AIBU to ask DH to have a shower before we have sex?

[J1llae]

DH suggested going to bed about an hour ago. I said ok, I’ll have my shower. Do you want yours first, after me or together?
Immediate fed up face ensues. No, I’m not going to bother says he.
Why not? Is it an unreasonable request? We’ve just returned home from a lengthy, brisk, sweaty but enjoyable walk.
Now he’s huffing and on the computer upstairs and ignoring me.
AIBU to think he should shower out of respect for me?

Depends on your delivery I guess. If it was an allusion to foreplay getting started then absolute fine, if it was an instructional request then I think you are being a little bit unreasonable.

I do think it is polite to freshen up before dtd especially if oral is on the menu but a full blown shower...maybe not

Not Manky!

I've never heard of this in my life! Maybe one would shower after some unbelievably sweaty/smelly activity, but after just a walk? Times really are a-changing.

You could have asked him to take shower, if it is so important. The phrasing you describe is like something you use when trying to get a toddler to put their wellies on. Maybe it was a turn off.

This sounds mad and a great way to kill any passion. Also you aren't compromising either!

No, I do not shower specially for sex. I sower once a day, in the morning or after a run. But not after a walk. Madness,

Passion killer! I love fresh sweat on my dp. It smells sext.

I wouldn't expect my husband to shower after a walk, if he'd already showered that morning unless he was literally dripping in sweat and proper stinky. Also I find if you're in the mood, and fancy a bit of a spontaneous shag then being told to shower would be a very quick turn off for me.
Yanbu to say no to sex, but he's also not being unreasonable to not be in the mood now.

If you are married and presumably been together for some time, the shower expectation must come up a lot?

Thanks mumsnets. Differing views here. Considering everything I don’t think I was BU as it was a really sweaty long walk. I also gave him the option of joining me in the shower(wink wink). We usually do indulge in oral sex so sorry I’ve decided I was right all along. Ty for all ur replies.

Good for you, however your husband clearly doesn't believe you're right.
You're obviously very good at compromise as a couple

I have sex too often to have a shower every time. And early morning sex is good, but a shower beforehand would mess with it. I don't think a walk gets you overly sweaty tbh, I would be fine with it. I had sex after a walk yesterday tbh. I never even considered having a shower.

My husband is clean, he showers at least once a day, sometimes baths a second time. But even if he was a bit sweaty, I would never ask him to shower before sex. It seems judgemental to me.

I’d hate it if my man suggested I shower before sex. Fair enough if I’d just been for a run or something but a walk! Can’t think of a bigger passion killer. What happened to being spontaneous?

I tend to imagine - probably unfairly before you all start - that the sort of people who demand a shower before sex tend to have the ultra-polite-under-the-covers-and-don’t-make-a-noise type of sex that really wouldn’t interest me or my partner!

If your husband is getting "really sweaty" after a long walk in winter then he sounds in bad shape tbh. I would look at sorting that out.

Complete passion killer for me. If he’d showered in the morning that would be enough for me. I’d be really offended if dh suggested I had a shower before he had sex with me!

I can’t get in the bed without a shower first. I like feeling clean between the sheets - sex or no sex. I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all especially since he just had a long sweaty walk...who would want to dirty their sheets up like that???

If your husband is getting "really sweaty" after a long walk in winter then he sounds in bad shape tbh

This. We'd both always shower after a run or hard bike ride, but after a walk in freezing temperatures it's not necessary, surely? Unless he is very unfit, which is a different problem altogether.

Depends, if he’s dripping with sweat, then of course he should shower, but otherwise, a definite passion killer. How can you just switch desire on and off like that ? Sounds rather passionless.

Oh how dull. Poor bloke.

Wouldn't occur to me to shower before sex. I shower each morning that is enough generally

MN's obsession with humans smelling and tasting of artificial perfume is really off the scale unhealthy.

If you feel your partner needs to have a shower before you'll have sex, you have the problem, not them.

Yes he should, the filth-dog.

Eh? We've never done this. We both shower in the mornings, wouldn't shower before sex unless caked in mud or been on a 50 mile bike ride or something.

How do you ever have any spontaneity?

I’m laughing (sorry) at some of the responses. I did say originally that it was a brisk, lengthy sweaty walk - 27,000 steps if u must know, uphill and down dale. My DH is in excellent shape and bursting with health. I didn’t insist he had a shower but would any of u want to put ur mouth around ur DP’s member without it being clean? 😂
I was more concerned at his huffiness and the silent treatment he gave me rather than talking about it.

YANBU, I wouldn't have wanted to get down and dirty with an already sweaty man either.

It would not occur to me to ask my husband to wash before we had sex because he is a capable adult who can make his own judgments about hygiene