Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom

[GetridofStuff]

Hi I haven't posted here before, please be kind! I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I found the corner of a condom packet on the windowsill of my bedroom this afternoon. It is the same colour as the ones we keep in a bedside drawer. Photos attached. I just don't know where it could have come from. DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time. Been married 30 years, 3 kids who have lots of issues so it's often stressful. In our mid 50s, I am of course perimenopausal so haven't felt like sex for a long time. Although I do think about it, just not about having it with him!
Anyway been trying to think how this thing got there, the window was open earlier, could it have blown in but it just seems too much of a coincidence that it is exactly the colour of the condoms we used to use! Please tell me honestly what you think. Honestly can't believe am asking strangers on the internet but don't want to ask him about it yet.

Not funny to joke about animal abuse, Curtainqueen People in animal rescue say it is real, and causes suffering to innocent animals.
It's a criminal offence and really cruel and perverted.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c33nv8x64mlo

Yes, could your son have found them and was curious?

Are you sure it's not a DC, found them, opened one out of curiosity and then chucked it away?

I can remember a friend bringing one into school and us all crowding round in awe to have a look 🤣

I’d be checking the doorbell cam if you have one. Do any women come to the house - friend, dog walker, cleaner etc? I wouldn’t assume his ED is permanent or not partner specific, sorry. It’s a rare man in his 50s who doesn’t want sex for years on end.

Yes it is near laundry basket and he has always been good at emptying his pockets before putting dirty clothes in.

Checked bedroom, bathroom and office bins. Nothing.

🙄

Yes, young teens and condoms..I used to keep an uncounted amount in the family first aid box with the proviso that son and his friends could help themselves without asking.

The numbers used to go down, and the charity I worked for said it was good for young people to familiarise themselves with condoms and even playing around with them was good as it got therm used to how they work and are used.

I’d probably just straight out ask him. You found a condom wrapper likely used by your partner somewhere. There’s no other good explanation.

Mmm, that’s suggesting it could’ve been in a pocket then. Which means he could’ve used it elsewhere.

I’d deffo keep an eye on him for a while before asking about it,

In our mid 50s, I am of course perimenopausal so haven't felt like sex for a long time.

Kindly, OP, if you're mid 50s you are probably almost post menopause and won't need contraception. If you're 55 the odds of becoming pregnant are pretty much zero.

So they can't be of much use anyway - as you've said since I edited this post.

Kids are young adults. One moved out. Eldest severely autistic. The old condoms are buried in his messy bedside drawers. I just got one out to check if it was same packaging as fragment I found. We used to use them years ago, then had a few years not using any before we stopped. We would not use out of date condoms.

This. .. then see who is sweating it. OP , are these your old unused ones & have you been away recently for an opportunity to arise. Worst case scenario which I think you have to face is he’s had someone in your home and I would hazard a guess this is no accident that they have left evidence behind. Think like a less classy version of an earring in the bed or knickers in the laundry. Confront him with it and you will know from his reaction.

Kids’ bedroom bins? Experimenting?

Yes sorry maybe I haven't been clear. We haven't been using condoms for a long time before we stopped having sex. I just dug out the old packet to compare with packaging of fragment I found

So many men (people) have affairs. So I really wouldn't diminish the probability of it being that. Most likely, he had sex with someone else and used a condom. At least he used a condom.

Unfortunately this is the problem when random strangers on the internet start whipping things up into a frenzy when theres probably a perfectly innocent explanation for it. I don’t think an affair should be at the top of your list of concerns when he can’t actually perform anyway. It might not even be anything to do with him. Your son is hardly going to admit to experimenting.

It's a weird thing to joke about. Just take the feedback on the chin.

There so much going on in the OPs initial
post, the condom wrapper seems the least of it.

1. Highly unlikely your partner is inviting women over to your house for sex;
2. Highly unlikely a woman would want to have sex in the bed he shares with his wife;
3. highly unlikely he'd use a condom that's out of date when having sex;
4. very likely he'd buy fresh new condoms for any sex he's supposedly having;
5. given you've admitted you've no interest in having sex with your husband and it's been over 2 years, I'm not sure what the shock is about.
6. Every man had wanked into a condom at least once. Most men do it quite regularly especially if they are very horny and don't want to make a mess;
7. very odd that you don't ask your husband "any idea why there's a condom wrapper on our bedroom windowsill?

Make it his problem too.

Show him what you found and ask how he thinks it got there.

I think it's very unlikely he'd be careless enough to leave it there and surely he wasn't having sex in the family home with someone else?

You say your bedroom - does he sleep there too?
I'd check his clothes pockets, bags, washbag etc. Although doubt he'd be leaving a used condom lying around...?

How well do you know him? Does he have a "panic then lie" face? Or does he shut down totally when caught out?

I ask because the easiest way is to say "I found this in our bedroom, I know why its there but I am giving you one chance to tell me yourself". If you know him well, his reaction will give you a lot of information.

All of this.

What does your gut tell you?

The most obvious answer is usually the right one. He’s having sex and either using old condoms or buying the brand he is already familiar with. If I found that I would jump immediately to the most likely conclusion: my DH is having sex with another woman. ED two years ago with his wife of decades is not meaningful information. Blaming DCs or wanking is also explanatory acrobatics. It may be incredibly painful but better to ask and find out. Also of course cheaters and teenagers might have sex in the marital bed or in the marital room, if opportunity and lust strike. Don’t be naive.