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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Told my SIL that we had plans - then she asks my partner the same thing behind my back?

378 replies

sarahkeintong · 28/08/2024 15:09

Long story short, its my husbands mums 80th birthday in a few weeks. We have plans to go and look at our wedding venue as thats the only day that would work after weeks of trying to plan. There is no plan for my husbands mums 80th and I wasn't even aware of this date. We have lots of his family events coming up and this was the weekend that we could do. Anyway, I told my SIL (his sister) about the dates we are going in chatty conversation, and she gave her opinion saying my fiance and her should be spending it with their mum, so i asked if there was a plan for the birthday as i wasn't aware, but we have limited time to view our venue and it needs to be done. She responded saying no plan but he SHOULD KNOW that he needs to spend it with his mum?

I feel really uncomfortable but I spoke with my fiance and he said don't worry, she hasn't got a say in what he does and he was fully aware it was his mums 80th birthday but there is not a plan and he sees his mum 5 times a week. I came away feeling really guilty for putting my foot down, but felt if she had an issue not to project that onto me but to speak to him.

Anyway, 2 days later, she text my fiance saying that she has made a plan for the mums birthday (LOL). My fiance replies saying he will be on his way home from the venue and doesn't know if he can make it and that was that.

I find this really sneaky, its like she didn't listen to a word I said, or didn't take it seriously. I am in two minds to text her about it but I really can't be bothered for more drama and clearly pointless conversation that isn't listened too. I was angry at my fiance but regret that because he at least didn't change our plans, but now im concerned he will be rushing back and she was trying to make him feel guilty as she did me.... AIBU? should my fiance of handled it differently, and said, well didn't you already know we won't be here?! He says he doesn't care to talk about it with me and I should speak to her..

OP posts:
JuneyK · 01/09/2024 10:24

His 80 year old mum is an air stewardess?

Roryno · 02/09/2024 15:25

JuneyK · 01/09/2024 10:24

His 80 year old mum is an air stewardess?

She might be retired? I stopped flying a few years ago but still keep my travel concessions for years after leaving…

Goodtogossip · 04/09/2024 13:27

Can't you do both? Visit the wedding venue early in the day then go see his Mum later with her card & present. Has SIL booked something for the whole day/night? If not then try & arrange to see his Mum then go to the venue before or after spending time with her. I'd encourage your DP to spend time with his Mum on her birthday. It may well be one of the few she has left to celebrate at her age.

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