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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.

326 replies

Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 13:21

Not sure if relationships is exactly the right place for this but I’m reeling. How could anybody believe this is acceptable!

So guy I’ve known for years and would have said was a friend, albeit one I don’t see often. Both of us have had a rough month so arranged to meet him for drinks tonight with a few other people, strictly platonic. He was aware of this… or so I thought.

Texting earlier to arrange meeting time place etc and he starts to get a bit flirty. I clarify that this is just friends having a drink and a laugh together and nothing else and he agrees but then starts to push it again. Anyway I’ve attached the texts below because I’m speechless and angry.

The gist of the last message which is cut off is him asking if I’m still going! Funnily enough the answer was no with a side of me telling him he’s creepy and rapey. I’ve blocked and will never speak to him again but I’m so angry.

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Babla · 08/03/2024 13:43

Just ftr

I'm not a man
Nor am I pig ignorant

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/03/2024 13:54

Babla · 08/03/2024 13:43

Just ftr

I'm not a man
Nor am I pig ignorant

Yes, dear.

Babla · 08/03/2024 13:55

What a sad little person you are

Babla · 08/03/2024 13:55

Get a real life and stop picking on people on the internet all day dear

IncompleteSenten · 08/03/2024 13:57

That's really not what's important here.

What's important is he revealed himself and many of us saw it clear as day. Then we were told by a few posters that we were wrong. Poor bloke. Misunderstanding. Give him a chance. Man haters. Meanies.
When we were right all along and he went on to remove all doubt.
We know. Well, most of us. We know when we're looking at a man who is a potential threat.
Sadly that's because many of us learned the hard way.

Women suffer when what matters most is mens feelings.

PhamieGowsSong · 08/03/2024 13:57

ahh OP I am so sorry you went through this last night and when you weren't feeling your absolute best and needed a friend. Big hugs. Please consider reporting this to the police, especially as they have a file on him. It will bolster their evidence against him and could mean you save some poor unsuspecting woman in the future.

All these posts remind me of an incident - no where near as bad as OPs. I was married, and working in an office and 4 of us a married couple and another guy who worked in the same department as the woman in the married couple would have lunch at work together. Then eventually it was just me and the single guy having lunch everyday in the cafe. I didn't think anything of it. We didn't meet or even have contact outside of work or anything like, we would just have lunch in the work's cafe and chat. He was single, I was and still am happily married with kids. I went on mat leave and then went back to work, and so we resumed our lunches. This is a good few years. All good. As I'm absolutely not his type, he likes asian women, and I am English. Sometimes not often he would ask slightly inappropriate questions, but me being stupid didn't think anything of it. Like: "Have you ever had a one night stand?" No, never had, never would. "Have you ever done drugs?", No, never done drugs. Oh he has he used to do cocaine in his younger days, when he was travelling.

Fast forward, it was his birthday, he was having a get together with friends in one of the pubs in town, would I come? I said I would see as my DH works and we share childcare, I'd let him know. Where I live its also difficult to get trains home the last train is 9ish. So he said I could stay at his house, his mate who I know will be staying so no worries.

Comes to the day before and we are at lunch and he asks if I'm coming, I say "Oh sorry I can't DH can't swap his shift, so I've got no childcare, hope he has a nice time". It was like someone flipped a switch, he was really really angry and aggressive, he started shouting at me in the work's cafe:

"How could I do this to him?"
"I thought you were my friend?"
"You're supposed to be coming"
"Don't you feel sorry for me?"
"Can't you get someone else to babysit?" err no there is no one else - and you were going to stay at mine - well it looks like [xx] is not coming and staying over - he always lets me down anyway" - erm so you knew that [xx] wouldn't be staying and you thought I would stay at your place.
"But I've already bought some coke for my birthday!" - err what!! I wouldn't ever do drugs anyway, that's not for me, so I don't know why he thought I would ever do drugs with him.

So he had a good rant at me - I got up to go and walk to the bin, thinking WTF just happened here, I was blindsided, it was so out of character. He follows me and says "so I suppose that's it then?" I say yep I guess so.

I'm thinking was this a normal response from him, did I make myself misunderstood at some point.

I go upstairs and then say to my work colleague who had also invited me to a party, that I won't be going to her party as no child care and she says "oh ok, thanks for letting me know". Normal response.

Fucking freaky men always feeling entitled. I've come to the conclusion that women cannot be just friends with men, because men play the long game, waiting in the wings to pounce when the opportunity presents and they are sneaky fuckers.

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/03/2024 14:09

Babla · 08/03/2024 13:55

Get a real life and stop picking on people on the internet all day dear

Perhaps you can take your own advice and stop excusing and minimising sexual harassment, accusing women of hating men if they don't take it, and defending people who think women get harassed because they don't phone their abusers after the first disgusting message.

You're a very well-informed woman, so I'm sure you can manage it.

Babla · 08/03/2024 14:28

You're a very well-informed woman,

Thx dear

DancesWithDucks · 08/03/2024 14:29

You're really showing yourself up @Babla.

pootlin · 08/03/2024 14:35

PhamieGowsSong · 08/03/2024 13:57

ahh OP I am so sorry you went through this last night and when you weren't feeling your absolute best and needed a friend. Big hugs. Please consider reporting this to the police, especially as they have a file on him. It will bolster their evidence against him and could mean you save some poor unsuspecting woman in the future.

All these posts remind me of an incident - no where near as bad as OPs. I was married, and working in an office and 4 of us a married couple and another guy who worked in the same department as the woman in the married couple would have lunch at work together. Then eventually it was just me and the single guy having lunch everyday in the cafe. I didn't think anything of it. We didn't meet or even have contact outside of work or anything like, we would just have lunch in the work's cafe and chat. He was single, I was and still am happily married with kids. I went on mat leave and then went back to work, and so we resumed our lunches. This is a good few years. All good. As I'm absolutely not his type, he likes asian women, and I am English. Sometimes not often he would ask slightly inappropriate questions, but me being stupid didn't think anything of it. Like: "Have you ever had a one night stand?" No, never had, never would. "Have you ever done drugs?", No, never done drugs. Oh he has he used to do cocaine in his younger days, when he was travelling.

Fast forward, it was his birthday, he was having a get together with friends in one of the pubs in town, would I come? I said I would see as my DH works and we share childcare, I'd let him know. Where I live its also difficult to get trains home the last train is 9ish. So he said I could stay at his house, his mate who I know will be staying so no worries.

Comes to the day before and we are at lunch and he asks if I'm coming, I say "Oh sorry I can't DH can't swap his shift, so I've got no childcare, hope he has a nice time". It was like someone flipped a switch, he was really really angry and aggressive, he started shouting at me in the work's cafe:

"How could I do this to him?"
"I thought you were my friend?"
"You're supposed to be coming"
"Don't you feel sorry for me?"
"Can't you get someone else to babysit?" err no there is no one else - and you were going to stay at mine - well it looks like [xx] is not coming and staying over - he always lets me down anyway" - erm so you knew that [xx] wouldn't be staying and you thought I would stay at your place.
"But I've already bought some coke for my birthday!" - err what!! I wouldn't ever do drugs anyway, that's not for me, so I don't know why he thought I would ever do drugs with him.

So he had a good rant at me - I got up to go and walk to the bin, thinking WTF just happened here, I was blindsided, it was so out of character. He follows me and says "so I suppose that's it then?" I say yep I guess so.

I'm thinking was this a normal response from him, did I make myself misunderstood at some point.

I go upstairs and then say to my work colleague who had also invited me to a party, that I won't be going to her party as no child care and she says "oh ok, thanks for letting me know". Normal response.

Fucking freaky men always feeling entitled. I've come to the conclusion that women cannot be just friends with men, because men play the long game, waiting in the wings to pounce when the opportunity presents and they are sneaky fuckers.

I've come to the conclusion that women cannot be just friends with men, because men play the long game, waiting in the wings to pounce when the opportunity presents and they are sneaky fuckers.

So true. Their true colours always come out.

Doteycat · 08/03/2024 14:52

Ive 3 dds.
I have told them always, two things in life are not your friend.
Men and google.
They just arent. They may seem to be, pretend to be, act like they are, but any indication that u may be interested, thats it, game on. They are NOT your friend.
Google is another headwreck horse of a different colour.

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/03/2024 15:06

Part of the trouble, which has been so amply demonstrated on this thread, is that there are quite a lot of men who place their ego above absolutely everything... but that ego is also extremely brittle, so it gets very ugly when it breaks, as it frequently will when women do not prioritise it too.

The result is rage, aggression and outright lies because the ego just can't believe that women won't believe it because a man said it.

And it also can't believe there might be any truth to what noncompliant women say in response to it. So the only way it can square the circle is to decide the woman just irrationally hates men, or is playing games, or is faulty and illogical and wrong in some other manner.

You can't reason with it because despite its conviction that women are being irrational, it's completely irrational itself. It has no reason to think itself so vastly important. It's just certain that it is, and if reality, or a woman, says otherwise, then reality and the woman are somehow wrong and morally lacking.

PipMumsnet · 08/03/2024 15:16

Hello everyone,
We have been getting quite a few reports about this thread so we thought it time for us to intervene. Discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks.
Peace and love
MNHQ

YourGreatGoldViewer · 08/03/2024 16:27

Does the OP say whether she lets the others in the group know. Especially any women!

As otherwise… he will presumably still go and then these women would be vulnerable to him

YourGreatGoldViewer · 08/03/2024 16:29

Doteycat · 08/03/2024 14:52

Ive 3 dds.
I have told them always, two things in life are not your friend.
Men and google.
They just arent. They may seem to be, pretend to be, act like they are, but any indication that u may be interested, thats it, game on. They are NOT your friend.
Google is another headwreck horse of a different colour.

wtf? that’s so so irresponsible of you. How depressing.

Just because you’ve never had a man in your life that you trust, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

Im sorry your father, brother, exes etc are all scumbags by my father for example was the kindest and most trustworthy person i know

YourGreatGoldViewer · 08/03/2024 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LittleGreenDragons · 08/03/2024 16:44

@YourGreatGoldViewer - wtf? that’s so so irresponsible of you. How depressing.

It's actually the opposite of irresponsible. I agree with @Doteycat , an awful lot of men are headfucks, and certainly not friends of women.

Doteycat · 08/03/2024 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You havent a clue what you are talking about.
Sigh.
'My daddy is the bestest'.
Grow up..

Babla · 08/03/2024 18:40

DancesWithDucks · 08/03/2024 14:29

You're really showing yourself up @Babla.

Nope

Just attempting to stand up for myself against nasty vicious bullies with nothing better to do

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/03/2024 18:53

Male rage is so pathetic.

betterangels · 08/03/2024 19:47

LittleGreenDragons · 08/03/2024 16:44

@YourGreatGoldViewer - wtf? that’s so so irresponsible of you. How depressing.

It's actually the opposite of irresponsible. I agree with @Doteycat , an awful lot of men are headfucks, and certainly not friends of women.

I agree too. I think it's good advice.

JWhipple · 08/03/2024 20:35

So he's doing you a favour by meeting up (you travelling three hours to see him)
His "old best friend" presumably also fell out with him for being completely unreasonable* to him

Gosh, you have missed.out on an absolute prince there. How will you cope without his friendship**

(*Not wanting to be coerced into unwanted physical contact
**Some kind of exchange where he acts like a human being and assumes he gets sex as payment.)

DancesWithDucks · 08/03/2024 20:55

Babla · 08/03/2024 18:40

Nope

Just attempting to stand up for myself against nasty vicious bullies with nothing better to do

Maybe that's what you think you're doing.

Willow48 · 08/03/2024 21:42

Your feelings are very valid and with good reason.
always trust your instincts but he’s proven they are right by the nasty manipulative txts he’s sent you.
you dodged a bullet there hun!

Babla · 09/03/2024 00:02

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/03/2024 18:53

Male rage is so pathetic.

So bitter.. I wonder why

I'm not male or pig ignorant or an incel rape apologist so take your nasty comments elsewhere