Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Lovely to hear what sounds like a success story. Keep it moving forward!

Lots of votes against speed dating on here!
Well......Online is the antonym of speed dating

Day99 I'm on Bumble as well as another site. The upside to knowing when somebody is online is it's good if you are having a 'live' conversation, & the other good thing is when you are looking at people's profiles & it tells you if they've been on recently, as lots seem to sign up to the free ones & only pop on once a month/every few weeks.

LittleFloatingGhost Glad to read your lovely update, really happy for you

So no future dates planned and while chat is stil back and forth its just not making me feel he wants to see me again in person for whatever reason. Up to him I guess. Not sure I can be bothered again with sites. Not sure I care too much either now to be honest.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle I had someone like this, it took ages to do first date and then the second one never happened. I sent s message saying I had a nice time, but we had been speaking since X date and not progressing in the way I had hoped. Wished him well.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle would there be any harm in asking him on one before calling it quits?

Some people are just a bit shy and need some encouragement. I know it’s a bit different in British culture but personally I don’t think it’s the man’s job to arrange dates.

With one of the guys I’m seeing now, he talked about when we could meet etc but didn’t really make any concrete plans. So on a Saturday I just asked if he fancies meeting for a quick coffee that same day and he complied… Now mostly I leave it to him but might ask him for his Sunday plans and whether he wants to do something, or ask him along if I’m doing something and fancy company.

Some man just blew it with me. We switched to WhatsApp and the first thing he said after I sent a quick hello message was:

’oh you have the super secret settings on here, I can’t see when you’ve read my message, how am I supposed to stalk you now?’

He apparently said it in jest but gave me the massive ick! Red flags galore also, bet he is one of those men who gets in a shitty if you don’t reply immediately!

@LittleFloatingGhost @ElleintheWoods I already did ask him and he was busy that day which is fine but made no mention of a follow up. There are days and we are chatting and I think ok things are just busy both ends or whatever but I didnt even hear from him yesterday at all till I sent him a goodnight message which I now want to kick myself for doing. Every other day its back and forth and while yesterday was busy for him he types quicker than I do so one message would not have killed him. Think I will leave him be and walk away at this point. His loss eh?! haha

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle Sure, in the early stages you probably want that ‘we’re both really keen’ lovely giddy feeling on both sides, so if it seems like that burning interest isn’t there from either than may be best to leave it.

My ex has just liked my profile on Hinge.😡
She is a total narcissist and without going into too much detail I posted about some of her behaviour on this site a while ago and, quite literaly, hundreds of people told me to end the relationship....which I eventually did.

I saw her prifile a few weeks ago and instantly rejected it, so I would have expected that that meant we would not match.....apparently not!
😖

@Dauntedbydating that's awful, I got such a shock when I came across my ex's profile. Made me feel physically sick. You need to block the profile rather than just rejecting it.

Saw a good looking man who doesn’t live a million miles away on Bumble, read his bio and all sounds good. Getting ready to swipe right and I scroll through his photos and there’s 3 holding the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in my life, the size of a small adult. And he looks so proud in those pics.

Its immediately made me stop mid swipe. I don’t like fishing anyway but it’s the photos looking so pleased with himself. Why on earth would a man think this is how to attract women?

Hello everyone
Had a date yestweday which went well i think. Hes messaged me already to concur but do i see others....there was no follow up date and i instigated this one.

I feel strangely disloyal but he owes me nothing and visa versa...
Im crap at knowing the rules of modern dating 😂

Very very tentively thinking about dating, I’ve Lost a bit of weight and in a much better place emotionally and mentally and while I’m probably going to just enjoy life for a bit I’m lonely for adult company, I talk to my ex about the kids and workmates and that’s it. So if dipping a toe which are the best dating sights at the moment I used plenty of fish last time but was pretty dire.

@Stuckinarut79
I'm dipping my toes in again as well and going for Bumble and Facebook Dating.

I've had a year off men, following a very enjoyable 5 year (minus lockdowns!) FWB situation which was just what I need after my previous relationship ended.

I'm ready for something proper now, though. I don't want casual sex, I want a relationship.

But I know it's a minefield so just going to try and have fun with it and see what happens.

@Stuckinarut79

POF is hideous. I lasted 5 days before I deleted my profile. Most of my messages were from men 20 years older or younger. And the few seemingly normal ones I chatted to all got arsey when I didn’t reply immediately to their messages. He accused me of being far too busy chatting up other men, on day 2 of chatting and when I was driving to work! Another told me I’d ghosted him because I didn’t reply for an hour while I was cooking and eating dinner. I just lost the will very quickly

Oh God. Been chatting with a guy on Bumble last couple of days. Hes cheeky but in a fun way not sexual just real good back and forth banter
Ive just messaged him asking how his Monday has been and a couple of other things and he’s replied oh come on we can move this chat on now to what we both want. You look like the sort of woman who goes like a train and love anal but plays innocent

WTAF?????? His profile said he’s looking of a LTR and everything up to now been totally above board so I’m absolutely shocked. Between him and the creepy stalker I’m really not sure if I want to do this. I feel really shaken

What a prick!
Block and move on

@TwistedWonder wow! Ok then…

No sorry nothing will convince me to go back to OLD after reading some of the updates on this thread.

I’m sorry, this sucks. Can I tempt you to go cold turkey and IRL only?

Tbh I only dipped my toe into OLD as I just don’t meet anyone IRL.

I’ve been single over 3 years and not had a single date or even got close to it. I’ve tried various social interactions but just drawn a total blank.

Im nearly 60 and it’s just so difficult at this age. I’m actually happy with my life and not desperate for a man but just thought it might be nice to have a few dates. But so far OLD has just been awful and this one sent me over the edge.
It might sound OTT but the message tonight has shaken me up. This is a 57 year old man saying he wants a LTR. Makes me wonder if anyone is really honest. It’s only been a week and I’ve had enough already.

@TwistedWonder It does make you despair, doesn't it? Maybe report him as well as blocking! Although prob too late now.

I've been back OLD only 1 day and already playing profile cliché bingo:
✅ Mr Potato Head
✅ "If you want to know just ask"
✅ "No drama"
✅ Using a child as a human shield
✅ looking for 'fun, casual dates' AND 'life partner' 🤔
✅ Picture of a car 🤷🏻‍♀️
✅ Picture of a cartoon 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

And why are they all Aries ♈️ ?!? 😂

This is awful! I think I read on here that some men put LTR as they think it makes them more attractive.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today @TwistedWonder, I don't think it was an OTT response at all, his message was at best completely inappropriate.

I think the way I've looked at similar incidents is to ultimately feel glad they've shown their predatory/misogynistic/generally vile nature before I've actually met them. If he hadn't sent that message and the good chat had continued it is entirely possible you may have met up with him in real life.

And having met at least a couple of real life creeps, one after weeks of messaging where none of the misogyny had been apparent I would much have preferred a dodgy message first as it would have saved me some time. Therein is the nature of online dating, that we should be grateful for a vile message. It's so awful.

I am older too so totally relate to how difficult it is the older we get.

I do also know that there are good guys out there too. Not that anything has worked out for me as yet but I have definitely met some interesting and sound people along the way.

What's the verdict on facebook dating?
I have an account at facebook but have never really used it and have a handful of contacts on it....last message probably 2 years ago!