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Original poster

Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom

235 replies

GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 19:53

Hi I haven't posted here before, please be kind! I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I found the corner of a condom packet on the windowsill of my bedroom this afternoon. It is the same colour as the ones we keep in a bedside drawer. Photos attached. I just don't know where it could have come from. DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time. Been married 30 years, 3 kids who have lots of issues so it's often stressful. In our mid 50s, I am of course perimenopausal so haven't felt like sex for a long time. Although I do think about it, just not about having it with him!
Anyway been trying to think how this thing got there, the window was open earlier, could it have blown in but it just seems too much of a coincidence that it is exactly the colour of the condoms we used to use! Please tell me honestly what you think. Honestly can't believe am asking strangers on the internet but don't want to ask him about it yet.

Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom
Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom
Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom
OP posts:
oakleaffy · 02/02/2025 21:56

EdithBond · 02/02/2025 21:47

Kids’ bedroom bins? Experimenting?

Show quote history

I definitely would't want to go digging around a teenager's bin looking for a used condom packet or worse!

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 21:57

My second thought was he'd been using it to practice with (given the numerous and pull-no-punches comments from the OP regarding the ED).

What an odd comment, @Thevinegardiaries. "Numerous and pull-no-punches"? OP simply said that her partner has ED and had not sought help over a period of years. Would you prefer she used euphemisms?

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 21:57

Bartoz · 02/02/2025 21:50

There so much going on in the OPs initial
post, the condom wrapper seems the least of it.

  1. Highly unlikely your partner is inviting women over to your house for sex;
  2. Highly unlikely a woman would want to have sex in the bed he shares with his wife;
  3. highly unlikely he'd use a condom that's out of date when having sex;
  4. very likely he'd buy fresh new condoms for any sex he's supposedly having;
  5. given you've admitted you've no interest in having sex with your husband and it's been over 2 years, I'm not sure what the shock is about.
  6. Every man had wanked into a condom at least once. Most men do it quite regularly especially if they are very horny and don't want to make a mess;
  7. very odd that you don't ask your husband "any idea why there's a condom wrapper on our bedroom windowsill?

Your point 4: if he has bought new condoms then the fragment I found is the type he usually buys
Point 5: sorry for being human I guess
Point 7: because I have kids with alot of special needs and am scared to upset my husband and risk my already fragile family I suppose

OP posts:
Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 21:59

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 21:57

My second thought was he'd been using it to practice with (given the numerous and pull-no-punches comments from the OP regarding the ED).

What an odd comment, @Thevinegardiaries. "Numerous and pull-no-punches"? OP simply said that her partner has ED and had not sought help over a period of years. Would you prefer she used euphemisms?

I would prefer that she spoke more respectfully about her life partner and his ED. Imagine the uproar if a man came on here complaining that his wife had done nothing to improve her vaginal dryness.

Bartoz · 02/02/2025 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:02

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 21:57

My second thought was he'd been using it to practice with (given the numerous and pull-no-punches comments from the OP regarding the ED).

What an odd comment, @Thevinegardiaries. "Numerous and pull-no-punches"? OP simply said that her partner has ED and had not sought help over a period of years. Would you prefer she used euphemisms?

Thank you.x
Sorry so many replies, can't believe it, trying to read them all someone said something about my "tone" this is my first post, sorry if I seem a bit blunt just trying to give facts

OP posts:
Hyggehogger · 02/02/2025 22:07

@GetridofStuff I really hope there’s an innocent explanation here for this and I can understand why it’s making you feel awful - it’s natural to think the worst.

I really don’t understand the attitude ‘well you hadn’t been having sex for 2years so what do you expect’. Not having sex doesn’t given a spouse the green light to head off and have sex with others, and it’s not a given that this is what would happen anyway.

I hope you get some answers - then it knowing is the worst.

Bartoz · 02/02/2025 22:09

Hyggehogger · 02/02/2025 22:07

@GetridofStuff I really hope there’s an innocent explanation here for this and I can understand why it’s making you feel awful - it’s natural to think the worst.

I really don’t understand the attitude ‘well you hadn’t been having sex for 2years so what do you expect’. Not having sex doesn’t given a spouse the green light to head off and have sex with others, and it’s not a given that this is what would happen anyway.

I hope you get some answers - then it knowing is the worst.

I never said that.

MaroonedinWales · 02/02/2025 22:13

Just put the corner of the condom you found under his pillow but take a picture of it for evidence. In the morning he will either ask wtf is this doing in our bed, have you been shagging someone in our bed, or I found this the other day in such and such a place and put it on the window sill and meant to ask you a out it but forgot. He certainly won't be telling you had tried a posh walk, the neighbour wife or the dog, that's for sure! I'll follow this story and hope it has a happy ending!

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:13

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 21:59

I would prefer that she spoke more respectfully about her life partner and his ED. Imagine the uproar if a man came on here complaining that his wife had done nothing to improve her vaginal dryness.

Show quote history

Am really sorry if I appeared disrespectful. I had tried to talk about it with him gently each time and encouraged him to see his GP. I am a doctor myself and know ED can be a sign of other health issues. But he hasn't looked for any answers and I stopped saying anything

OP posts:
PennyApril54 · 02/02/2025 22:13

Why don't you just ask him. Tell him you found it and you're wondering where it came from? Just keep it simple like that and see what he says.

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Response to point 4. Fuck off.

OP posts:
AliceThroughtheLookingGlasses · 02/02/2025 22:15

All very very odd.

If he was having an affair, he wouldn't be doing it at home surely.
And he wouldn't leave part of a condom packet in the house- on the windowsill of all places.

Condoms and packets are usually put in a bin at the scene of the event.

Did one of your kids find them? Are they sending a 'secret message' that they've found them?

This is not your DH I'm sure of that.

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 22:16

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 21:59

I would prefer that she spoke more respectfully about her life partner and his ED. Imagine the uproar if a man came on here complaining that his wife had done nothing to improve her vaginal dryness.

Show quote history

Would you indeed?

DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time.

None of that is remotely disrespectful. Sounds like something here has touched a nerve with you.

Your tone is absolutely fine, OP. Just a shame that you’ve had someone repeatedly posting about sexual abuse of dogs and a male tone-policing on your first thread.

AliceThroughtheLookingGlasses · 02/02/2025 22:19

Why would he have the corner of a condom packet in his possession?

He'd have to be very very stupid to a) find it in his pocket and b) put it on the windowsill.

Does he have a life where he is able to meet women and possibly have sex?

Either ask him outright or leave it on the windowsill and see what happens to it.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:19

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 22:16

Would you indeed?

DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time.

None of that is remotely disrespectful. Sounds like something here has touched a nerve with you.

Your tone is absolutely fine, OP. Just a shame that you’ve had someone repeatedly posting about sexual abuse of dogs and a male tone-policing on your first thread.

Show quote history

Yes well the dog-thing was on another level altogether. I stand by my comments about how the OP came across to me as a male and I offer up absolutely no apology for it whatsoever.

AliceThroughtheLookingGlasses · 02/02/2025 22:21

No one here can answer this for you.

You need to ask him, ask your kids or ignore it.

Not wanting to upset your family life isn't going to work, is it?

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:23

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 22:16

Would you indeed?

DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time.

None of that is remotely disrespectful. Sounds like something here has touched a nerve with you.

Your tone is absolutely fine, OP. Just a shame that you’ve had someone repeatedly posting about sexual abuse of dogs and a male tone-policing on your first thread.

Show quote history

Thank you. I guess I was hoping that people would calm me down and talk sense into me, not laugh about worrying dogs and posh wanks. Am normally quite a together person but for some reason this has annoyed and upset me Guess it has made me realise I need to confront issues in our marriage.

OP posts:
OOOtil2025 · 02/02/2025 22:30

I know you said they’re the same brand of condom - but are the expiry dates the same? If they match then it’s one from your drawer. If not then it’s from a different source.

Either way they need binning.

I hope you manage to have a chat with him about intimacy and see how you go from there. Suspicion kills relationships. Maybe just lay it all out on the table and you’ll likely be able to tell if he’s fibbing?

OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 22:30

GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 21:41

Yes it is near laundry basket and he has always been good at emptying his pockets before putting dirty clothes in.

Show quote history

This does sound like something that could realistically happen. I can totally see how this has upset you. He’s drinking heavily as well? You’ve got a lot on your plate.

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:31

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:19

Yes well the dog-thing was on another level altogether. I stand by my comments about how the OP came across to me as a male and I offer up absolutely no apology for it whatsoever.

Show quote history

Fair enough.

OP posts:
Anytimeisfine · 02/02/2025 22:32

OOOtil2025 · 02/02/2025 22:30

I know you said they’re the same brand of condom - but are the expiry dates the same? If they match then it’s one from your drawer. If not then it’s from a different source.

Either way they need binning.

I hope you manage to have a chat with him about intimacy and see how you go from there. Suspicion kills relationships. Maybe just lay it all out on the table and you’ll likely be able to tell if he’s fibbing?

She only has a corner of a packet. No way to compare dates.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:33

GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:23

Thank you. I guess I was hoping that people would calm me down and talk sense into me, not laugh about worrying dogs and posh wanks. Am normally quite a together person but for some reason this has annoyed and upset me Guess it has made me realise I need to confront issues in our marriage.

Show quote history

FWIW, the whole "posh wank" thing is not a joke - it has been suggested by many of us as a very valid reason for why you husband might have used a condom.

Original poster
GetridofStuff · 02/02/2025 22:33

AliceThroughtheLookingGlasses · 02/02/2025 22:19

Why would he have the corner of a condom packet in his possession?

He'd have to be very very stupid to a) find it in his pocket and b) put it on the windowsill.

Does he have a life where he is able to meet women and possibly have sex?

Either ask him outright or leave it on the windowsill and see what happens to it.

Yes he could have time to meet other women. He is very social. I am not, too busy with work and kids need alot of support.

OP posts:
OldChairMan · 02/02/2025 22:35

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:19

Yes well the dog-thing was on another level altogether. I stand by my comments about how the OP came across to me as a male and I offer up absolutely no apology for it whatsoever.

Show quote history

No, instead you’ve got the OP apologising to you for describing her situation in a completely appropriate and reasonable manner. Having said that she had no one else to talk this through with. Well done.