AIBU to ask DH to have a shower before we have sex?

[J1llae]

DH suggested going to bed about an hour ago. I said ok, I’ll have my shower. Do you want yours first, after me or together?
Immediate fed up face ensues. No, I’m not going to bother says he.
Why not? Is it an unreasonable request? We’ve just returned home from a lengthy, brisk, sweaty but enjoyable walk.
Now he’s huffing and on the computer upstairs and ignoring me.
AIBU to think he should shower out of respect for me?

I have encountered stinky cock before...literally made me want to throw up and was really awkward not giving the oral sex I’d clearly started! So if exercise had been had or in the situation described I would expect a shower!

If no exercise then I would agree with the mood killing!

There’s just something wrong if you’re not showering before sex. Your sense of smell and taste don’t go away and I wouldn’t have wanted to go near DH’s bag of quavers any more than he’d want to go near my grotty gussetry

Yes he bloody well should.
OH always showers before sex because when we first met, we never did and I got recurring UTI's!

@BubblyBarbara

There’s just something wrong if you’re not showering before sex. Your sense of smell and taste don’t go away and I wouldn’t have wanted to go near DH’s bag of quavers any more than he’d want to go near my grotty gussetry

I'd suggest you've got that the wrong way round. It sounds like there's something wrong with you and your husband if you both smell like crisps.

Most people shower each day and are perfectly clean. Maybe you should get the pair of you to a doctor.

Bit of a passion killer - if it matters shower together!

Different strokes for different folks.

Some people don't mind taking a break between initiation of sex and the actual act, for others that would be a passion killer.

I've never forgotten a thread on here were one poster thought it was normal to plan sex days before. (I actually think it might have been a "do you shower before sex?" thread.) Her husband and her would plan on a Sunday, say to have sex on Thursday night (or other day in the future) and then turned up at agreed time and location having prepared themselves. (I'm paraphrasing - but it was all preplanned.)

For a 27,000 step walk I think that’s fair enough.

We have young DC so sex can only happen at bedtime currently.

But we do each have a quick wash before bed if we've not bathed or showered since the morning.

I always make sure I do as DH loves giving oral and I hate the thought of it not being clean when he did.

Same the other way around too! Not putting my mouth near it if it's been 12 hours since it was washed.

Gone are our teenage nights out, home drunk and sweaty and not caring.

I too have been on the wrong end (so
To Speak) of someone who wasn't squeaky clean. I still have reoccurring nightmares about it now 😳

Unless it was a quickie over the kitchen sink then suggesting a quick refreshen up doesn't sound unreasonable.

And it definitely wouldn't be a passion killer to hop into the shower for 5 minutes esp if you were going to be under the covers for hours 😉

Maybe a gentle word in his ear when he's calmed down to ask why it was such a problem ☺️

The comments on this thread are funny. MN is all about women having boundaries until its something people can bitch at you for.

I think being clean is important. Every one is different I personally wouldn't be too bothered about this. But if you are that OK. Also everyone gets different levels of sweaty! So I'm saying it's fine for me as my partner isn't super sweaty.

I think the bigger issue is that he huffs when he doesn't get his own way.

Also humble brag points to the pp who said they have too much sex to shower each time. Congrats on the sex 👏

Oral sex would be off the agenda for me without a shower otherwise not to fussed assuming showered that day/ not really sweaty.

Eww no, nothing unreasonable about that. He's on a promise but won't wash himself! He doesn't deserve it, that's really slobish and disrespectful in my opinion as a bloke. Even if there's a sniff of rumpy pumpy, one always has to make sure the crown jewels are in tip top condition. I wouldn't want to go down on a sweaty minky either! It's pretty basic stuff to be clean beforehand.

@jayho

You need a pre-sex penis beaker.

I still have so many questions about the penis beaker... We just use baby wipes.

Sulking, never ever sexy.

Surely clean before sex is a prerequisite? Musty balls are very unappealing.

@Mylittlepony374

It annoys me when my husband looks for sex AFTER a shower. I'm like, fuck it I'm all clean and now I'm getting sweaty again. I've never ever considered asking him to shower before sex. This thread has been eye opening.

Yep, I'm like this too. Now I'm wondering if I am in fact manky, based on the replies in this thread...

I mean I shower after exercise or doing an activity like gardening (v. sexy I know - gardening. lol). But never before sex if I've showered that morning.

@J1llae

And no we don’t have much spontaneity but that’s down to him. If it was up to me it would be any time of day anywhere in the house. With him it has to be in bed and only after he has finished reading. 😂😢

So, when he actually suggested something spontaneous, your first reaction was to put him off for half an hour whilst his adrenalin/arousal state reduced sufficiently to not make it spontaneous any more?

I have never showered before sex. It must be a new thing, or a MN thing, because I just think it's ridiculous. I shower every day.

(not envy) I had an ex like this when I was younger. Eventually I refused sex and he couldn’t work out why, and I couldn’t be arsed explaining to an adult man that a smelly d*ck wasn’t a turn on.

I think if it’s occasional that he isn’t showering first it’s ok, I don’t want things to be a regimented process - I shower, you shower ok straight into bed before anyone perspires a drop! And that’s the only time you can dtd

But I don’t blame you op

Ok I'm going to focus this discussion.

A bit of sweat from recent exercise - fine.

An unwashed undercarriage - not.

If you shower when you get up and have a bath before bed then that covers most scenarios.

So sex in between shouldn't need a special pre-act disinfection. Because you're always pretty clean.

That is my method, anyhow. Eveready.

@J1llae

*So, when he actually suggested something spontaneous, your first reaction was to put him off for half an hour whilst his adrenalin/arousal state reduced sufficiently to not make it spontaneous any more?
*
Exactly this! Moans about lack of spontaneity. Ruins spontaneous moment.

I wouldn't expect a shower in those circumstances. Being asked to shower pre sex would be a turn off....

I would never, ever ask DH to shower before sex. I trust him to take care of his own hygiene.

Don't any of you ever have spontaneous sex? Sex first thing in the morning?

Bizarre and far too planned / regimented for my liking.

Depends what you plan on doing, if it's oral then absolutely you should both shower, if it's just a quickie then no

Obviously I could be considered over harsh/controlling whatever, but if DP didn't have a shower at night then he doesn't share a bed with me. He also has a shower in the morning. He' always showers, or baths, twice a day - it doesn't take long (unless it's a relaxing bath).