I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.

[Ihavenamechanged987]

Not sure if relationships is exactly the right place for this but I’m reeling. How could anybody believe this is acceptable!

So guy I’ve known for years and would have said was a friend, albeit one I don’t see often. Both of us have had a rough month so arranged to meet him for drinks tonight with a few other people, strictly platonic. He was aware of this… or so I thought.

Texting earlier to arrange meeting time place etc and he starts to get a bit flirty. I clarify that this is just friends having a drink and a laugh together and nothing else and he agrees but then starts to push it again. Anyway I’ve attached the texts below because I’m speechless and angry.

The gist of the last message which is cut off is him asking if I’m still going! Funnily enough the answer was no with a side of me telling him he’s creepy and rapey. I’ve blocked and will never speak to him again but I’m so angry.

Block the new number and show the messages he has already sent to the police. Call them now on their 101 number. They can advise you and hopefully send him a warning.

It is getting very threatening now and stalkerish.

Does his name start with P? He texts like my ex...

Thank god you didn't go over there. I think your instincts were spot on. This guy was intending to have sex with you, and I'm not convinced your consent would have mattered to him that much.

I do think it is a mistake to not message him one final time, saying I have screenshot all your messages. Do not contact me again, or I will report your harassment of me to the police.

@Elecrricmaracas no, not with a P. It’s really quite alarming how many people on this thread recognise this behaviour. There must be a lot more of them than I realised!

@IncompleteSenten I may well send a message like that but I’ll wait and see if he contacts me again first. I’d rather give him the chance to just disappear first but one more message or missed call and I’ll send a warning.

It's very common, OP, and always has been I think. The classic one for me was staying in a hotel for a work thing in the 90's, being bought a drink by a male colleague (and, I thought, a friend), who then expected to sleep with me. When I refused he referenced the drink and added "...and you're single for f**k's sake!". Apparently there was something seriously wrong with me and I needed therapy...🙄

I do notice a positive difference between now and then though... in those days the conversation was mostly about how to get out of those situations 'gracefully'. Nowadays women don't stand for this type of rubbish. Being able to capture the evidence on your phone is also a great step forward.

Report him to the police this is starting to be stalker, harassment vibes.

He needs stopping

Nobody but him is blaming you.
And even he knows it’s BS. Men do this because women hate to feel like they’ve upset someone and we try to ‘put it right’. It’s manipulation. To make you stay friends and hopefully one day get what he wants.

Never speak to him ever again. Let him ring and ring from as many numbers again he’ll eventually move on.

I know it makes you feel sick to the stomach this kind of thing. Don’t be gaslighted. Block

Yes. Definitely.

Goddd what a creep! Just thank your lucky stars you realised before you met him!

Would he cuddle with The Rock? Or is it just women.

This

What age is this guy? He sounds juvenile and very predatory. Creep.

So glad you didn’t meet him, OP. Dreadful to think some unsuspecting woman may date him in future though.

Also, why was it for you to travel 3 hours to meet him? Wouldn’t it have been easier to meet halfway? Glad you didn’t though!

He sounds emotionally immature, and has obviously misinterpreted the fact that a woman would travel three hours to see him just as a friend, even though you have made it quite clear.

I have a high tolerance for shit (aka I am a complete people pleaser and always doubt my own instincts) and I got the ick about 1 message in.

Listen to everyone on the thread.

Wow good job you didn't go. He would definitely expected something.

The “cuddle” reference reminded me of being a teenager in my first relationship!
What a creep! Thank god he flipped his switch before you went to meet up! Definitely block and avoid him in future xx

Nutter. Never see or speak to or communicate with him in any way again. He's someone's stalker.

God I'm so sorry, how vile and upsetting. He's an utter creep and I suspect a danger to women.

Ew... I wonder how many women have ditched his flavour of friendship over the years... 'Self serving' here translates as 'won't shag me' btw.

He seems mighty upset and persistant for someone who told you not to contact him again and that he was doing this alllllll for you in the first place... out of the goodness of his rapey little heart.

You are well rid - send a single further message, same to both numbers.
'Do not contact me again. Further contact will be reported to the police as harrassment.'

Then do not reply to aaaaaanything else and follow up on that and report if he does message.

This is horrible and I'm glad you didn't go. Maybe you should report it to the police anyway as he has definitely done this before and will again to other women. He needs to be shown he can't get away with it. Hope you're ok.

I think you can assume we all got the gist of the situation, without having to share the texts/screenshots (that this is becoming a thing makes one scared to put anything in writing now). You’re allowed or be angry, and if you’re not on the same page you can end the friendship.

I would send one firm message saying, that if he isn’t aware this behaviour is scary and he’s harassing you. Please stop. Then block him

Say what now?
Have u read the thread?