Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

He has treated you terribly OP. You are doing really well. Stay strong and keep talking.

He will be OK . So , not your problem. Any further contact from her , I would just say I will tell anyone who wants to know , bye.
This changes nothing . Except for her.How they going to afford the love nest if he is not earning? Ha ha .Karma is a bitch.

What is the situation re his will OP?

Bloodyhell OP, a big hug from me.
As hard as it is, he’s her problem now. He has to take full responsibility for everything as does she.
Whatever you do please don’t have him back.
I know of someone who’s husband did exactly what yours has done. Girlfriend wanted children, three sons later she wants another because she ‘must’ have a girl (adult children are all boys so fat chance). He’s had to abandon all thoughts of retirement because she doesn’t work and his pension won’t stretch to 4 children, a mortgage and keeping a roof over their heads. He’s now 69, exhausted and stuck. Shame that!

💐x

So sorry OP.
But you haven't let your children down. It's NOT your fault.
I suggest you all talk to each other and share feelings and also offer support. Don't keep things bottled up. Your older daughters should be capable of dealing with this and teenagers can be remarkably resilient. They also have their own experiences of life and can offer a different perspective.

Please don't let her make this your problem. I know it's hard to cut off all your feelings and part of you probably wants to take care of him, but please don't do it. He has been so cruel to you - let him feel the full force of the consequences of his behaviour. Don't let your natural empathy and kindness take over because he really doesn't deserve you.
Make sure the locks are changed so he can't come back and if this was me, I'd be getting all the legal stuff started while he was on hospital. It sounds cold but you must look after yourself first now x

So sorry you're going through all of this OP.
Please remember you're only job here is to support DC with the news of the heart attack. You don't need to do anything to support him at all!! If he tries to use it as a way to guilt trip you all into "building bridges " you can absolutely reject that with zero guilt.

I should imagine he's not been taking his meds properly so that he doesn't have ED.

You are not defined by this man. Your life is not over. Yes, it will be different youto what envisioned but you will be ok eventually. You will be.

So sorry OP. I’m sure his heart attack is connected to his recent behaviour.
Stay strong. I’m sure he will pick up now he’s had the stents inserted. But be ready for him to make contact now.

@Seth41 jeezo.....don't hold back?!

About the will? It’s important! She may have encouraged him to make changes

You must be full of very mixed emotions at the moment OP. just remember that you are the most important person in all of this, just look after you first.
Have you told the DC's about whats happened?

Don't feel bad if you want to go and see him though. You may want to or you may not want to. Either feeling is 100% ok. You have spent a long time together so don't be put off doing whatever you want because of the advice you're getting on here.

What did Seth say that was wrong??

@Nicolastuffedone

What did Seth say that was wrong??

I’d like to know too

Hope you're ok OP? My apologies for not gushing with sympathy over your ExH condition. Try to focus on yourself if you can.

Don't beat yourself up over this, he hasn't even told the hospital that you are his next of kin, even when going in for stents, which although unlikely could have killed or left him with serious health issues.
He will be released after 24hrs, absolutely no need to rush to his bedside. & I seriously hope you weren't considering it

BTW All the numerous people I know who have had stents have not needing caring for. They more or less walk out as well as before.
However mentally they do get a sharp shock & are obliged to face mortality. Lets hope he's bricking it.

Seth is implying this is a troll thread

Oh what a shock for you. How are the children taking it? You just support them and help them if they want to see him. Do not do not do not take him back now to care for him or if he says it has made him think, you mustn't , read back over this thread how much he has hurt you.
You are going to be there for your kids,sort out a separation and after this pandemic gets under control you are going to have a nice life without lies and worry about trust.
Take care

@Bellofbelfastcity

We are on the same page

Other posters will jump on is though

@Seth41 he has just had a heart attack. One thing at a time.