Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

No we have already met and gone out! We had a drinks date and ended up going for food afterwards in a place i had mentioned fleetingly prior and had not actually copped it was that place till 2 days later but he had thought about it. Said goodbye, texted goodnight stil texting day in day out always a good night message etc. Just have not met a second time. We talk about absolutely everything and anything but not about going out again.

Anyway I asked him to meet today and he cant cos he is working so I shall leave the ball in his court now. Im not trying to rush things along but how would you know if a man is attracted to you or not? He is totally the opposite of any man I have gone for before so not sure with this one. We both also have diagnosed adhd and only diagnosed in recent years so not sure if this makes things any different.

Aah I see, Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle! I'm not sure how you know if he fancies you tbh. I'm crap at that stuff! Maybe just ask him through text, as that's how you are chatting? Something like 'So I was wondering if you are thinking of me & you like a friendship thing or maybe something more?'

We have actually spent a fair bit of time talking on the phone to but yeah mainly text. I know he is aware my ex was very much a love bombing gaslighting type, telling me everything i wanted to hear, the usual shite like you are so beautiful and you arent like other women and he told me straight up he is not like that which is fine, refreshing actually after my ex who reeled me in only to discard me in the worst possible way however he has mentioned nothing about how I look at all. Im not expecting him to think i am drop dead gorgeous but i have no indication if he wants more than just a penpal or not. I might have to just be direct I guess and ask him. Not today as he is in work on a long shift and its a mentally draining job so he doesnt need me adding to it but maybe during the week I will have to ask.

May I join for some advice? I am on the delightful Tinder, but nothing to report on there at the moment. All very depressing really (age range 45 to 55).

However, there is this man I see dog walking, I know he is widowed, and I believe him to be single. We see each other now again in passing and say hi, he always smiles, I respond saying hi, and he responds hi and by then we walked past each other. How do I move this forward, or at least show interest?! Of course he may be with someone, but I would really like to get to know him if he is single.

As you are walking past could you kinda stop to pet the dog or soemthing then maybe ask the dogs breed or something to try start a conversation?

So glad i found this so much shared experiences. Started OLD in July been on 6 f2f meets mainly instigated by me. I have been catfished blatently lied to encountered a married man and several who use clearly out of date pictures.

Im ok looking. 55. I just dont get why men dont want to meet face to face

Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle It's hard isn't it. You don't want them to keep complimenting you but at the same time, you do want a rough idea that they find you attractive.

QueenMegan The eternal unanswered question!

HolidayShop Yeah I think the only way is to speak to him. Find some way to start a conversation, do you walk the dogs somewhere nice? You could start chatting about the scenery, say that it would be nice to have somebody to share those kinds of walks with or something & see what he responds with

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle I'd say if a man isn't taking you out on a date, he's just not that into you. I'd ask for a date, even a quick meet up, if it doesn't happen, I'd leave it (unless you want a penpal).

I shall attempt random conversation next time I see him... I try not to picture him giving me a weird look and walking off 😅

We were on a date already. We went for drinks and ended up going for dinner afterwards just havent seen him again since nor has he made any comments about wanting to see me but I am still getting messages all the time and kisses before bedtime etc. I dont know to be honest but I will let him make the next move as while i wasnt aware he was working today when i asked him if he fancied meeting up he also didnt respond with an alternative so ball in his court now really.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle yes, I read that you've been on a date, but he's not taking you out again (and again), that was the point.

Yeah i guess its something to consider. Anyway I will let him make the next move and then if he doesnt well I have enough friends i dont need to add more to my life.

Go out wearing jeans with some raw mince in your back pocket. The dog will come over and sniff your butt, he'll apologise and bam , you're into conversation.

Ummmmm, ok, I'll save that for if I get desperate 😂

Might also help you separate the man from the beast as it were cos you will definitely know the way of the land if the man sniffs your butt instead 😂

So had a tentative arrangement to meet a guy today. We spoke on Friday. This morning he messages to say hello and how was my Saturday and I reply then he says he's having a chill Sunday to get ready for the week. No mention of meeting up. So I said that I didn't wish to take things further and wished him well,the reply is that he feels the same. Except he didn't say that until I had. Glad I got rid of him because I don't want to be dealing with mind games shite

@Rosiecidar @Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle what’s up with all these men that aren’t really keen on in-person time together? Are we just becoming a society of introverts that prefer to stay in and chat with an avatar? Do people just go online to get attention?

To be fair I’ve found that some men are definitely hesitant about going out and seem to overthink it, especially when they’re a little too ‘newly single’. I probably ended up dating someone for a few months very largely because I was impressed by their ‘I’ve booked a table for Sunday 2pm if that suits’ streak - that level of confidence was a nice breath of fresh air.

I really do not know. Logically thinking this guy has to like me cos he talks to me all of the time. In work, with his kids, in the car at traffic lights. He and I have similar upbringings and I told him something recently had happened and hes been a wonderful support, great advice etc. We chat, we banter, completely click. He has mentioned something about his appearance I think he has issue with, I have stated I barely noticed because when we went for a 'just drinks' date we had non stop chat and non stop eye contact. Then we extended the date - he decided to extend the date - and go for food. And constant chat since no matter what just no 'are you free xyz date'. I mean if he wanted a shag he is not really going the right way about it cos that you definitly have to do face to face (so to speak) and if I was a 'I need ten dates before we shag' person then he is not really trying to rack them up to get there so he either absolutely loves talking to me and doesnt find me attractive or ...well... i cant think of an alternative at all to be honest.

In the nicest possible way, a man talking to you all the time doesn’t mean anything - he could be bored, you could be feeding his ego he could be a game player 🤷‍♀️

Ultimately though if he was genuinely interested further dates would be happening now. I would stop giving him attention entirely tbh and move on.

Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle
You have called him Mr Thursday.
Just checking he is not a university lecturer living on the South Coast😂My friend met a guy who behaved in that way -lots of chat
especially from his car. including videos and included pics etc of his kids) and she met him on Thursday, but turned out that was the day his wife didn’t work at home…

Oh ha no no we are in Ireland anyway I just say Thursday cos it was a thursday we went out.

Anyway more chat and banter last night and he did enquire as to what I was doing today but once I said working that was it so I shall leave him to it. I guess he has been filling in gaps in my days too as its been an odd few weeks for me and its nice to get them messages enquiring about your day but I wont be a penpal for anyone ego stroking or otherwise!

50 something joined Bumble.

Day one got about 8 matches and I messaged 5 - 4 just let the 24 hours expire with no reply and the one who did answer sent a GIF of Mr Blobby saying ‘let’s paaaaaaarty’

Really looking forward to more joy to come

😂

that gif though.

I matched with someone recently on Bumble, and in response to my question “what was the last tving that made you laugh?” Or something along those lines hw replied:

”matching with you 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮”

I reported him. This wasn’t long after the riots, for context I am mixed race, he was white.

You tend to find everyone on dating sites, but I wouldn’t know what to respond to a gif. In fact, I never respond to them as it’s lazy! 😂