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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

968 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 11/01/2021 01:58

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

OP posts:
Bellofbelfastcity · 01/02/2021 10:23

Op I don’t think you’re a troll and I’m very very sorry for your situation. I was just wanting clarification of the inconsistency.

I’m sorry he’s done it again. Once a cheat always a cheat.

I think you should access therapy or counselling to understand why you feel such an imperfect relationship with a thread of constant cheating for years is something you can’t see as flawed.

Bellofbelfastcity · 01/02/2021 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

ThelmaNotLouise · 01/02/2021 10:25

@GappyValley

OP, don't feel you have to justify yourself to these idiots. I cannot imagine how lacking their own lives must be to have gone trawling back through your posting history.

I hope you are feeling better today and managed to get some sleep Flowers

This. ^
Lilachyacinth · 01/02/2021 10:27

Hugs from me. I’m so sorry xxxx

Amotherlife · 01/02/2021 10:28

Just to say having three stents put in is not major surgery. My DH had that done several years back and he wasn't in hospital long. Had taken meds daily since and is fine physically (struggled a bit mentally for a while).

samanthawashington · 01/02/2021 10:34

The surgery is fairly minor actually (although there are risks) and he should make a full recovery from the heart attack if he got help quickly. Either way OP he is her problem now, just go on with rebuilding your life. Truly he isn't worth it.

ThelmaNotLouise · 01/02/2021 10:36

@Amotherlife

Just to say having three stents put in is not major surgery. My DH had that done several years back and he wasn't in hospital long. Had taken meds daily since and is fine physically (struggled a bit mentally for a while).
It sounds major! Either way, I'm sure the novelty of nursing him through his recovery will wear off pretty quickly for the OW.
zafferana · 01/02/2021 10:45

Having a heart attack is serious, but having stents fitted is not. My DF has four stents (fitted over three separate occasions), and all were done via keyhole surgery.

But no OP, I doubt this relationship will last. Meeting via a website called Illicit Encounters doesn't exactly bode well, does it? Two cheaters who went looking for something online and found each other, although if he had ED at the time that was so serious he needed a penile implant it makes me wonder what on earth she sees in him - a bloke old enough to be her DF who can't even get it up and who has a DW and 5DC ...the whole thing is a fucking mess.

You ARE being strong OP, even if you don't feel it. The first six weeks of any trauma is the worst - that's when you feel like you're numb, in a daze, unable to function normally - but the fog will lift. Please don't write yourself off though. You're 58? There's no reason why, in the future, when you feel like it, that you shouldn't date or meet someone else. Of course it's the last thing you even want to think of right now, but don't assume you will be alone forever Flowers

Skipsurvey · 01/02/2021 10:52

you will get through this op. Thanks

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 01/02/2021 11:00

At the risk of sounding insensitive, he isn't your problem anymore if it turns out to be the beginning of his end. He seems to have forgotten that he is an elderly man not a hormone-crazed youth.

Brenna24 · 01/02/2021 11:00

Wow. What a shock for you on top of everything else. How are your children coping with it?

Blessex · 01/02/2021 11:01

Hello OP. Just checking in to send my love and hope you are ok. You have the strength to do this x Flowers

hollyandkit · 01/02/2021 11:24

OP please don't be put off posting if this is one of the only places you feel you're getting support. Thanks

WouldBeGood · 01/02/2021 11:33

@MoreLegsThanMe I told you before that I met DP after something similar. I was 47 and he was 55. So not too old at all.

Cokie3 · 01/02/2021 11:43

It makes me wonder why women can be so spiteful and so cynical and thinking the worst of people that they actually go to Advance Search everyone and anyone. I mean, why? I can't imagine men doing that, they take each other at face value. Why are some women so vindictive and distrusting of each other they'd even bother to AS unless the OP is so bizarre and outrageous and this one isn't? I think it says more about those that actively look for a 'gotcha', who does that? That they are so distrusting of a fellow woman that they feel the need to think badly. Women truly are our own worst enemy, some women on this board have sad lives or no lives at all. Take a good, hard and long look at yourselves.

I swear, there is not one singe thread on here where someone looking to be a hero for attention (while only showing how bitter and sad they are) doesn't pop up claiming they've AS'ed an OP and one tiny detail from a decade ago doesn't match up, seeking to gain attention by destroying an OP looking for dirt. For goodness sake, this site is supposed to be supportive, not a place for bitter amateur detectives looking to tear another woman down! Get a life, you people doing this.

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/02/2021 11:46

I don't think it's @MoreLegsThanMe who is the troll around here. I've reported all the troll-hunting to MNHQ and it looks like they are taking action.

KeziaOAP · 01/02/2021 11:47

@hollyandkit

OP please don't be put off posting if this is one of the only places you feel you're getting support. Thanks
^ Yes I agree please reach out for continued support, you've been through such a rollercoaster of emotions Flowers
MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 01/02/2021 11:51

Morning all,

We're getting a lot of reports about troll hunting on this thread and have gone in and zapped a number of posts. It looks like we have one or two previously banned posters here, intent on stirring things up, so we'll be dealing with them behind the scenes.

Just for the record, the OP's been on the site for many, many years and has never given us any cause for concern in the past.

If anyone has any doubts about a thread, please just report them to us so we can check things out behind the scenes. We don't allow troll hunting! (And especially not from PBPs...)

Whathehello · 01/02/2021 11:53

The troll hunting (because that's exactly what it is) is disgusting.

So this isn't the first time he has cheated, are you surprised? The man is a selfish, awful git.

2013 was a long time ago and I can completely understand why the OP is in shock about him doing it again now, if he'd convinced her he has changed and everything was going well again until he started up with this witch.

I discovered my ex had cheated on me with at least two separate women, with two years between them. I was more shocked by the second affair than I was the first ONS because I was so sure he had learned from the first time and was remorseful.

OP I hope you are ok. Please don't be deterred from posting because of those posters. You need support and the rest of us want to be here, holding your hand.

Cokie3 · 01/02/2021 11:54

This grandiose attention-seeking (troll hunting) is the real true trolling. They are the trolls.

Whathehello · 01/02/2021 11:54

To expand on my above comment

So this isn't the first time he has cheated, are you surprised? The man is a selfish, awful git

^ that was directed at the posters giving the OP a hard time. Not the OP herself.

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/02/2021 11:57

@Cokie3

This grandiose attention-seeking (troll hunting) is the real true trolling. They are the trolls.
Indeed. Looks like MNHQ agree with you too.
hollyandkit · 01/02/2021 12:02

OP has said she doesn't have much real life support so it's pretty shitty to try and take away the bit she does have on here.

Canttakemuchmore22 · 01/02/2021 12:10

Hi I just read your thread and am so so sorry for you and that your going through all of this.
How awful and I can totally understand how your feeling and that no matter what you do you cannot shake that horrible feeling off!
I know you will get through this OP but it's going to take some time to heal from the mental wounds he's inflicted on you.
Glad your finding some comfort from being on here and not trying to deal with this alone with your thoughts

Neenan · 01/02/2021 12:12

@Amotherlife

Just to say having three stents put in is not major surgery. My DH had that done several years back and he wasn't in hospital long. Had taken meds daily since and is fine physically (struggled a bit mentally for a while).
Agree, my DM has two, done on different days but day surgrey, local anaesthetic and home the same day.

She has also had a transcatheter aortic valve implantation at a major cardiology unit, in one day, out the next.

She's 84 too.