Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

Great news!

Have a lie-in tmrrw (today?!). Make yourself scrambled eggs on toast. Good hot coffee. Leisurely look through any emails/MN messages. Cocktail at lunchtime. He's the 37 year old's problem. Not yours. For now. Bet she's shitting it.

@MoreLegsThanMe

It doesn’t even seem real it sounds like some badly-written telly programme.

Could it be the stress of what he’s done?

Oh totally. The body keeps the score so they say. Not looking so great for OW now is it? Infirm old man with dodgy ticker. She could be caring for 4 kids and an old man. They’d be afraid to inflate the puff up penis at this rate.

stay strong OP 💐. Don’t be railroaded into taking him back if he needs a carer. This is a mess of his making.

He said he needed a go at loving her..... well now, you need a go at not giving a fuck about him. He'll recover. She won't. Don't you dare end up being his carer if he comes out doddery. Sod that. Go to the Uffizi in Florence after lockdown. Eat ice-cream. Keep a diary. Reclaim yourself. x

I’ve just found your thread. Stay strong. Remember how he treated you and your children before the heart attack. He didn’t need you before the heart attack. He didn’t even bother to tell the hospital you and your DC’s exist. He made poor choices. Poor choices equal consequences.

💐

@MoreLegsThanMe take care of yourself Do your grownup children know?

Just found your thread. So sorry all this has happened to you and your poor family OP.

I think he has made his bed so let his lie in it! He will now see the consequences of what he’s done when none of his family are their.
Have you told your children?

Also, did the hospital tell you this update in the end or is it all coming from her? I don’t know if I would believe everything she’s saying. Can you just say for him to put you as next of kin in the hospital records so you can call them and you don’t want to hear from her? I absolutely hate women like her! I could never do that to another woman or a family. She’s disgusting and so is he so let them rot together.

Whatever happens, do not take him back! I doubt she’ll want him for much longer.

Of course, the children may want to see him maybe. Doubtful but maybe. Not sure what will be happening with visitors at the hospital right now with coronavirus and all. I would definitely just try and arrange to have updates from them though and not her.

Stay strong OP! Karma is a bitch and he’s getting his.

This is just shit on top of shit op! I can't believe it!

Well actually I can! Erectile dysfunction is a sign of heart disease...it's possible his heart has been wrong for years now.

I wonder if she'll be sitting by his bedside or will she hightail it out of there now?

He's no use to her now is he? I don't mean to sound crass OP....you're probably feeling all sorts of awful things right now...but remember, he buggered off on you...don't take him back.

Oh God I can't imagine how you must be feeling or how you will deal with this its so unfair on you. Thinking of you

Bloody hell op, you must be reeling.

I wouldnt go and see him, he doesn't deserve any of your kindness.

Youve got yourself and your kids to look after

I’ve just found your thread and read all of your posts.

I want to wish you well and urge you, under no fucking circumstances, to become this man’s career.

He made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

Also, you have repeatedly mentioned how there was no sex, intimacy, touching or affection in your marriage for a long time before he left. Focus on that. The happy marriage that you once had is the one you are mourning now. But really, those happy memories were over long ago, they are not recent.

I think you are still in shock from all of this, unsurprisingly, but you well get through all of it. Promise.

He is very selfish

What a roller coaster. You are well shot of him. Now let his fancy woman become his carer. Nothing to do with it.

Just ran across this thread, and OH MY DEAR LADY, I am so very sorry. What he sees in her is a lack of responsibility. She "makes him laugh" because she doesn't ask anything of him. And that, should he regain his health, will change. DO NOT LET HER DUMP HIM BACK ON YOU, ill and unable to care for himself. They both made that bed. He cannot crawl back into yours just because it's more comfy...when he is sick.

I hope he keeps in mind that what she has done with him, sooner or later she will do to him. And he will think about how you felt and cringe. He'll probably call you, and you can have the great comfort of saying, "You'll get through this all by yourself. I did."

Do not have him back, he’s treated you appallingly and the trust will be gone. Sending hugs to you and your dcs they will need a lot of support today to process this.

OP I’ve been lurking on you thread for awhile, a very similar thing happened to me 5 years ago, without the heart attack bit.
I am now so very much happier. You will get through this. I’m happy to chat if you want to pm me.

Your husband threw away a diamond to pick up a rock.

There is nothing you can do anyway, so don’t waste head space. He chose not to tell the hospital you are next of kin. They won’t be allowing visitors. I suspect she will drop him sharpish rather than become his carer and he will feel very sorry for himself and expect you to take him back. Please don’t. You don’t have to be vindictive, but actions have consequences and he isn’t going to like the consequences of his.
Take care of yourself, do lovely things for you, make your favourite food, have a walk, hug your kids. Slowly slowly this will get better. You can do it.

Big PHEW on the timing! Less than a month earlier and you’d have jumped to care for the lying cheating sod. Now, you can wash your hands. I’m 37, I can barely keep my head above water with work and 2dc, throw in caring for a 60 yo recovering from major surgery and I’d be tipped over the edge.

I hope you and the dc are ok. Worth warning you the dc might mellow towards him though when sharply reminded he won’t be around forever though.

@MoreLegsThanMe I’m sure you’re feeling torn as you’ve known him so long.

I’m sure he’ll be fine, sounds like he’s got quick and effective treatment.

You make sure to look after yourself. Have something to eat and try to get a bit of rest. Another big shock is bound to take of out of you, but you can do it.

How are your children feeling?

He might be ill, but he’s still the same person who walked out and hurt you all, so this changes nothing. But it must’ve been a terrible shock, nonetheless.

She'll get a taste of what it's really like to be involved with an older guy then, won't she OP. Having to care for him and put her sex life on hold while he recovers. That might have been a factor. Let's see how he handles this scare in relation to his DCs then.

@MoreLegsThanMe

I have a dear friend who has split up with her husband, and her ‘D’H has been to hospital 5 times in the last year. She did once go in, but regretted it almost immediately.

Stay strong, and see how the next few days pan out.

I have to say I’m chortling at the suggestions of scrambled eggs, coffee, long baths and cocktails. (Maybe not all at once 🤔)

Bloody hell OP, what a circus! Hope you can stay strong through all this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. But I think you have to reassure all your children that their dad loves them and they will continue to see him no matter what happens. Things will calm down, you will move on and be happy.

But your children will be scared and unsure now and need to know that it okay to feel that way, that he is still their dad even if he has hurt you. Tell him their need love and reassurance from him. Try to focus on them and that will give you motivation and strength.

Take care of yourself. She's his problem now.

I hope you and and the children are okay and putting yourselves first .