonce standing by 😂

Youve clearly made an error using the word fat. According to their profile they are "big and beautiful', or 'voluptuous" or have a 'big personality'". I tend to avoid.

Another one to avoid it the phrase "im looking for a man to take us on". As a behavioural specialist in a primary school, im not coming home to more work. Little Jimmy may well be " misunderstood pyromaniac" but it'll be a no.

Lastly for now, "ive been badly hurt in the past" means along the lones of"I got pregnant by a bloke who's doing a ten year stretch at HMP Wakefield and I want you to pay all the bills till he gets out on parole and punches your lights out"

Mo thanks, I like my teeth.

They have a photo wearing an ill fitting suit with their elderly mother say on the sofa in the background and the house is a shit tip, clearly indicating they have never left home.

Conversely the women who describe themselves as "traditional" generally seem to mean "I expect you to pay for EVERYTHING".

I mean if you want a traditional relationship that means the man goes out to work and the woman stays at home to raise the kids, so he would be expected to pay for everything as he is the earner.

Isn't that just normal anyway ? That bulging, six figure bank balance is as expected as being over 6ft.

No - I’d expect a man to earn his own money but not to bankroll me. I’d rather pay my own way

I don’t mind the odd treat but I would also treat him in return.

Not done OLD for a few tears due to meeting my partner on there but two who I still remember one who his profile picture was taken in his kitchen and it looked like a still from hoarders, there wasn't an inch of worktop that wasn't a foot high in washing up, tins packets etc. If that was the kitchen dread to think what the rest of the house looked like.

The other one messaged me to say your a bloke really ain't you, funnily enough I was female when I gave birth to three children .

The ones who claimed a job and when you met them had health conditions which meant they were on long term sick and not working not very attractive prospect