I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.

[Ihavenamechanged987]

Not sure if relationships is exactly the right place for this but I’m reeling. How could anybody believe this is acceptable!

So guy I’ve known for years and would have said was a friend, albeit one I don’t see often. Both of us have had a rough month so arranged to meet him for drinks tonight with a few other people, strictly platonic. He was aware of this… or so I thought.

Texting earlier to arrange meeting time place etc and he starts to get a bit flirty. I clarify that this is just friends having a drink and a laugh together and nothing else and he agrees but then starts to push it again. Anyway I’ve attached the texts below because I’m speechless and angry.

The gist of the last message which is cut off is him asking if I’m still going! Funnily enough the answer was no with a side of me telling him he’s creepy and rapey. I’ve blocked and will never speak to him again but I’m so angry.

He sounds a bit nuts and predatory - has he ever been like this before?

One great advantage of having no further contact is that you'll not have to read spelling and punctuation like that.

Also, is that man, a member of the male species?!
They express themselves like a female towie reject.

He sounds petulant and as thick as mince. Good riddance.

He sounds completely demented. Deleting and blocking are the right choices!
I wouldn't waste time feeling even slightly irritated, never mind 'beyond angry'. He's insane and not worth your thoughts!

Lucky escape for you there!

Fricking incel.

What a bizarre reaction from him! Is there any history between you? Where has this even come from? I’d not want to go either, he sounds creepy and needy.

🤢
Well done for setting a boundary
Yoube escaped an Incel

I honestly feel like there’s a chance I may have been sexually assaulted if I went.

I’m really angry because he just flipped. I expected I’d send the message where I said I was feeling pressured and he’d back down and I could reassess whether I wanted to still go. I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!

I am not a native english speaker, still my english is way better than his.
He sounds manipulative.

Fricking incel.

Yep. Reads like Elliott Rodger's manifesto.

He's such a nice guy, why won't his female friends have sex with him 🙄

His grammar is terrible.

Honestly, the number if times I've come across men who looked at my (or any woman's) body as a treat we can hand out to make men feel better...
It's infuriating.
Last time I was this angry was when I had just met my now husband and told someone I'd been texting that I was ending our contact because I was now in a relationship. He said "But I was there first! I should have had first pick".

And then they wonder why no one will date them.

Oh god, don’t go. Block and move on.

You did the right thing.

I have been fooled into friendships with men, who were just like that. They made out they were happy with 'just friendship' after I clarified that was all I was interested in. Yet still they would push the boundaries every so often.

I have concluded that most men cannot just be friends with women and there is always a part of them thinking you will will change your mind and give in to their perversions.

Christ how entitled and manipulative. He thinks he had a right to physical contact from you even if it's only cuddles. That's worrying. He is no friend.

I'll feel like utter shit if you won't have sex with me but I'll put my feelings aside to be there for YOU cos I'm such a nice guy? Even though i don't want to talk to you, I just want to fuck you. So I'll put on an act because I'm holding out hope of a shag.

Is that roughly what he said in that part?

Its the "I'm definitely getting cuddles though" that got me too. Like "I'm definitely taking what I want from you"

Also, the repeated "cuddles" has given me the ick. "Cuddles" has a different connotation to "hug". I hug my male friends. i don't cuddle them. He knew what he was saying and tried to backtrack and I'm willing to bet he'd have been knocked the fuck out if he ever tried to "cuddle" a female friend in front of their bf.

It’s really creeped me out. I think it’s the word ‘cuddle’. If he had said hug in my head I would have been thinking ‘pack it in’ but I probably would have ignored it and changed the subject.

Cuddle to me is different and it sounds almost like a code. Hug is what you do when you greet/ say goodbye to a friend. Cuddle in my head is something that happens with couples on the sofa watching a film or after sex.

@Sparklfairy cross post! I’m glad it’s not just me that had that reaction to the ‘cuddling’. The word has seriously given me the ick.

He feels very sorry for himself, doesn't he?

Think we’ve all come across this type before

it's only a cuddle
it’s only a kiss
its only a pat on the arse
its only a squeeze of your boobs

Well you let me do all that so I thought you were up for it

I think this guy sounds seriously unhinged. Not a well person at all. I’d stay well clear.

Yeah, couples cuddle. Friends hug. End of. I've also heard men use the word cuddles as a euphemism for sex which makes me feel sick.

Pay close attention to the "definitely getting" because it totally gives him away. At the very least you'd have spent an uncomfortable evening batting away his "cuddles" because in his mind, he set out the contract with that text, and got your implied agreement that he could paw you all night and pressure you for more and more with you batting him away.

Every time you rejected his "cuddles", he'd give you a sad face and try and make you feel guilty. "I only want to cuddle my friend" "I'm here for you and you're pushing me away" "all my other girl mates let me" finally descending into calling you uptight and accusing you of leading him on. And probably a rather aggressive and scary tantrum.

Trust me, you'd have felt more upset and angry if you'd met him!! You are the very definition of dodging a bullet!

Just another example of an angry incel who thinks he’s entitled to sex and trying to make his issues your problem.

Well swerved OP.
Basically he was checking he was finally going to get some or he couldn’t be bothered with the ‘friendship’ anymore. Felt he’d done enough and now you owed him. They really do live in a parallel world sometimes. Makes you question any good times you spent together.
Gross.