Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom

[GetridofStuff]

Hi I haven't posted here before, please be kind! I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I found the corner of a condom packet on the windowsill of my bedroom this afternoon. It is the same colour as the ones we keep in a bedside drawer. Photos attached. I just don't know where it could have come from. DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time. Been married 30 years, 3 kids who have lots of issues so it's often stressful. In our mid 50s, I am of course perimenopausal so haven't felt like sex for a long time. Although I do think about it, just not about having it with him!
Anyway been trying to think how this thing got there, the window was open earlier, could it have blown in but it just seems too much of a coincidence that it is exactly the colour of the condoms we used to use! Please tell me honestly what you think. Honestly can't believe am asking strangers on the internet but don't want to ask him about it yet.

Could be this, or experimenting with Viagra or similar. I understand why you’re scared to broach it, but it could be nothing.

He's not on any meds at all. I assumed it was his alcohol use. I suggested that to him the last time we tried and he agreed. But didn't go to doctor or reduce his intake.

Actually, I can imagine that! Gets Viagra - does it work? Blimey, it does! So will it stay up with a condom on? Mmmm ...

I'm not by any means saying this is what happened. Just joining in the speculation. It's a lot more likely than a bit of exactly the same type of condom wrapper blowing in through the window or a fragment working its way up from under the carpet after five years and hopping onto the windowsill.

You're gonna have to ask him, OP.

So taking another route here but if I found 6 year out of date condoms I might be curious to see what state it was in.

I would perhaps just mention I was clearing the bedside draws and noticed the condoms we're out of date, maybe watch his face to see if he panics

Is he using suppositories for anything? Condoms can be useful for keeping your hands clean if you're easily grossed out.

Yes, it's not like he can put it on and do his hobby/sport and then use it for extra marital sex- the thing would likely have wrinkled and dropped off like a ''gone to sleep'' sock inside a Wellington boot.

Or surely a latex glove - that would be better?

Lol. Fully aware they are out of date. Before the ED we weren't using any as I am unlikely to get pregnant. These have just been left to rot in his bedside drawer. But he could have bought some new ones the same and that's what I found. He has always bought the same type I think.

Well I guess but I'm saying if you haven't remembered to procure said gloves. I was using painkillers once and they seemed the logical thing to grab since we don't use them any more.

Could they have been used by both of you together if the use by date was so long ago?

He's just gone out. I guess I should look for evidence.😳

Or…he’s deliberately done it so you ask where it came from and you initiate a conversation on state of your sexual relationship?

🤷🏼‍♀️

I honestly don't believe in this "posh wank" nonsense that is talked about here - and only on here.

Good luck OP. At least if you find something you have something more concrete to bring up. I hope you get answers that satisfy you.

There is a chap {Doctor} I follow on You Tube- the algorithm knew I was interested in WW1, and flagged his channel.
This Doctor disinters Battlefields and finds Soldier's Bodies buried where they fell and they are re-buried in appropriate Military Cemeteries - but a lot of the WW2 Soldiers have condoms with them..

Did you know how many in drawer?
does it look less?
have you checked the ones in drawer in case one got caught in drawer and ripped corner off etc

Is the laundry basket next to the window ledge? He could have been empting his pockets of rubbish before putting trousers in the basket and accidentally left the corner of the wrapper.

Doesn't help you to understand why he had opened it in the first place though

Do your adult children live at home/visit ? ….

It blows my mind then people on here can’t ask their husband a basic question.

‘Have you used those condoms? They’re out of date.’ is an easy enough way to start a conversation.

Ive known a man wank into condoms

Lots of men and teens do. I heard of it back in 1990's even.

It is not only talked about on here - the term "posh wank" predates mumsnet by who knows how many years, certainly when I was at secondary school in the early 1990s it was a well known term.

I'll go even further to say that as a male, it is also very much a thing, I know, because I have done it. And as at least one person said, if they'd found a condom that was 6 yrs out of date (so possibly at least eight years old if not more) they would be curious to discover the condition of it.

My first thought when I read this post was "posh wank". My second thought was he'd been using it to practice with (given the numerous and pull-no-punches comments from the OP regarding the ED). Third thought was that the wrapper is from long ago and had found its way into something (the corner of a book, a mattress, anywhere for that matter) and found its way out. Fourth thought was he'd used a condom to cover something he was inserting into himself.

Frankly, from the comments and tone of the OP, the prospect of him having used it in their home for someone else's pleasure should be low down on her list of things which need discussing.

It's most likely to be your son experimenting with putting one on OP.

I’m not sure I’d ask him about it right away. If he is up to no good, it’ll warn him to be more secretive.

I’d maybe leave it for a couple of weeks and be very vigilant about his movements etc. Best to keep an eye out while his guard’s down. If he WFH and you’re out of the house for long periods, is it possible your DH encourages your DC to go out of the house for a couple of hours? Could you casually check with your DC?

You could still ask DH about it in a couple of weeks. I’d consider replacing the rest with new ones, though, if there’s any chance it could be one of your kids and they’re embarrassed to ask.