Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Dunno I think it may have just been trying to make a compliment-not everyone is an expert wordsmith… If that was the only reason wouldn’t have binned him just for that.

I know! That message was like something from the 1800’s. Surprised he didn’t add ‘forsooth’

And yes what a concept that women can travel without a male chaperone. I mean it’s almost like we’re allowed to vote as well 😂

I did bin someone for calling me ‘dear’. There was just no going back after that 😅😂

Haha. We love it when they call us dear
Have you had any further dates?

It’s been the third and last ever speed dating event. This last one was the worst yet. Highlights include:

1. A 68 year old woman who “looks 40” squeezing my arm and telling me that I was a “goer”
2. A lady with a leaky colostomy bag telling me that the problem these days was men’s poor personal hygiene until a massive wet patch was discovered under her chair.
3. A mid forties lady who spent all of the time we had telling me about her first love who was “banged up in Wakefield

It’s been a couple of months in now and I’ve learned a lot of things that appear to getting in the way of finding someone. Generally though, speed dating has taught me:

1. I should have a collection of baseball caps that I wear. Who doesnt love a guy in a baseball cap ? Yes, 50 is on the horizon but apparently a baseball cap is a must for the date seeking male.
2. Take up smoking. Imagine the romantic scene as your man lets you borrow his Iron Maiden clipper lighter. Got any Lambert and Butler wasn’t in Romeo and Juiliet.
3. Shave your head bald. Again, a must have. It’ll terrify my four year olds at work but thats the price you pay.
4. Get some tattoos. To show that sensitive side perhaps a tattoo of your Staffie that had to be put down after that biting incident in ASDA car park
5. Voilence is very attractive. Try flipping a few tables over, being verbally abusive before nutting someone as the Police are called.

So it’s time to step away. Im sure 6ft 7 Gary a property developer with a house in Warwickshire who has the all important six figure bank balance is out there, but if anything this has taught me that you just need be loud, beat people up, do drugs and hold up post offices. Saying “you’ll change” is all you need to do.

I started this whole thing a year ago thinking I wasn’t what women want and I’m right. I’ll stay at home with my books, and peace and quiet. I’ll invest in being a comfortable as i can.

😆 @LittleFloatingGhost I do remember this conversation from a while back. Any mention of dear is one of my hard and fast block and deletes!

@Thatsthebottomline I remember your previous description of speed dating event no 2, this one is even worse!!! One of my married friends has been trying to persuade me to go along to one in the hope that it will be better than the slog online is but after this latest update I really don't think it's for me! Sorry it's not been a more positive experience for you. Have you given up with online as well?

Sorry, my post earlier was for LittleFloatingGhost.

Thatsthebottomline In person Speed dating sounds interesting! I bet you are glad that it's finished. Shame that it wasn't any good though.

@NervesOfCotton there will always be things which are a massive turn off 🤮🤣🤣

Yes, I’m off for lunch tomorrow for date 2 with Mr Local. Haven’t got date 3 booked for Mr Bank as our diaries are clashing for the next few weeks.

Really excited for lunch tomorrow! 🤩

@Thatsthebottomline oh god, I hope you’re being sarcastic! You sound like what women want 😂 These women are probably in a similar place to you and think men want hair extensions, mile-long fake lashes, acrylic nails, etc etc, and stay in reading books.

@LittleFloatingGhost excited for you, let us know how it goes!

LittleFloatingGhost That's exiting! Have a lovely time tomorrow

Thank you both @ElleintheWoods and @NervesOfCotton.

I think I’m going to stop seeing Mr Bank. We message daily but it isn’t conversational, doesn’t flow, always good morning, good night, how’s your day?

We don’t know enough about each other to have conversations. Whereas Mr Local is conversational, playful and he is thoughtful in his messages. Seem to know more about him, his kids, what’s going on in his life. We already have date 3 booked in, even though date 2 yet to happen 🥰

@LittleFloatingGhost sounds lovely 🥰

I had one of those! Would message good morning, I’d message good morning back and maybe throw in a ‘how are you’. Then nothing all day, then good morning again the next day! It got quite amusing to the point that I wanted to see how long he can keep this up 🙈

He did say up front he wasn’t very experienced in speaking to women. But I’m not sure advancing a conversation beyond ‘good morning’ is specific to ‘talking to women’

😂😂 He isn’t that bad, more a sentence and we converse back and forth. Mr Local gives more on his messages and I get a greater sense of who he is, always.

@LittleFloatingGhost I think he lasted about a week before he gave up! Was truly odd, why message someone good morning but not follow up with anything of substance 😂

Some people are naturally not good writers, but sounds like that’s important to you? It’s so important to me as I convey my deeper thoughts in writing so if they’d just reply ‘ok cool’ or similar, it wouldn’t work. Paragraph length messages with proper content are important! That’s in fact probably my first filter for a man.

Good to hear that you’re gaining more clarity of your options 😊

Quick question for experienced online daters. Have anyone ever experienced someone who’s a bit of an online stalker?

Situation is that about a month ago I briefly tried Facebook dating. I was sent a long rambling message by a guy who really wasn’t my type. I was staying at a friends that weekend so ignored the message until I had time to read it properly. By the time I drove home he’d sent a further 4/5 messages all rambling, the final one telling me how rude I was to not even acknowledge him. I blocked him and deleted my profile a few days later.

This week I’ve tried Bumble and POF and on both sites yes on there and again sent me long rambling messages telling me that I shouldn’t me moaning about being single (I’m not) if I’m not prepared to give genuine honest men a chance and that I have no manners continuing to ignore him.

For context I haven’t matched with him on any site, these are all un solicited messsges .

I mean the bloke is obviously a weirdo but just wondered if anyone has experienced similar?

Yes, TwistedWonder I've had similar. Are you okay?
Men who think you owe them a conversation just because they asked. It's unnerving isn't it.

This one site I'm on lets people know when you are online which is a curse as you get men send you 50 messages in Ten minutes just asking how dare you not respond to them, when you are online. They always end up telling me that I deserve to be single, because I've not answered them.

There have been some who have 'found' me from there, on Bumble too.

@NervesOfCotton

Thank you and yes I have to admit it’s unsettled me. His messages are so intense. Not just the usual why won’t you reply but they’re quite deep I think. Not quite sure what the right word is but there’s something about him that’s creeped me out. Doesn’t help his location is the next town to me so not a million miles away.

I’ve blocked him on all sites I’m on but it’s a reminder that there’s some odd people out there.

TwistedWonder It sounds scary, I'm not surprised that you are creeped out. Hopefully you don't hear from him anymore now (now that he's got his kicks)

Strange that he lives near you as well, I had one once who was in my town & he sent me all of these messages saying that we'd had sex before... Probably sounds like nothing but it really upset me the way he went on & on, constantly messaging (I read them but they didn't mark as 'read' on his end) describing all of the things that 'we' had done & making comments about coming to find me for a repeat performance.

@NervesOfCotton

I had another one on POF as well who insisted we’d matched on there and chatted before. We haven’t as I’ve only just joined but he would not take no for an answer, told me he recognised an outfit I was wearing in one of my photos and despite me saying he had me confused with someone else he kept saying ‘no it was you 100%’

Ive come off of POF now. Its too many creeps who can message randomly I also had far too many much younger and much older men message me so that’s not the place for me.

TwistedWonder I don't blame you for coming off. It's hard going when (some of) the men are like that, isn't it.

I barely speak to anybody on the other site now. All of my messages go into the Filtered box (which means that I can read them but they don't mark as read for the other person)

POF sounds like bit of a nightmare site/app, anyone can message, is that where they can also see if you're online? Is there an upside. Curious why people stick to it rather than for example Bumble (or hinge)?

@NervesOfCotton and @TwistedWonder really sorry you had those experiences. It’s not on!

The only time I had this happen was a guy I jad exchanged a few messages with before I stopped - explaining ny reasons. Based on the skeleton detail he had about me, found me on LinkedIn. He proudly said it had taken him weeks to find me, I was making a mistake etc. freaked me out that he knew where I worked. I’m very cautious now and have everything locked down.

On the upside my date with Mr Local went well. It feels like we have a great connection, I had butterflies on my way there. I really, really like him. The whole thing just feels different in a really good way, special and unexpected.

He also has the best smile, a hearty laugh and smells so good! I just wanted to sniff him - I didn’t! 😅😂😂

So I came on here about 6 months ago, being completely new to the dating "scene".

Since then I've tried speed dating and a couple singles "lock and key" events. Nothing came out of them. All for ages 30-45.

Speed dating was a disaster, hardly anyone turned up (numbers under 10), and perhaps because it was local the people had such little in the way of aspirations (I think they thought that 30+ you're past it etc). The other social events (in London), whilst nothing came out of it at least you got talking to people (usually of the same sex).

Looks like it is online dating then, unless there are other ways to avoid it. I have no idea about the entirety of it though.