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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Daisyislazy · 07/09/2023 18:42

@LadybirdStone yes I am thanks

MsDogLady · 07/09/2023 18:46

He created and perpetrated this web of lies for 4 months when it was completely unnecessary, as you’re okay with a weekly visit to the pub.

I agree with others — this elaborate deception is a cover for something illicit — in all likelihood an OW.

@Worried00, I admire your high bar of refusing to tolerate his long-term lying.

hot2trotter · 07/09/2023 19:02

Good for you OP. You have set the bar high, you know what is acceptable and what is not, I really admire that. I see so many doormat/wet lettuce posts on here, people umming and ahhing even though they've been shit on and it drives me mad! Finally a woman that knows her worth 🙌

Eileandover · 07/09/2023 19:07

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ItstimeToMoveagain · 07/09/2023 19:12

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Yeah of course you do 🤣

Qilin · 07/09/2023 19:13

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 05:40

He is a grown up, sure something may have happened but more likely staying somewhere there is being concerned and treating him a like a child just carry on like normal

So you wouldn't be concerned if your partner didn't come home after a night out, which was out of character for them? You'd just ignore the fact they'd stayed out overnight with no message?

I don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't be concerned about their missing partner.

I also don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't be annoyed if they simply didn't come home and didn't let their partner at home knowQ

LifeIsShitJustNow · 07/09/2023 19:13

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Why do you?
The OP never stopped him from
going out.
She trusted him fully until the lies came out.

Why should we feel sorry for him?

excelledyourself · 07/09/2023 19:19

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So why do you feel sorry for him?

Throwncrumbs · 07/09/2023 19:30

AbraKedavra · 07/09/2023 12:51

I always wonder who are the husbands who actually leave their own home because they're told to pack a bag.

Nobody would ever be throwing me out of my own home.

Years ago whenever me and my husband had a row, he used to say to me ‘ I’m leaving pack my bags for me’ I used to say ‘pack your own bags you lazy sod’ he’s still here 32 years later lol

MechyMagic · 07/09/2023 19:32

Dear me you can't win on here can you?! People pile on saying LTB for him leaving a wayward sock in the living room and yet when someone has been lied to for 4 months and actually does LTB they get told they're controlling and abusive 🙄

Well done OP for setting and maintaining your bar! Onwards and upwards, I know it hurts now but it will pass - hugs

summerfruit28 · 07/09/2023 19:33

Hi OP. I’ve quietly followed your post since 6 this morning. I haven’t said anything as I wanted to reserve judgement and also there are so many judgemental souls on here already. In your situation I too would have been sick with worry. Given your update tho, I strongly urge you to use any remaining strength to ascertain the facts. Lying about going to the pub to play darts is just too far fetched. Why would he feel he has to lie about this (unless you are a controlling wife who doesn’t let him see his friend). It’s just not something a man in a healthy relationship would do, unless it is to keep a secret from you. If he’s denying another woman and you suspect there is one, do some digging if you can. Build your case before you make any life changing decisions. I’m really sorry this has happened to you. And please ignore the utter tosspots on here blaming you or calling you unreasonable. Or slamming you for driving without insurance, they are just looking for reactions. Wishing you all the best x

Shapemyeyebrows · 07/09/2023 19:48

@Worried00 lying about where he has been on an ongoing basis for 4 months = another woman. Sounds like he was getting to the point of not being bothered to hide it by staying out.

Theunamedcat · 07/09/2023 19:49

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Speak for yourself my parents were drinkers and drink drivers drink "disappearing acts" it was unpleasant to grow up around

And yes dad cheated

cliché

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 07/09/2023 20:03

OP come back and tell us the bits you’ve missed out please.

Cucucucu · 07/09/2023 20:10

Op I’m with you , that lying would not be something I could live with .

Clarinetiu · 07/09/2023 20:31

Not aged well has it.

angieloumc · 07/09/2023 20:33

People feeling sorry for him, why? He's a liar even if not a cheater. Good for OP for knowing her worth.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/09/2023 20:34

I'm sorry, OP.
Don't blame you in the least for saying enough's enough.
How can you trust him again.

LadybirdStone · 07/09/2023 20:46

@Worried00 i think your reaction to ending your relationship is justified. If my DH had to lie about wanting to go to the pub with his mates, and then not tell me he wasn’t coming home and calling in sick to work, I would wonder WTAF was going on as well

kipperba · 07/09/2023 20:54

You poor thing OP. I can't believe how many people are siding with your husband here - for me regardless of why he felt the need to lie, the trust would be gone. I hope you and your kids are ok.

HamBone · 07/09/2023 21:03

Haven’t RTFT. Has he explained why he’s been lying, OP?

I’m not trying to excuse his behavior, but it’s frankly bizarre if he really has just been going to the pub with mates. Why would anyone lie about that (DH and I go out with friends and neither of us mind)?!

onwardsup4 · 07/09/2023 22:01

ReliantRobyn · 07/09/2023 14:17

She said she was uninsured.

Edited

She probably got temporary insurance before driving for goodness sake. Completely irrelevant

DWSDB · 07/09/2023 22:03

Hope you’re okay OP, what a horrible scary day you’ve had. Take care

SlideAway1 · 07/09/2023 22:06

Categorically he is using cocaine on the sly

HowDoesThisWorkPlease · 07/09/2023 22:08

I would be furious at him lying