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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sex while asleep

319 replies

Rachellilllian · 26/09/2022 13:56

I woke up a night ago as my partner turned me over and started having sex with me, I was fast asleep when he started. They was no hug or fondle just straight in. 18 months together and he has never done this before, but I feel uncomfortable. When I asked me about it the morning, he just said sorry that he didn’t know who had started it.

OP posts:
ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Can't see where I broke any rules with this comment @mnhq

I just said that waking someone up with sex is different to raping them while you think they're asleep...

Dancingjane · 27/09/2022 16:20

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 15:57

Can't see where I broke any rules with this comment @mnhq

I just said that waking someone up with sex is different to raping them while you think they're asleep...

Show quote history

Bugger off troll! The OP on here is a real person in crisis and you think waking up to someone having sex with you is ok. Yoy need to raise your standards.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2022 16:22

I just said that waking someone up with sex is different to raping them while you think they're asleep...

For the troll/hard of thinking crowd; don't have sex without enthusiastic consent. When someone is asleep they can't give that. Sex without consent is rape.

Ghhaan · 27/09/2022 16:52

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 15:57

Can't see where I broke any rules with this comment @mnhq

I just said that waking someone up with sex is different to raping them while you think they're asleep...

Show quote history

What the fuck is “waking up someone with sex”. The person has obviously initiated sex with the other person whilst they were asleep, ergo without their consent.

The amount of women justifying this shit is sad.

Algor1thm · 27/09/2022 16:56

@Ghhaan my thoughts exactly. Literally the only way this would be consensual is if you said to them 'tomorrow morning please start having sex with me while I'm asleep so I can wake up and you're already having sex with me'. Even then, it's a grey area, and I'd be concerned what man would want to put their penis inside and unconscious woman.

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 17:39

No no.

You've got me wrong. My initial response was to the comments saying they like it when their partners woke them up like that. My whole point was it was COMPLICATED different to the situation the OP was talking about.

I honestly didn't mean it how it's been taken.

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 17:45

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 17:39

No no.

You've got me wrong. My initial response was to the comments saying they like it when their partners woke them up like that. My whole point was it was COMPLICATED different to the situation the OP was talking about.

I honestly didn't mean it how it's been taken.

Completely.

Please read my other responses on this thread. I'm 100% behind the OP. I was disgusted with the minimising yesterday. I'm not trying to troll.

ELL2478 · 27/09/2022 17:45

OP i had something similar with my DH there is a thread on here about it. Most people were really reasonable and helped me see it for what it was. I think your bf's attitude about it says a lot as well, that he was cold to you the next day and only said sorry when you brought it up (not that a sorry excuses it). My husband is similar he says a husband does not need consent bt consent should be given everytime, when you are fast asleep you cannot give that. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Im very sorry OP and glad there are people on here to help you. Wishing you well.

OldFan · 27/09/2022 18:39

Also, people are accepting that groping someone to wake them up or warm a sleeping person up for a shag is ok.

If the person's asleep when you grope them it's still not ok, it's sexual assault.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2022 19:05

My husband is similar he says a husband does not need consent

That's chilling. You're married to a rapist.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/09/2022 19:13

@ELL2478 your husband does need your consent. The law around marital rape changed in the 1980s i believe. Everyone has to consent, no matter who they are or the relationship, otherwise it is rape.

ELL2478 · 27/09/2022 19:22

Yes i know. Thanks for your reply. As i said in my post i posted about this problem in my marriage on here recently. Many posters agreed with you. X

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2022 19:23

I'm so sorry ELL

Pixiedust1234 · 27/09/2022 20:14

Oh sorry, I thought he had got into your head and made you believe it too. Keep strong Flowers

Original poster
Rachellilllian · 27/09/2022 20:40

@ELL2478 im sorry this has happened to you too. When you love someone and they do this, it’s the most confusing thing. I hope your ok too

OP posts:
Hazel0302 · 27/09/2022 20:49

Not sure if this has been shared as it’s been such a long thread with a lot of support. It has been criticised as making sexual assault seem trivial, but I think it makes consent very clear. I’m sorry this has happened to you, OP.

ELL2478 · 27/09/2022 21:21

Thank you. Of course this thread is about you not me and I don't want to take the spotlight from you! But message me privately if u ever need to talk. (If you can do that here Im not sure). Im still with my husband for many reasons so may not always be a good help but Im always happy to talk. Take care x

Original poster
Rachellilllian · 27/09/2022 21:34

@ELL2478 i hope this post helps you too, and anyone else. I’m over whelmed with peoples kindness and I’m so glad I posted this. It’s hard but I need to get away from him, there has been a lot of other things he has done and this has made me realise he is toxic and I need to start to get strong again and break this.

OP posts:
OldFan · 27/09/2022 21:48

You can do it @Rachellilllian xx

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