Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

I don't think we'll hear for a while, my solicitor said it may be the judgement is given at our next hearing, but I do remember the judge saying he would provide a written judgement for lawyers.

Oh @Pebbledashery, the wait is so hard, try and focus on getting through one day at a time. Each day now is a day safe from ex

Well done for your hard work
You are protecting dd
🍰🍰🍦🍦

every day I log on hoping you have a good and safe Judgement and I have fingers and toes crossed for you OP 🌸💕

When is the next hearing scheduled?

Surely you'd need to have heard something in order to know what to prepare for the next hearing?

although of course if you're simply telling the truth, then it's easier to prepare

Just have to try not to let it ruin the weekend I guess.

I’ve been lurking. I know this must be hugely stressful but don’t underestimate what you’ve achieved. You’ve got away from a horribly abusive man and you’ve been brave enough to stand up against him in court. You can’t do anymore than you have done. You’ve coped the best way you can in an awful situation. Don’t let the worry over the judgement blind you to how far you have come.

I know we've come a long way, I just know if no findings are made against him, he will torment me for the rest of my living life.. I just know it.

you have come through so much you and your child ... credit to you 🌸

I just can't for the life of me see how the judge could possibly think it was a toxic relationship rather than abusive. If it was toxic and I was held accountable then children's services wouldn't have let me flee with DD.

@Pebbledashery

I just can't for the life of me see how the judge could possibly think it was a toxic relationship rather than abusive. If it was toxic and I was held accountable then children's services wouldn't have let me flee with DD.

I have to agree

Keep having wobbles.. I know there is an abundance of evidence from different professional agencies. 20 police call outs and each time I was entered as the victim in the crime report.. That's got to say something.

Remember you have external third party evidence backing up your version of events. This not simply your word against his.

Judges live in a different world, relying on Reports and Recommendations.. but your Case is very different, its not something Ive had experience of before, but as you say.. every single Police Response confirmed you were a Victim of Domestic Abuse, this cannot be ignored..

I have everything crossed for you I really do.. 🌸

I just wrote a really long post and the Internet swallowed it grrr!

Again, in brief:

I’m so sorry, it’s horrible all of this. These official processes do not do much to protect the victims from the damage the process itself inflicts as you go through. Xxx

I’m empathizing a lot as I’ve just had a horrible experience this week myself with a big official meeting, which was supposed to be positive, but an defensive professional turned it on me and it became an accusatory and antagonistic series of questions which came from nowhere, was ridiculous amd unfair now I’ve had time to think about it, and left me looking like a bad mother and really upset me as A. I’ve actually been pushing for this to happen for 2 yrs and being refused / let down, now they are blaming me for things not being done that I’ve been begging the professionals to do! And I’m so upset as it turned into me being judged and messing up trying to explain myself as I wasn’t expecting it… I have ptsd and freeze in these situation, which they knew, and they promised they’d made ‘reasonable adjustments’ for me, then broke them all in behaving like this. It was horrible. I feel like I failed my son and I’m scared they think I’m a terrible parent now because I couldn’t answer anything properly. God it was awful.

Anyway, you have my sympathies

Thanks everyone. God I feel like crying. The latest issue is I've been ordered to make her available for contact on fathers day. In our previous order it says I am to pay for half of contact. But the last time we turned up to the contact centre he didn't bother showing up and the contact centre staff showed up too.. They have to pay the supervisors and the use of the centre for nothing. Anyway they've asked me to confirm contact on Sunday and I said I'll make available but unfortunately won't be able to pay.. I've worded it as I can't afford to but really it's because hell will freeze over before I pay for contact to take place on fathers day. He's kicking up a huge fuss and saying i must pay otherwise contact isn't going ahead.
Does that sound like a father who actually wants to see his daughter??

Why? If he abused her why is he allowed contact. Sorry just don't understand this
I take it thus is nothing to do with the outcome of the case? This is just ongoing ?
If they are still allowing contact at this point then I don't get that, surely that doesn't bode well .
Ridiculous imo
When will you get the outcome of the case?

He is such a cock.

The judge didn't mention much regarding contact as this was was the fact finding for the non molestation order.. If I don't make her available this weekend I'll probably get in trouble.. I said I'll make her available but I'm not paying when our time and money was wasted a few week ago when he didn't bother to show up. Just another example of him not being bothered about contact, it's control.

Did he ever even bother explaining or going to the effort of making up an excuse why he didn't turn up?

Or did he just take pleasure in you and your dd waiting around for him and having to pay for the privilege?

He said contact was never confirmed and that he had refused to come because I said I wasn't going to come two weeks in a row because I had missed one session due to illness.. The following week was the session I was making up for the missed session.. He initially agreed then last minute changes his mind to say he's not coming unless I agree to 2 weeks in a row. He's saying contact was never confirmed but funny that the supervisors turned up.. They had to be paid and the owner of the contact centre had to pay the venue as it specifically opened for our session.

Feels so awful to say this, but on the inside I just feel like giving up and handing over residence because I'll never be free of him, he'll terrorise us forever. Its the sheer love and protectiveness of being her mother that stops me from giving up as ill be giving up on her and encouraging her to be in the care of an evil and poisonous subhuman cancerous rumour. Can't help but feel ill never be free of him.

*tumour

If he was a proper dad he would walk over hot coals to see his daughter

He's just playing a nasty game , that doesn't just impact on you but also your little girl.

This will catch up with him and kick him up the arse.

Then you apply for every order available to keep him away ( if possible as no experience of this) until he drops dead

Your doing so well. Chin up, your daughter will be so proud of you. You're a fantastic role model to her

He is a total prick

Why would you need to pay for this contact session?

Wish he would just fall down a hole

Awful abusers in this world

My ex equally as bad
I have all this ahead of me

He's probably so happy he's achieved what he wanted and got contact on fathers day