Husband hasn’t come home!

[Worried00]

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

I would have no problem with him going out drinking!
And i am not in anyway controlling or an abuser!! So no need to feel sorry for him at all thank you very much!!!

No, OP simply said he doesn't drink... yes, an extrapolation on my part. Just the way it has been worded implies maybe OP once said she had something against drinking, or had an alcoholic ex... to make him think that if he said he drank, that he'd have less of a chance with her. I know I'm over-analysing this, but assuming it IS just a drink, what reasons can you think of why he'd lie about it?..

I agree with you @Worried00.
Stupid lies. Whatever the resason behind them the trust is gone.
How dare you put you through the stress of contacting the police and the hospitals.
I wouldn't have him back either, I'd never be able to trust a word he said.

I wouldn't be able to forgive all that lying. I think there is still more into it.

I'm not accusing you OP, I'm literally thinking out loud (sorry if I have offended you). I'm sure there's more to it. But it's either he's hiding drinking (why would he feel he needs to), or he's hiding something else... If one, I feel sorry for him, if the other I feel sorry for you.
There will be many saying he lied, he's a monster... but if it's just drinking, I'm wondering why he felt he needed to.

I would be absolutely fuming if that were my OH. How bloody disrespectful. And if he has been lying for 4 months, how can you trust him again. Has he been spending loads of money you don't have on boozing, might that be why he lied? Or something else.

I don't blame you he had no reason to lie and was selfish and thoughtless you've been worried sick while he was off on a jolly. Trust is broken would be a deal breaker for me too

How come you didn't realise he had been drinking every week? Didn't you smell it on him?

So, he's been drink driving every week?

Sorry, I see you say he doesn't normally take the car.

I'm sorry OP. I have so much respect for you as you clearly have a lot of self-respect to not take this crap.

It's very sad another split household with kids but I have a feeling there is more to this decision than simply one night.

Perhaps you knew things were not right. Anyways I wish you luck as I know the next few months will be hard on everyone involved.

Sorry to see the update.

Well done OP for refusing to accept all this lying and BS in your marriage.

Most people assume darts is played in a pub anyway so why he’s been lying is weird and very suspect. Lying is a death knell to a relationship. You set your bar high and that’s to be commended.

so sorry to hear your updates. He’s told so many lies, you’ll never be able to trust him again. I hope you have friends/family to support you.

I think that’s rubbish and doesn’t at all justify his lying for four months or letting OP worry herself sick over his whereabouts. How can she ever trust him again!

Theres no above board reason why her H (not DH) could have told OP he likes a drink now and then. OP has not given any indication she only approves or tolerates teetotalism.

Going out to pub with mates is fine. However, the fact he lied not only about what he was doing but also where AND who he was with is just way too suspicious. There's no reason for deceit on every level unless he's hiding something big.

I could to some extent understand a group of immature friends all being like Xs wife won't let him come just hang out, it has to be an 'activity' so all of us will tell our wives we're 'playing football' or 'joined a darts team' instead so everyone's story is the same. It's bloody stupid but not harmful. The fact ALL of it is a lie, the what, where and who, there just isn't a reasonable explanation.

WHY?! I have no idea. Am i that horrible that he cannot tell me he is going to0 the pub once a week!? WOW. I am in shock

I'll go out on a limb and say you probably do have an idea why he had to hide it. I wonder what his side of the story would be.

Well you did tell him to 'pack a bag' and leave his own house.

Maybe keep your thoughts in your head rather than accusing someone going through something stressful and upsetting of being a controlling abuser based on shit you made up 🙄

Sorry OP this is shit but you sound level headed. A pp asked if this means he's been drink driving every week, but bear in mind that "secretly going to the pub every week" is what he's just now admitted to. We've only heard it from him. He might not have been going to the pub every time, he might just have been cheating. You're right that it doesn't even matter much either way; let him tie himself up in knots, you can find someone better.

Wonder what his mates think? They must be in on it so as not to blow his cover.

It's more likely he hid it in because he knew he was in the wrong.

He goes out to play darts every week til midnight with friends OP has never met (or so she believed). She has no idea how to track his phone and it clearly never crossed her mind before. He's been lying to her every week about a range of things for 4 months and she had no idea. That's not the sign of a controlling wife to me, she actually seems pretty laidback until she found out about the lies. And since she discovered the lying she has very clear boundaries and isn't being walked all over. I think the OP actually sounds very reasonable yet strong and not willing to have the piss taken out her.

I'd guess he's actually been lying to cover up something else but that's not for me to speculate. I imagine OP is already considering that herself

Maybe because he's been lying to her about what he's doing, who he's with and where he is for months? Weekly, without any guilt. Who knows what the fuck else he's been lying about.

Or maybe because he took OPs car knowing she needed it for work and to get their young kids to school? Then went off the radar and because every single thing he told OP was a lie there was no way for her to find out what happened? Car wasn't going to be at the pub he said he was at because he never went there, even if she had called his old workplace and managed to get in contact with his old work colleagues they wouldn't know anything about this dart club or where he was because it was fictional and he was never out with them in the first place.

So I'd say she kicked him out because she has standards.

While it’s good he’s not dead in a ditch , which would be horrible for you and the dc, his lying is totally unacceptable. And I really can’t see a bloke that desperate to go out with his mates that he has to lie. Cherchez La femme.

Four months of lies is unforgivable. And he took the car for a reason. If he's been going to pubs each week for months drinking, why would he take the car this time? For cover, to use the 'can't drive home, crashed on sofa' excuse. I'd throw his sorry ass out so fast he would not know what hit him.