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Original poster

AIBU to ask DH to have a shower before we have sex?

178 replies

J1llae · 31/01/2021 18:13

DH suggested going to bed about an hour ago. I said ok, I’ll have my shower. Do you want yours first, after me or together?
Immediate fed up face ensues. No, I’m not going to bother says he.
Why not? Is it an unreasonable request? We’ve just returned home from a lengthy, brisk, sweaty but enjoyable walk.
Now he’s huffing and on the computer upstairs and ignoring me.
AIBU to think he should shower out of respect for me?

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 01/02/2021 11:54

Do people shower EVERY time before they have sex? Every time? Surely that's not possible?
I think his huffines is an indicator here.

Silenceisgolden20 · 01/02/2021 11:56

What if you have kids or are being spontaneous? How bad can people smell after a few hours post shower?

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 12:22

why is that grim in MN world? Isn't that just normal sex?🤷‍♀️*
Well for me, it is, but in MN land some people need to shower in bleach before having the most sterile imaginable sex!*

Clearly! Sounds like fun! ConfusedGrin

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 12:23

Do people shower EVERY time before they have sex? Every time? Surely that's not possible?

No. They don't.

Oblomov21 · 01/02/2021 12:46

TeeBee:

"so he wouldn't never dream of not showering first; just respectful isn't it?"

How is this respectful? Or rather, not doing it somehow disrespectful? It's so unnecessary. All this Uber hygiene. It's not normal no. Having spontaneous sex, with someone in their natural state. Is what is natural!

skintandannoyed · 01/02/2021 12:49

I'd find it a bit of a passion killer if my DH suggested I had a shower before sex espically if I showered earlier that day. 😂 Very odd unless he smelt like BO?

Oblomov21 · 01/02/2021 12:49

Do you think someone is unclean? A few hours after showering? No. That's natural. Why can't you have sex with a natural person?

If they smell that strong, then it's probably a medical matter that needs addressing. That's a different issue.

I can't accept that people are so ridden with anxiety over whether someone is clean 'enough', to have sex with.

saraclara · 01/02/2021 12:54

@SueEllenMishke

I would never, ever ask DH to shower before sex. I trust him to take care of his own hygiene.

Don't any of you ever have spontaneous sex? Sex first thing in the morning?

Bizarre and far too planned / regimented for my liking.

Absolutely. I don't think my DH and I ever 'planned' sex. It was almost always spontaneous, and stopping to shower would just kill it.

MN is so weird about hygiene.

BubblyBarbara · 01/02/2021 19:56

stopping to shower would just kill it.

Do you really fancy him if stopping your animal urges for five minutes puts you off sex entirely?

CherryValanc · 01/02/2021 20:11

@BubblyBarbara

stopping to shower would just kill it.

Do you really fancy him if stopping your animal urges for five minutes puts you off sex entirely?

And

BubblyBarbara
If taking five minutes to have a shower is a “passion killer” there can’t be much passion or love there in the first place. If the only way someone can have sex is because their animal parts are screaming at them that’s a bit sad."

Why do you think spontaneous sex is "animal"?

Anyway, if it was screaming animal parts or urges than it wouldn't it be more go off to find another mate rather than just lose the desire?

Silenceisgolden20 · 01/02/2021 20:16

If it's summer and you've been sweating or you've had exercise or need to freshness up, yeah I get that.

But every time?? Nah.

Silenceisgolden20 · 01/02/2021 20:18

Though don't they say you are attracted to someone's smell? Not BO or bad smells obvs.
But natural smells
Isn't that the attraction?

DeeCeeCherry · 01/02/2021 20:25

You could've had sex in the shower then.

I don't mind man sweat at all though as long as he's showered that morning so it's not too extreme

Silenceisgolden20 · 01/02/2021 20:28

It's a chemical thing yeah?
Some men you love their natural smell and some men no way

freeandfierce · 01/02/2021 20:29

I love a man to smell like a man, fresh sweat does it for me. Then you get to wash each other in the shower after.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 01/02/2021 20:32

If it was up to me it would be any time of day anywhere in the house.
Apart from after a walk apparently Grin

BaggoMcoys · 01/02/2021 20:40

My ex used to jump up immediately after (very unsatisfactory) sex and go and have a shower. He never showered beforehand, but always straight away after. No cuddles at all. It made me a bit sad.

I'm not too bothered if a partner of mine showers right before sex, as long as they're clean! It would kill the mood for me if we both went off for a shower beforehand I think. Though I would shower in advance if I had something planned.

Btw, I was wondering the other day... On TV and stuff when two people go home to have sex, and the woman disappears off into the bathroom "to freshen up"... Is that code for "I'm going to wash my bits"?

WouldstrokeTomHardy · 01/02/2021 20:50

It's as simple as this. The OP expressed that she regularly gives her dp oral so she was after a fresh cock. No one wants to suck a cock that's not clean and if they do then that's their business. No one is saying a random quick leg trembler isn't great. The impression I get was the OP was hoping for a bit of a session with some cock sucking for starters.

FoxgloveBee · 01/02/2021 20:55

I don't mind if there has been a shower within the last 12-24 hours but nothing oral unless the shower has been very, very recent. Not a fan of dried urine smelling dick.

BubblyBarbara · 02/02/2021 19:59

Why do you think spontaneous sex is "animal"?

Because people are saying if there were a five minute break in proceedings they’d go off it. That’s not healthy and usually a sign that you’d regret doing something.

prawncocktailpringles · 02/02/2021 20:04

@BaggoMcoys

My ex used to jump up immediately after (very unsatisfactory) sex and go and have a shower. He never showered beforehand, but always straight away after. No cuddles at all. It made me a bit sad.

I'm not too bothered if a partner of mine showers right before sex, as long as they're clean! It would kill the mood for me if we both went off for a shower beforehand I think. Though I would shower in advance if I had something planned.

Btw, I was wondering the other day... On TV and stuff when two people go home to have sex, and the woman disappears off into the bathroom "to freshen up"... Is that code for "I'm going to wash my bits"?

🤣🤣🤣
TheBeesKnee · 03/02/2021 22:58

Well, I quite like to lick and suck cock after it’s been inside me and we’ve both cum, so it’s covered in both our juices, but I guess that’d be grim in MN world.

You like to suck a flaccid cock? Confused I find THAT grim tbh.

sammylady37 · 04/02/2021 05:47

@TheBeesKnee

Well, I quite like to lick and suck cock after it’s been inside me and we’ve both cum, so it’s covered in both our juices, but I guess that’d be grim in MN world.

You like to suck a flaccid cock? Confused I find THAT grim tbh.

Oh I knew I’d be judged here for my sexual preferences Hmm But, you do know that not every cock goes flaccid immediately after ejaculation, don’t you?
Roastednotsalt · 04/02/2021 05:55

@sammylady37 The nit picking on MN is unreal. Why is someone else worrying about a flaccid cock or not? Honestly 🤣 FFS

sammylady37 · 04/02/2021 06:45

[quote Roastednotsalt]@sammylady37 The nit picking on MN is unreal. Why is someone else worrying about a flaccid cock or not? Honestly 🤣 FFS[/quote]
Calling something fairly innocuous (I mean, it’s hardly extreme!) that consenting adults do “grim” is just typical mumsnet though. It’s quite pathetic for a woman to judge another woman for doing something in bed that she wouldn’t choose to do.