Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

... and Happy Birthday! 🎂

A very happy birthday to you. x

Happy birthday OP.

Thinking of you, you’re doing an amazing job

I've been silently sending support from the sidelines Pebble. You've been incredibly brave. Happy birthday, fellow Gemini 👭

Happy Birthday 🎈

Hope you get some really good news later

Happy birthday - and everything crossed for you.

I'm thinking if you. Do you have you go back to court today for the decision? Good luck with everything. I agree the the judge will have seen it all before

Happy birthday 🥳

How will you find out the outcome ? Will you have to go back ? If you do make sure they've got all the security in place as he's going to be very volatile now (and might not have anything to loose if the result is right)

Have a lovely birthday, I hope you have time for some cake with your DD.

Just checking in to wish you all very best. I know it's hard while waiting for news but you've done everything right. I've got my fingers crossed that, as in a lot of these situations, the judge sees through the posturing and crocodile tears.

Checking in and wishing you a very very very Happy Birthday Pebble

@Pebbledashery

Thanks everyone, going to ask mumsnet to take the other thread down in a mo. It's unfortunately my birthday today, trying my best to have a normal day and not feel like rubbish, but I just keep thinking of being called a "woman scorned" and hoping the Judge didn't get taken in by that.

That's misogynistic bollock-speak and I'd hope any judge worth their salt would see right through that nonsense.

Happy Birthday 🎂

Hey @Pebbledashery hope you’re having a decent birthday and are able to take some time out for you in some way - you’re incredible and i will be keeping everything crossed for you

Sending birthday wishes and much strength to you, Pebbles

Thanks everyone. xx appreciate it.
My Barrister and Solicitor will get the outcome via email. I'm so scared, I really am. I know if I lose this fact finding that's it - he stands a good chance of getting overnight and unsupervised contact because Cafcass also write the section 7 based on the findings.. I am absolutely praying the Judge will see right through his sudden apologetic tears and know at the time that he was a monster.. the thought of no findings behind made or all the findings get made against me absolutely kills me..I can't explain it, but I feel like I am losing my DD to him :( it's a sad sinking feeling I have at the bottom of my stomach. He was so believable yesterday, had I not lived that life, I would have almost believed him :(
They are desperately trying to change the narrative of abusive relationship to toxic relationship that would insinuate both parties.

How old is your DD now Pebbles?

She is coming up to 3 years old now x

I was also labelled ‘woman scorned’ I think barristers representing abusers have a script too!

I did point out to my barrister that I was hardly scorned when I was the one divorcing ex, who also wrote to court to say there was no need for a divorce, it was a private matter and apparently I was deliriously happy. Shockingly I got my divorce 🤣

It's the fact it's being spun as a toxic relationship between the 2 of us rather than an abusive relationship from him towards me.. that's what I am struggling to cope with as I lived that life.

Good luck OP

glad to have found this thread @Pebbledashery I didn't realise at first you were the same poster as the toxic boss - well done you on being so strong to get through that situation. Now you can get through this situation too - you are a strong woman, not a woman scorned and Happy Birthday!!!

If it was a toxic relationship, where you were as much to blame, you would not have had the help to leave that you got.
There would be as many police complaints about you as there were him.
There wouldn't have been the safeguards in place to prevent him following you home from
court.
It is just a straw his barrister reached for because they had nothing else.

I hope the judge agrees.

And Happy Birthday.

I really hope so too. My Barrister made the stiff point that in 20 Police call outs, I was entered as the victim every single time, and that if I am as they are insinuating I am, that I would have at the very least been arrested once.
She was cross examining me on pictures of his injuries, some photos of scratches and saying I attacked him and my version of events was a lie.. I said, what does one expect one to do when someone is strangling them? not fight for their lives? - I was clawing at him to get him off me.. she said that's just not true is it, that just doesn't tally up. I didn't say this - but if I was going to attack him, i'd throw a frying pan in his face or slap him - not bloody scratch him!

@Pebbledashery - you share a birthday with my fabulous, intelligent and beautiful mum . She died prematurely 9 years ago from a dementia that was brought in by a head injury a few years before but had a life well lived. She was cycling in India age 66 when the accident happened

I see that as a positive omen: you are a strong woman who is working hard to do best by your dd. You go girl!!

Oh, prettybird, that's so sad