Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Thank you all. I’m fine this morning and you’re right it’s better to know this early he’s a twat after sex rather than potentially going a date with a sex pest This guy is 57 - thought maybe he might have grown up by that age but obviously not.

I honestly wonder if any women actually respond to that sort of message?

Hi!

I'm new here! Just downloaded Tinder after a break of a few months - Christ it's bleak!!

Tinder seem to be trying to lure me back in by telling me the people that have liked me when they pop up....in all honesty, I wish they hadn't!! Now wondering what's wrong with me that only the men that look like crack heads abd OAPs masquerading as 40 are liking me! 😭

Any advice? Except extreme facial surgery perhaps?

https://x.com/Mappy6984/status/1835668709467197595

Seems like it is not just the guys that are a bit creepy!

Eww what a creep that man is!! @Dauntedbydating
I didn't really want to get my teeth whitened I wanted to get my foot in the door, aka get my dick wet
What an arsehole. He did waste her time when she already said she needed money, so her business charges $X for teeth whitening if he was interested 🤢🙄 men!!

Right, question…

How much do you think about long-term compatibility in the early stages if you really really like them, chemistry off the chart, and it’s mutual?

E.g. if you’re hyper organised and the man doesn’t even know where to find the calendar app? Or you’re a morning person and he isn’t?

Compatible on many of the bigger things and completely unable to stop talking.

All my life I’ve struggled to fall for someone who on paper would be a great match and I’m just not sure I actually can! So at what kind of differences would you draw the line, and what would you class as nit picking?

@ElleintheWoods is this the guy you work with?

I’m nit-picking right now! 🤣🤣 I have had three dates with Mr Local, fourth happening this week. However, there’s something about him which feels different to other men I’ve dated. It feels special - we have both said that this feels different, special and unexpected. BUT I feel like I’m looking for something, as it’s going so well. All I have got is that he says hummus as “huemoss”. It’s a stretch, right?! 😅😂

Oh how did you know? 😉 Things have taken a huge turn for the better since failed date but yeah, these little things are on my mind now. Just as you say, it feels ‘different’ and it’s scary and I’m looking for reasons not to get too involved.

But yes you’re definitely nit picking with the hummus haha. Although if it was ‘chorizo’ I’d cut my losses haha 😂

No seriously do you think I’m being silly or are these the type of things that long-term drive couples apart? I’m just not sure any couples are carbon copies of each other, but you’d think a similar lifestyle helps.

🤣🤣😂

I think if it’s little things, just go with it! Only you know what you can compromise on long-tern.

I’m really leaning into how Mr Local makes me feel - even if he says “huemoss”! He makes me feel good, calm, giddy, safe. He is incredibly respectful, and I love that. I obviously won’t tell Mr Local this just yet, but I’m ready to delete my OLD account 😅 I just feel certain that there’s something here already, but it’s been three dates, and head tells me not to be premature - he doesn’t know I snore and that could be the end result of the us! 😉😂😂

It could be worse, I have a pretentious colleague who says “pinot Gree Goo” 👀🤣

@LittleFloatingGhost Oh this is so sweet. I can tell you’re really giddy, you’ve just written about how you feel and not weighed up any pros and cons 😊 Hummus aside obviously 😂

I’m in a similar place but as you say, trying to use my head.

@ElleintheWoods I have been searching for cons 😅🤣🤣🤣 I had a reservation, which we discussed and I was totally reassured. His level of emotional intelligence is ridiculous. It’s all just so easy that I am looking for something which isn’t right. Trying to move past this as it’s self-sabotage.

@LittleFloatingGhost what was the reservation?

Emotional intelligence is an asset. Would you rather have someone who is sensitive/ caring/ emotionally intelligent or someone academically intelligent and materially successful?

@ElleintheWoods He was married for 16 years, separated for 18 months and just waiting for his divorce to finalise. It didn’t feel like a long time, given the length of the marriage. He said that it should have ended at least five years before then. Neither had been happy for some time. This was something I related to as I was in the same boat. When he was telling me this he mentioned a ‘fantasy’ I had shared with him about how I was open to finding someone I could look at in my 80’s, still be holding hands and enjoying each other’s company - he said he was emotionally open for all of that 😍

@ElleintheWoods I’d much rather someone who is sensitive/ caring/ emotionally intelligent. I’m not materialistic in the slightest, and whilst I’m incredibly attracted to intelligence, this isn’t necessarily about academics.

@ElleintheWoods what about you?? Do you have a preference? And if you do, where does Mr WorkCrush align?

My ex had the same 'fantasy' about meeting the woman of his dreams (allegedly me) and spending the rest of our lives growing old together because at 'our stage in life' (late's) you know the person wont change too much physically etc etc etc. He sold me the dream. He was right on one thing though it was a fantasy. His. Twat.

Ignore me though he bloody broke my heart and spirit and now I realise he was manipulative I am over it all now having spent all this time wishing him back. I dont even wish him on someone else now.

@LittleFloatingGhost Hmmm yes I get that, sometimes a relationship is genuinely over before it’s formally over. I moved on from mine without looking back as it was similar to what Mr Local described.

That’s maybe something I struggle with a bit, but again, maybe I’m just wrong. Mr WorkCrush is sensitive and emotionally intelligent, he’s known for that. The way he approached a failed first date was very mature, for example. And he isn’t afraid openly taking actions that show he’s into me. I love that he sees his own behaviours and apologises when they’re less than perfect - my ex never used to say sorry unless prompted.

Most people/ men I socialise with are really serious, mature, exceptionally smart, financially comfortable. He’s different from that, he’s a lot younger in the head. He’s fun, excitable, good-looking, genuine. I don’t think he’s bothered about how he’s perceived, he isn’t pretentious and doesn’t put on an RP accent to sound smart. It’s new to me and makes me think a bit!

I’m not materialistic but… just seems a bit irresponsible dropping someone who owns their own business, super smart, interesting, really compatible, mortgage free at 40… For someone who just ‘feels right to be around’. Goes to show it doesn’t matter if you’re ‘the full package’, sometimes people just click despite perceived shortcomings, but it’s so irrational…

@ElleintheWoods Why do you feel it could be irresponsible?

You’re self-made, don’t need a man, add clearly successful in your own right.

Personally, the cards are in your hands, as you don’t ‘need’ a man, plus WorkCrush has full potential given everything you have said. Sometimes it’s empowering not following your head for everything, scary though! 😅😂

@LittleFloatingGhost it’s very scary. I think it’s very difficult not to follow your heart though, not sure how people do that! I’m just a bit overwhelmed to be honest as I’ve not felt like this for ages and trying to talk myself back down to planet earth.

I’ve just been raised to look for ‘intelligent and established’ as opposed to ‘fun, good-looking and intriguing’. It’s weird stepping out of that pattern.

The kind of intelligence I like isn’t academic -it is intuitive/witty rather than intellectual but men seem to be intimidated by my education. I don’t fancy intellectual men - the man I miss who made me laugh the most and was so bright and witty left school with 1 gcse.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle It’s most probably a really common fantasy. Every time I see an old couple who are just walking down the street hand in hand, I feel all warm and fuzzy, aa I want that too.

I’m sorry your ex was a twat!

Im just sorry i fell victim to his twattery. He had so many red flags but I LOVED him and would have forgiven anything. I see now where i went wrong. Eejit of a man.

Honestly Bumble is a real eye opener as to why these men are single. Some of the wording of their profiles I’ve seen in last few days

• No women who wear those hideous big knickers please.
• If you don’t wear heels and make the excuse of comfort then swipe left
• moody menopausal women please don’t waste my time.
• I have a very high sex drive and expect an instant connection
• Yes I am married so if your a prude who doesn’t approve you no wot you can do (SIC)

All of these men are in their 50’s. Its a hard slog but at least they’re showing their true colours from the start 😀

So true! 🤣🤣

I haven’t properly done OLD, but just joined ‘fitness singles’ as I really like activity and active men. Lots of interest but mostly they are ‘separated’ and we know what that really means….

I read about fitness singles… You’ll have to let us know how it goes!

The review I read was that many men on there were complete body fascists 🙈 E.g. wouldn’t date someone that wasn’t a competing bodybuilder.