Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

Contact centre is forcing me to pay for fathers day contact tomorrow. Honestly, I just feel like the world is against me and everyone is falling for him,

How can they force you to pay? What’s the process? Don’t they follow the last order re costs split?

The last Court order we had in January ordered that I pay for half the cost of contact, we've had two other court orders since. I haven't seen the latest one so not sure what it says.
Honestly feel like giving up :( how can this disgusting and vile predator be having interim contact. It's almost like the Court want us to be in danger.

He knows this will annoy you. He wants you to make a mistake now so he has some ammunition to use against you.

As awful as it is, I would go to the contact centre tomorrow. Dd will be safe as it's supervised. You won't have to see him. And you will be complying with the order.

Hopefully it will be the last time.

The thought of this being the rest of my life just terrifies me. I really hope findings are made and we have a wonderful cafcass officer,

Go to the contact centre tomorrow even if it doesn’t feel fair but document to your lawyer if he doesn’t turn up or if you are lumbered with the whole cost. Play the long game every breach of an order by him reduces his credibility for the court.

I will go, but only because I am court ordered and there is nothing i can do at the moment - every single part of me is praying the Judge sees right through my ex.

This is such distressing reading OP.. I absolutely sympathise, and I agree wholeheartedly.. if you CANNOT afford to PAY then how on earth are they expected to facilitate Contact..,

Ive literally never heard of this Contact arrangement...

Is there any professionals on here who could advise OP.... this is just so distressing.

OP please stay strong 🌸

I've never known of any resident parent to pay half the cost of contact. If I lost my job I'd be in breach of the order. How backwards is that.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

Go to the contact centre tomorrow even if it doesn’t feel fair but document to your lawyer if he doesn’t turn up or if you are lumbered with the whole cost. Play the long game every breach of an order by him reduces his credibility for the court.

Yes this

So true

Hateful piece of scum will get what is coming for him

Didn't you have to bring you r DD for contact with the abuser on Mother's Day?

@Queenie6655 Yes so I gave him 2 months notice via Solicitors and the contact centre to change the date of contact on Mothers day, as it was my first one away from him. Last Mothers day I spent sobbing and being called a c* and went to bed at 7pm with DD. He ignored all of the letters from my Solicitor and said via the contact centre that Sunday is the only day he can do contact because of work... gets to the Monday of the week of Mothers day, his Solicitor sends a letter back to say his client refuses to change the date of contact and I must come on Mothers day. I burst into tears when I got there.

It's meant to be a negotiation, His Lawyer does not get carte blanche on Contact, if your DD has Hospital or Dental appointments those days then sorry but your DD would not be available.

This is just awful.

DD has been invited to a birthday party one Sunday in August which is going to fall on his contact day.. I wonder what he'll do.
DD has been terrified of seeing him, I have taken two videos and an audio recording of her saying she's scared, screaming, doesn't want to see him, no mummy no. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm cornered.

The courts will deem ordered contact more important than a party invite.

I do hope he is not awarded on going contact in the future.

He is going to terrorise my life forever.

Does anyone know how it would work if he was ever to achieve overnight/unsupervised contact and he wouldn't ever be able to find out where we live.. what would happen with when DD is in school? her schooling will obviously be near where I live and if he was to know what school she went to, then he would know what area we lived in.. it was a recommendation of children's services that we live in a confidential location, where we live now is a safe house. He has a violent history, including harassment and stalking.. so there is absolutely NO WAY he could find out where we lived.

Been following your story and hope you get the court decision sooner to stop this constant torture. You will be ok, you managed to get away and can continue to be strong.

Pebbledashery If he is allowed contact you can arrange all pickups & drop offs somewhere public like a supermarket car park. That is what my late dp did when we used to pick up his dc, that way everything is on camera & if anything does kick off the shop security will handle it. Hopefully he will only have contact at a contact centre & normally one party has to stay longer than the other so that there is no chance of anyone being followed, usually it is the one having contact. I would imagine he will have to prove that he can behave & has the skills to look after dc before the judge will allow him unsupervised contact. Does he have any problems with drugs & alcohol? If he does he could be ordered to have blood & hair tests to check how much he uses & a the hearing will be adjourned until the results are known.

No. But him and I can never meet or come face to face, he made threats to kill and would honestly put me in intensive care if he came face to face with me. His mother said that herself. So how would handover be safe.. I can't possibly be asked to face him.

Getting ready to take her to the contact centre, she's had a massive melt down and said she doesn't like him, doesn't want to see him and he's scary 😢.. I don't understand as I never, ever, EVER talk about him.. Other than to prepare her and say she's seeing him on a contact weekend, I won't utter a single word about him otherwise. She says things like, just me and you mummy, nobody else.. Not daddy. 😢

Pebbledashery
Don’t think about what ifs in the future yet. Take each day as it comes.

I’m sorry your DD is unhappy hopefully he won’t show up today.

That is horrendous, Pebble. Can you get feedback from the contact centre workers about what he's like with your daughter? I assume they watch him like a hawk?

This is awful.

Sending massive hugs to you and DD.

I really hope you can put an end to this and evict him from your life permanently

I would also ask your solicitor to approach the contact centre staff for objective and professional observations
If this ain’t been done already?
Rather than you ask for them

This is such an awful situation for you and for your child. And to think it’s supposed to be about what children want and what’s in their interests.

Thinking of you Pebble xx