Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

I’ve reported to @mnhq because it doesn’t make sense.

I am NOT saying the op is a troll, but there is definitely something odd going on. As I said, if he left and came back 13 years ago, it’s hardly shock out of the blue loving husband as she’s posted here.

Please don’t blame yourself at all. I had a similar thing happen to me but I worked through all my insecurities and carried on. Please be strong and focus on your family. Don’t let him back again. 💐💐

@Bellofbelfastcity

I’ve reported to *@mnhq* because it doesn’t make sense.

I am NOT saying the op is a troll, but there is definitely something odd going on. As I said, if he left and came back 13 years ago, it’s hardly shock out of the blue loving husband as she’s posted here.

WTF reporting the thread?

OP is probably in the very well-recognised early 'denial' stage, where she will be thinking 'I can't believe this is happening to me, I thought we were good, I thought all was fine'

Aren't you brilliant for coming along with your rational, not-in-pain, distanced from the situation judgement and seeing that this wasn't a perfect relationship and she doesn't need to mourn it

Honestly what were you hoping from this? That OP would go 'oh well now you come to mention it, I should be glad he has gone, thanks for pointing it out'

Why go searching for her posts and then gloat about reporting the thread? It is just cruel to someone that is so clearly in obvious pain. Have a think, eh?

Stay strong x

@GappyValley he left in 2008.

And presumably came back.

And? Why would that mean she's not devastated that this has happened now?

Karma.

Start divorce proceedings. Make it clear that you're not being saddled with him.

My exH behaved very similarly to yours, a little younger but the age gap with OW was similar. Left, came back, left again. Realised that this was only one of very many affairs and that my entire marriage had been a pack of lies. Lots of drama. Left parenting the DCs to me. I have been dreaming of the day karma reaches out to him; I know I will enjoy it when it does.

Yes, and then obviously came back.

And then left again 6 months again for a trial separation, and then briefly came back.

What exactly are you trying to prove here? OP has spelt out the timeline a few times.

This amateur detectives might make you feel incredibly clever, but it is almost certainly making OP feel shit, especially seeing you reported the post ffs

Bellofbelfastcity if you think this then you should have just reported, quietly.
Now is not the time to be calling the OP out and questioning how distraught she may or may not be.

Seriously, @Bellofbelfastcity, stop now
You're making an absolute fool of yourself and making yourself look totally cruel and heartless

This is a woman in pain. She is getting great advice to cope day at a time, and situation at a time.

Your high and mighty attitude to kick her for being a fool might make you feel superior, but is just plain nasty

If you had a shred of decency, you would get your posts deleted before OP comes back and sees them

She is already in absolute turmoil thinking she has let down her DCs, and here you come with a trail of messages screaming 'yes you have, you are an idiot who should have known a decade ago what was going on, and also while you're at it, whey are you wasting our time asking for help when you should be able to cast your mind back to what your coping strategy was in 2008'

What a nasty, nasty way to contribute to a thread

Yes. He did leave years ago and then came back after swearing to me that he would never do such a thing again. I believed him then. I really did think we had got past it and I had no reason to suspect anything else had ever gone on since. I was devastated by that affair as I am by this.

I am not saying things for effect or sympathy I’ve been posting because, as I’m sure I will have said in the older thread, I have nobody in real life.

Maybe I did not want to admit to myself he’d done it again.

But I am not making this up and I’m not a troll.
I don’t know what to say other than that.

Thank you to everyone who’s been so very kind though.

@Seth41

You're no better!

It isn't a 'serious inconsistency'
It is a completely normal and well-understood part of the grieving process. Denial, and shock.

If you aren't able to grasp even that most basic concept, I'm not really sure why you thought you would be able to make any sort of contribution to this thread.

Also, please can you explain why you went snooping off in OPs posting history, and then posted them on here, given that's widely regarded on here as being very bad etiquette, let alone particularly unkind in this situation?

Has it not even occurred to you that OP had been given a thousand promises by her husband that he would make things better if he got another chance, and therefore the pain of him doing it again is 10 times worse to deal with, not easier?

Again, what are you hoping to achieve from this? High praise for your amazing troll hunting detective skills? Or recognition that you're actually not being a very nice person?

I suggest you all stop making the thread about yourselves now! The OP has explained. She's had enough trauma without this crap.

OP...ignore them. Are you ok? Well of course you're not! Have you told the children yet?

OP, don't feel you have to justify yourself to these idiots.
I cannot imagine how lacking their own lives must be to have gone trawling back through your posting history.

I hope you are feeling better today and managed to get some sleep

For you OP

I haven't RTFT, only your comments, OP, and given your latest update I wouldn't be at all surprised if OW very quickly decides she doesn't want to care for someone recovering from major heart surgery. The gloss of their affair is going to wear off quicker than you can say 'time for your bed bath, Mr'...