Update - Divorce is in sight from sulking exh!

[jamaisjedors]

I posted a thread on mumsnet 5 years ago 😵and received amazing support from posters on here - couldn't have got through this without you all😘

Now the judge has finally come back with a verdict and she has ruled that we are divorced (no fault[ and rejected all of exh's claims of fraud etc. financially. She has made one ruling financially which is not particularly in my favour, and also reduced maintenance again but that's the price to pay for my freedom!

I had a nerve-wracking couple of weeks waiting to find out if exh was going to contest the decision, which would mean another 2 years of court and back and forth, but miraculously he has signed the paperwork accepting it and so have I, which means we all but divorced - just waiting for the official paperwork and update to marriage certificate etc to go through.

We also have to go back to a solicitor's to finalise the financial agreement, which I'm hoping will happen in the next month or so, so by early 2024, everything should be done and dusted.

I should be breaking out the champagne but it's a weird kind of anti-climax, still bits to tie up, still got to see exh again at the solicitor's, still in contact with my lawyer etc.

Plus I think after a rollercoaster 5 years I don't think I can let my guard down yet, I've had so many setbacks and delays.

I didn't want to jinx it by posting too early but my lawyer assures me that there is no going back on the divorce now, so it's finally time to share the news and thank everyone again for their amazing support.

Previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4125147-Divorcing-sulking-DH-it-WILL-happen-in-2021?reply=130620438

@MMMMMBaconsorry, have just seen your post! I'm so happy that my thread, which was a lifeline for me, has also helped other people 🤗.

No real update for the moment, apart from all the custody drama finally being over as ds 2 is 18 and the police have dismissed the case against me for not handing over SS2 last summer when he was a minor and also for harassment (exh filed a complaint about me this year again to the police but they have dropped it too due to lack of evidence).

Finances still ongoing, he is being slow to reply and now everything is shut for the summer so no chance of any movement until this autumn really...

Patience, patience!!!

So it’s going to be 2 years since the start of this thread most likely to get it finalised. He must be fuming that losing final control is going to happen.

I hope you are loving and living well without him still.

I often check your thread for updates and am so happy for you that at least the custody issues are finally over...
I wish you nothing but the best for you and your boys future ❤️..x

Forever grateful to you Jamais, for also kickstarting my realisation. I am so pleased your custody battles are over. Bring on the financial resolution. Your fortitude continues to inspire me.

And your threads helped give me the strength to tell stbx that I wanted out. Still not divorced but I'm now living in a different house and absolutely loving it.

Funny old world isn't it

@AutumnFroglets great news! Seems like we all help each other ❤️

Women supporting women 🤍

@Bluebeanbag wondered how you were getting on, hope all is well in your world 💐

How are you @Bluebeanbag

I was reluctant to reply on here because I didn't want to hijack Jamais' thread! I'm doing brilliantly, thank you both 😊 Will update fully over on my thread.

Oh @Bluebeanbag so pleased to read that!

@Bluebeanbag Ive followed your story from the start (as well as Jamais’) so pleased to hear you’re doing well

has the divorce finally come through Jamais? Hope you are well and your DSs too...think of you often

I've been up since silly o'clock and scrolling on MN.
Which got me thinking of you Jamais. I hope you have a happy and peaceful Christmas and a great New Year.

Yes, I was randomly wondering this yesterday.

Hoping you have a lovely Christmas!

Hello jamais, I was just culling a load of old threads on my list.
So I thought I’d drop by & ask if you are any nearer a financial resolution?
I hope you & your lads & bf are all thriving 😃

Hi all! Time for a final update I think! 🎉🎉🎉
Finally signed the financial agreement last week, on my lawyer's advice I had accepted a settlement out of court to avoid another 5-10 years of legal procedures. Took forever for the notary to finalize it though...

It's a compromise but at least it's finally done and dusted and I don't own a house with him anymore so am not liable for anymore "essential repairs" that he seems necessary for example.

And it gives me back a little financial cushion for if the car or boiler break down and also the kids' studies.

In other news I started EMDR therapy in January on my sons advice, I was sick of still having nightmares about exh 7 years later.

I found it hard work but very effective, as well as stopping the nightmares it has also improved my self confidence immeasurably (still working on assertiveness! but getting there!).

It also gave me a lot of insight into how I got myself into this relationship in the first place. Spoiler alert, I actually deep down believed that the things that my exh was saying about me (I was a fake, I was a horrible person inside and just pretending to be nice). Which I guess is why I stayed so long.

I can accept now what things in the relationship were due to "me" and my self image, but equally see (as everyone here pointed out) that I was also a victim of a highly skilled manipulator.

The end result of this work in therapy was that when I saw Exh in the notary's office, I didn't even recognize him! I'd built him up in my head to this powerful figure, whereas when I saw him he was genuinely pitiful 😮. Old man, hunched over, badly dyed hair...

So now I think if I have to see him again for them kids' graduations etc, I won't be apprehensive and it'll be doable and not spoil the occasion for me.

Still with mr DJ and very happy, the boys are doing great too and we have an amazing trip planned for this summer with some of the divorce money.

I think at this stage I could write a book based on all the threads on here, I will definitely print and keep them to have a record of my "journey", cheered on and advised by all the amazing women on here.

Final thank you to you all, for everything 💕💐
And a virtual cheers! 🥂

We made it! 🎉

@jamaisjedors O. M. G. 💐 🥂 🍾 to you! Finally!! So pleased to hear all is going well for you and your dss. And bravo for the therapy, may it leave you in peace at last. So glad you are free of that ghastly man.

Wow. What an amazing update. You are a warrior. Best of luck to you and your boys for the future. It is well deserved.

I am so thrilled for you.
That you see him for ugly little loser he really is.

On your behalf I am more than happy to be a stranger who dearly hopes he dies alone, screaming😁.

Blessings to you, your sons, DJ and new life.

Oh Jamais what a wonderful update! I’m so pleased for you, and so proud of you! Well done, enjoy the rest of your life without Mr Sulky round your neck. 🥂🍰💐

Brilliant update Jamais, so pleased your life is now how you want it. Yes EMDR can be brutal but it does work! Glad it’s working for you. Ever onwards and upwards and thank you for a final update.

I can’t remember what name I posted under on your previous threads but just dropping by to say hurrah! And well done you @jamaisjedors for navigating your many trials so brilliantly. It really is onwards and upwards from here.

The compromise is worth it, at least you never have to speak to him again, the boys can have their relationship if they want one, & You can forget he ever existed. You can block him on every devise ! Indeed I hope the rage that this incurs eats him up from the inside.
Have a great holiday ! & as they say here, "Bon Vent" !

Many many congratulations