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Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
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5
Butterfly44 · 08/09/2023 11:59

Going to weekly darts vs weekly pub are no difference really - social activities with friends. Why lie is beyond me.

Unless of course it's neither which would be my guess. He wasn't at darts and neatest he could say was pub?

Anyway, awful situation. He left you and kids stranded and v worried contacting everyone. Not on

RedRedScab · 08/09/2023 12:11

if he is driving to the pub nights and drinking it means he’s been drinking and driving.

Bloody hell can't anyone be bothered to read the thread?? He hasn't been going to the pub has he? He's more than likely been seeing his OW.

RedRedScab · 08/09/2023 12:17

But why lie about it and continue to lie about for four years.

Four months. Which is still bad enough. Why lie? Because it was the first lie he could think of that was closest to the original one. But it's still very obviously not the truth.

TeaGinandFags · 08/09/2023 12:27

Dear OP

My heart goes out to you.

People do love to point the finger, especially here, but your hubby has put you through the wringer and well done for getting rid of him.

Since he's been acting like a single man let him be one. And wipe him off your insurance. Drinking and driving is a risky game and not to be played in other people's cars as no insurance company would cover that.

Good luck for the future x

dottydaily · 08/09/2023 12:52

Gosh,I taught people would fight a bit harder for a marriage.I would expect after making a commitment to another person we would try figure out together what wrong and decide if we want to fix it together…it seems like he wanted a few drinks and felt the need to lie,can’t be honest…that’s a problem..and when the truth was communicated,he was told to leave again that’s a problem.clear problem in marriage but maybe explore fixing them…

OhComeOnFFS · 08/09/2023 13:04

@dottydaily You are very naive. He's been lying for weeks about where he's going to. Week in and week out. The OP wouldn't have minded if he'd been going for a drink. She says he doesn't drink anyway.

Now he's gone out for one of those nights he's lied about and stayed overnight and lied about where he was.

That's why she's kicked him out, not because he had a drink.

AdamRyan · 08/09/2023 13:07

dottydaily · 08/09/2023 12:52

Gosh,I taught people would fight a bit harder for a marriage.I would expect after making a commitment to another person we would try figure out together what wrong and decide if we want to fix it together…it seems like he wanted a few drinks and felt the need to lie,can’t be honest…that’s a problem..and when the truth was communicated,he was told to leave again that’s a problem.clear problem in marriage but maybe explore fixing them…

Honestly
What went wrong is he has lied to his wife for 4 years, who knows why, then treated her appallingly this week.
Lying and disrespect are breaking that commitment. Why should she have to fight harder over his behaviour?

Lying like this is the thing that broke the marriage, it would be impossible in my view to ever trust again

AdamRyan · 08/09/2023 13:10

I'm very taken aback by posters assuming him lying is somehow her fault.
It's far more likely he was doing something he knew she wouldn't be OK with. And rather than having the decency to talk to her about it, or not do it at all (depending what it is) he lied. That's why people normally lie - to get their own way or get out of consequences to their actions.
Why are there so many apologists for shitty behaviour on here?

Gillbil · 08/09/2023 13:36

I'm sorry, its bleak but it might be a good idea to sort out bank account ls and probably to get tested sooner rather than later

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 08/09/2023 15:23

@Worried00 - so sorry that you have had a horrible night of worry and a huge shock Flowers Don't let him make this your fault in some way!

To some of the less well-read🙂 posters above: @Worried00 is not reacting to her DP's night out and drinking. (Presumably she has always imagined that he was having an enjoyable night out in the pub with mates. )

She is reacting to his total carelessness of her reasonable worries about his safety last night- her need for the car - AND his strange lies.

Utter lack of consideration of her feelings and the fact that clearly he can not to be trusted (whatever the reason for his lies) are very sound reasons for her actions.

CustardySergeant · 08/09/2023 15:41

AdamRyan "What went wrong is he has lied to his wife for 4 years, who knows why, then treated her appallingly this week."

Where are you getting 4 years from? The OP said 4 months.

Samlewis96 · 08/09/2023 16:00

Seems the not telling her where he was and leaving her worrying is a single incident though. Bit much to walk out of a marriage for. Glad I'm not so beholden to my partner

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 08/09/2023 16:03

Samlewis96 · 08/09/2023 16:00

Seems the not telling her where he was and leaving her worrying is a single incident though. Bit much to walk out of a marriage for. Glad I'm not so beholden to my partner

Not sure you can call 4 months of lying about your whereabouts to your family for no apparent good reason "a single incident", though. Think you are missing the point here.

AdamRyan · 08/09/2023 16:16

CustardySergeant · 08/09/2023 15:41

AdamRyan "What went wrong is he has lied to his wife for 4 years, who knows why, then treated her appallingly this week."

Where are you getting 4 years from? The OP said 4 months.

Typo

LifeIsShitJustNow · 08/09/2023 18:04

Samlewis96 · 08/09/2023 16:00

Seems the not telling her where he was and leaving her worrying is a single incident though. Bit much to walk out of a marriage for. Glad I'm not so beholden to my partner

I’d expect my partner to be that beholden that not telling me he is not coming back home, esp when he has the car I need to take the dcs to school and to get to work wouldnt even enter his consciousness

But that means
1- having enough self-control to either stop drinking or decide you’ll crash before you are totally out of it
2- actually thinking about your DP and the effect of you not coming back home wo telling them
3- having enough balls to tell them (which is I suspect one of the main issues here - he wouldn’t have wanted to let the cat out of the bag but letting the OP know he had been lying)

fwiw even as a one off, not letting g your DP know you won’t be home when you’ve never talked about it etc… isn’t acceptable in the first place. A minimum of respect for your partner is the backbone of a healthy relationship

willWillSmithsmith · 08/09/2023 20:18

Samlewis96 · 08/09/2023 16:00

Seems the not telling her where he was and leaving her worrying is a single incident though. Bit much to walk out of a marriage for. Glad I'm not so beholden to my partner

I would say that every time over the four months he let his wife think he was at darts was an incident.

Superlambaanana · 08/09/2023 21:52

I was hooked by this the other morning when I joined MN for the first time and the OP was giving live updates on her missing DH. I don't know how to turn off the notifications so I'm completely hooked. All very dramatic but horrendous for her obv - apparently I'm a voyeur - who knew?! Slightly disappointed to discover there isn't a major live-police-chase level drama on MN every morning. Anyway, I can't help thinking, who the hell leaves his wife and children to think he's dead. Of course they were going to phone the police and hospitals. Saying he fell asleep is not a good enough excuse in this situation!!

ImNotWorthy · 08/09/2023 22:44

@Superlambaanana
Threads with live updates are not always what they seem.
This is not aimed at the OP, just mentioning it because you are new to MN and I was new once.

Eileandover · 09/09/2023 12:56

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Throwncrumbs · 09/09/2023 17:01

Men who play darts have their own set of darts and flies. They don’t share them if they are serious about it. If he doesn’t own any darts surely you must have known he was lying. I’m a darts widow so I know what I’m talking about!

excelledyourself · 09/09/2023 19:01

This reply has been deleted

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And you're obviously over invested.

Mumsmet · 09/09/2023 21:37

Throwncrumbs · 09/09/2023 17:01

Men who play darts have their own set of darts and flies. They don’t share them if they are serious about it. If he doesn’t own any darts surely you must have known he was lying. I’m a darts widow so I know what I’m talking about!

How would anyone know this who didn't know anyone else who plays darts?

Also, anyone could buy darts as a prop to cover a lie......

bongopow · 10/09/2023 00:54

Throwncrumbs · 09/09/2023 17:01

Men who play darts have their own set of darts and flies. They don’t share them if they are serious about it. If he doesn’t own any darts surely you must have known he was lying. I’m a darts widow so I know what I’m talking about!

You know what you're talking about because your DH plays darts and has his own set. As a result you know having a set of your own is standard.

OPs DH does not really play darts and therefore has presumably not been teaching OP about dart playing etiquette and common practises. Unless she already knew this from someone else, how would she know to be suspicious?

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