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Original poster

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.

326 replies

Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 13:21

Not sure if relationships is exactly the right place for this but I’m reeling. How could anybody believe this is acceptable!

So guy I’ve known for years and would have said was a friend, albeit one I don’t see often. Both of us have had a rough month so arranged to meet him for drinks tonight with a few other people, strictly platonic. He was aware of this… or so I thought.

Texting earlier to arrange meeting time place etc and he starts to get a bit flirty. I clarify that this is just friends having a drink and a laugh together and nothing else and he agrees but then starts to push it again. Anyway I’ve attached the texts below because I’m speechless and angry.

The gist of the last message which is cut off is him asking if I’m still going! Funnily enough the answer was no with a side of me telling him he’s creepy and rapey. I’ve blocked and will never speak to him again but I’m so angry.

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
UpsyDoosie · 07/03/2024 14:10

OP I'm so glad you didn't go. This man is unstable.

What a vile person.

Have you blocked him?

LoveSandbanks · 07/03/2024 14:13

It’s genuinely typical incel script;

im a “nice guy” and listened to her problems but the bitch won’t sleep with me. It’s the least she could do after I’ve been so patient.

like sex is a reward for meeting the lowest possible standards for a human being but clearly he can’t even meet that standard. He’s an utter shit and you’re well rid.

I honestly thought men like this were a bit of a myth, how can they be so fucking stupid/how do they reduce women to so little?

MILTOBE · 07/03/2024 14:16

Ugh. So glad you've blocked him.

Who is this old best friend he's talking about? It might be worth chatting to her about him.

Original poster
Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 14:30

Ive blocked him but he called me from a withheld number. Normally I’d guess it was him but at the moment I have a legitimate reason to answer ‘no caller I’d’ calls.

Obviously I told him not to contact me again and hung up but he kept calling so eventually I had to answer. He twisted it all on me and told me I’d ‘misunderstood’. He couldn’t see why I had a problem with hugging him. I said that he hadn’t said hug, he’d said ‘cuddle’ and that implies more. He told me that cuddle and hug is the same to him and it’s my fault for not understanding that. He said that he knew I wouldn’t sleep with him and he was ok with that but of course it would make him upset and feel unwanted.

Basically he wanted me to still meet him later and didn’t like that I had cancelled and told me that I misunderstood the ‘don’t message or contact me again stuff’. Then I received this text of a different number.

I feel like shit and self serving is still better than forcible ‘cuddled’ or raped.

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 07/03/2024 14:32

You've had a lucky escape there. Fortunately he showed his true colours and intentions before you had left, so you were able to decide not to go. He thinks he is god's gift - but he isn't.

He deserved to be blocked. He's creepy and his awful spelling and grammar prove that he is totally thick.

I'd almost be willing to bet that his previous "best friend" blocked him, not the other way round as he tried to say.

Answer no further calls that don't show aa known ID. Also, answer none that could be from any mutual friends you have in common. For now.

If he continues making efforts to contact you via other phones then report it to the police as it is harassment.

Sparklfairy · 07/03/2024 14:34

The jekyll and Hyde thing is quite scary. He tried pacifying you, then told you it was your wrong interpretation of the word, not him using the wrong word, checked whether or not you were still up for meeting and... then he got nasty and name calling.

This man has serious issues. You're 3 hours away is that right? Any chance he'll turn up "missing his friend" at some point?

twingiraffes · 07/03/2024 14:35

What an arsehole. Apparently the 'cuddles' he is demanding aren't for his benefit but for yours, and you are being utterly unreasonable by rejecting them?

That would be an eff off from me.

SamW98 · 07/03/2024 14:36

Wow. What a creepy manipulative rapey piece of shit he is. And to trust it and blame you - very lucky escape OP

CointreauVersial · 07/03/2024 14:38

If he'd used the word "hug" instead of "cuddle" would you have had the same reaction?

PinkLemonade555 · 07/03/2024 14:38

Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 14:30

Ive blocked him but he called me from a withheld number. Normally I’d guess it was him but at the moment I have a legitimate reason to answer ‘no caller I’d’ calls.

Obviously I told him not to contact me again and hung up but he kept calling so eventually I had to answer. He twisted it all on me and told me I’d ‘misunderstood’. He couldn’t see why I had a problem with hugging him. I said that he hadn’t said hug, he’d said ‘cuddle’ and that implies more. He told me that cuddle and hug is the same to him and it’s my fault for not understanding that. He said that he knew I wouldn’t sleep with him and he was ok with that but of course it would make him upset and feel unwanted.

Basically he wanted me to still meet him later and didn’t like that I had cancelled and told me that I misunderstood the ‘don’t message or contact me again stuff’. Then I received this text of a different number.

I feel like shit and self serving is still better than forcible ‘cuddled’ or raped.

Men like this are actually terrifying.

Please do not talk to him ever again.

Original poster
Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 14:41

@CointreauVersial I wouldn’t have liked it if he’d insisted on a hug but I probably wouldn’t have had the same reaction. Asking for a cuddle put all my walls up and I got an immediate blaring alarm sounding in my head. Hug would have still felt like an imposition but I would have probably ignored it and went anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 14:42

He’s acted like a disgusting predatory creep and yet I’ve somehow been blamed for it.

OP posts:
PinkLemonade555 · 07/03/2024 14:44

Ihavenamechanged987 · 07/03/2024 14:42

He’s acted like a disgusting predatory creep and yet I’ve somehow been blamed for it.

I’ve had this so many times. It’s like the minute you put up a boundary you get attacked for it.

good for you anyway for recognising it and running a mile. He actually sounds dangerous.

CointreauVersial · 07/03/2024 14:44

I agree cuddle is a creepy word, but just maybe he really did mean hug?....seems odd that you've known him for years and he suddenly reveals himself to be this creep. I do think it is very easy for the written word/texts to be misinterpreted - I have friends who have fallen out over badly/ambiguously worded messages taken the wrong way.

SummerFeverVenice · 07/03/2024 14:46

Is he from Suffolk? often heard “cuddle” for “hug” when I lived there from the locals. Usually a friend, male or female, would say “Give us a cuddle then” and it just meant a hug.

”I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!”
His texts did not say that at all.

I don’t know what you wanted tbh with those texts.

CharmedCult · 07/03/2024 14:47

Wow, you probably dodged a rape bullet there.

Newyearoldhair · 07/03/2024 14:48

SummerFeverVenice · 07/03/2024 14:46

Is he from Suffolk? often heard “cuddle” for “hug” when I lived there from the locals. Usually a friend, male or female, would say “Give us a cuddle then” and it just meant a hug.

”I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!”
His texts did not say that at all.

I don’t know what you wanted tbh with those texts.

Really ? , I mean c'mon you REALLY dont think he has done anything wrong??
Jesus, your bar is low.

CharmedCult · 07/03/2024 14:51

SummerFeverVenice · 07/03/2024 14:46

Is he from Suffolk? often heard “cuddle” for “hug” when I lived there from the locals. Usually a friend, male or female, would say “Give us a cuddle then” and it just meant a hug.

”I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!”
His texts did not say that at all.

I don’t know what you wanted tbh with those texts.

Did you read the texts the OP included, because the way I read it, that’s exactly what he said.

What do you interpret this bit to mean?

I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.
SilverSimca · 07/03/2024 14:51

SummerFeverVenice · 07/03/2024 14:46

Is he from Suffolk? often heard “cuddle” for “hug” when I lived there from the locals. Usually a friend, male or female, would say “Give us a cuddle then” and it just meant a hug.

”I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!”
His texts did not say that at all.

I don’t know what you wanted tbh with those texts.

He said "I'm not expecting anything sexual but know (I'll) feel like utter shit if I don't". How is that not saying if OP didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit? The rest of the message implies this would be her fault "how ugly and worthless" it would make him feel.

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 07/03/2024 14:53

Bullet dodged. At worst, bit rapey. At best, massive ick - cuddle??? Who cuddles an acquaintance or even a friend? Who asks for a cuddle from anyone other than a partner, parent or child? Bizarre.

IncompleteSenten · 07/03/2024 14:55

Basically he said
If I don't get to fuck you, what's the point of you?

PinkLemonade555 · 07/03/2024 14:58

SilverSimca · 07/03/2024 14:51

He said "I'm not expecting anything sexual but know (I'll) feel like utter shit if I don't". How is that not saying if OP didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit? The rest of the message implies this would be her fault "how ugly and worthless" it would make him feel.

Show quote history

Reminds me of my abusive ex when I would turn down sex. He once threw a strop and then stood crying in front of the mirror saying ‘I’m trying to work out how I must be so ugly to you’.

fucking twat.

LeroyJenkinssss · 07/03/2024 15:01

i mean he couldn’t out himself more as an incel! His blocking his best mate because she didn’t appease his sexual requests is pretty on brand and the whole thing screams that he’s only going because he thought he might get sex.

I will say the phoning from a withheld number followed by a message from an unknown number is pretty concerning though. I think that’s creep me out even more - genuinely if you get more or random nuisance calls I’d let the police know.

anothernamitynamenamechange · 07/03/2024 15:08

You thought you were friends
He thought you were possibly at some point going to sleep with him which is why he did all the talking which is "what you get out of it".
I am sure his conversational skills and wit are so grade A and sparkling that many women would deliberately deceive him just so they could benefit from them. 🙄

Topseyt123 · 07/03/2024 15:10

SummerFeverVenice · 07/03/2024 14:46

Is he from Suffolk? often heard “cuddle” for “hug” when I lived there from the locals. Usually a friend, male or female, would say “Give us a cuddle then” and it just meant a hug.

”I just can’t believe he said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d feel like shit and insinuated that would be my fault!”
His texts did not say that at all.

I don’t know what you wanted tbh with those texts.

Yes, they absolutely did say that. I think you need to re-read them. Carefully.