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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Alwaysdecorating · 07/09/2023 06:04

Phone the non emergency number. He wasn’t drinking and it’s out of character. I would be concerned too

jelly79 · 07/09/2023 06:07

Can you try and identify any of his darts pals on social media and contact them?

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 07/09/2023 06:11

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 05:40

He is a grown up, sure something may have happened but more likely staying somewhere there is being concerned and treating him a like a child just carry on like normal

It’s not treating someone like a child to be concerned if they do something out of character.

Summerslimtime · 07/09/2023 06:12

Do you think he would have ended up drinking? Is that likely? Is there anyone who can check the car is at the venue?

I'd just get up now and get ready.

Ollifer · 07/09/2023 06:13

I can't stand it when people come onto threads like this and act totally baffled that someone would be concerned that their partner hasn't arrived home. Pretty sure they'd feel the same way if it happened to them but nah just come to stick the boot in, in typical Mumsnet fashion. I hope he's back soon op.

NCgoingdry · 07/09/2023 06:15

Ollifer · 07/09/2023 06:13

I can't stand it when people come onto threads like this and act totally baffled that someone would be concerned that their partner hasn't arrived home. Pretty sure they'd feel the same way if it happened to them but nah just come to stick the boot in, in typical Mumsnet fashion. I hope he's back soon op.

I do find it baffling when a hoard of women turn up and say he's a grown man ffs op.

Would they say that if it was a woman? Probably not.

This is completely out of character. Who wouldn't be worried?!

NashvilleQueen · 07/09/2023 06:15

Gosh OP I can understand why you are worried.

What sort of distance was he travelling to play darts? Are you his NOK on his phone? Has he been ok in himself recently?

If he is known in the pub where he went to play darts I would call them to check he was definitely there and any idea on what time he left.

Do you have phone numbers for any of his friends?

Wouldyouxxxxx · 07/09/2023 06:16

If it were me I'd drop the kids at school and take the day off if his work say he hasn't turned up. Drive to where he plays darts in his car and go from there. Definitely call 101 too.

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 06:17

NCgoingdry · 07/09/2023 06:15

I do find it baffling when a hoard of women turn up and say he's a grown man ffs op.

Would they say that if it was a woman? Probably not.

This is completely out of character. Who wouldn't be worried?!

Show quote history

If someone does not turn up for work and has not contacted someone sure I would be worried but a few hours late after a night out a little worried but I would not get hysterical about it

Susieb2023 · 07/09/2023 06:17

Totally agree with above posters. In all likelihood he’ll be home soon crossing fingers. But honestly being a ‘grown arse man’ doesn’t mean terrible things can’t happen and we shouldn’t be concerned.

NameChangeEmbarressed · 07/09/2023 06:18

Would his work contact you if he didn't turn up?

Are you his emergency contact on his phone?

The more I think about it OP I think you should definitely contact the police

Abipennington · 07/09/2023 06:19

Can you call a friend or family member with a car to support you in dropping kids to school and going out to look for him?

Motnight · 07/09/2023 06:19

Hope he turns up soon Op.

weathervane1 · 07/09/2023 06:20

OP - are you typing whilst still in bed? Is it possibly that he's home and crashed out on the sofa not wanting to wake you?

NameChangeEmbarressed · 07/09/2023 06:20

@WandaWonder but he's 6 and a half hours late home. That's more than a few hours.

He doesn't have form for this. Wasn't drinking. Not using his own car. Has children waiting at home for him.

No wonder OP is worried

HRTadvicepls · 07/09/2023 06:21

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:33

Yes 2 young children. Today I’ll be getting them up and ready for school, dropping them off to school then going to work myself.

if hubby gets home as he took my bloody car last night as his car has no aircon!

Show quote history

Has he left his car and keys? Are you insured to drive it? If so I'd just go about your morning routine as usual as far as possible to try and keep things normal for the kids. I say that, but in reality I'd be panicking massively too because it'd be hugely out of character for my dh too.

An online 101 referral maybe, with details of what he was wearing, where he went and usual timescales, car reg and mobile number is a good idea. Plus when you get to work (if you feel able to), call the place he went to and check if they know what time he left. Maybe call his work too and see if he made it in.

Hope all is well Flowers

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 07/09/2023 06:23

I can understand, it's just not his usual behaviours. If someone suggested my husband just crashed on a mates sofa, I would know it's not him. He genuinely hates staying away from home.

Trust your gut because you know him and you know what's realistic and expected behaviours

If he decided to drink (let's say out of character), would he let you know? I would assume so, in fact it's highly unlikely as you need your car for work.

Just make a call, if all turns out well, then that's OK.

LovingMyLiver · 07/09/2023 06:24

Oh OP you must be worried sick I really hope he's okay x

electriclight · 07/09/2023 06:24

If he doesn't arrive at work yes I'd call the police.

Do you have a friend who could drive you to where he was playing? I'd want to drive the route incase his car went off the road, and check the car park for his car to see if he had too much to drink and went home with a friend. You could also pick your car up in that scenario.

I don't think I'd be able to go to work.

Viviennemary · 07/09/2023 06:25

He will turn up full of remorse and excuses. If anything had happened you would have been contacted. Very thoughtless of him causing you all this worry.

VisionsOfSplendour · 07/09/2023 06:26

weathervane1 · 07/09/2023 06:20

OP - are you typing whilst still in bed? Is it possibly that he's home and crashed out on the sofa not wanting to wake you?

That actually happened to me once, I must have fallen asleep, not heard my exp come in and then woken up later in the night. He was drunk and asleep on the sofa. The lights were still on and it did take me a while to think to check

Hope he comes home safely OP

Escalateandcreate · 07/09/2023 06:27

I can understand why you are worried OP. Don’t listen to the others. I hope he’s turned up now and is at least safe.

Redglitter · 07/09/2023 06:29

It wouldn't do any harm to phone hospitals. That's something 101 will ask if you've done.

If you've no joy there I'd call 101. If he'd been out drinking etc that's different but when he's just been at the pub and driving and this is so out of character I'd call 101

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/09/2023 06:29

Viviennemary · 07/09/2023 06:25

He will turn up full of remorse and excuses. If anything had happened you would have been contacted. Very thoughtless of him causing you all this worry.

Not always the case. My DH was in a life changing accident and the priority was taking him into surgery not calling me. I'd call 101 OP to rule it out.

Shoxfordian · 07/09/2023 06:32

See if you can work out which of his friends he was with but do an online 101 report - maybe phone a local hospital?

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