Married to someone with Aspergers: support thread 5

[Bluebellforest1]

New thread

[Bluebellforest1]

Sorry, don’t know how to link to previous threads but didn’t want to lose the thread. Hopefully someone who knows what they’re doing can help.....

[DawnMumsnet]

Link to previous threads here:

Previous threads:
1st thread: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3281058-Is-anyone-married-to-someone-with-Aspergers
2nd thread: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3325419-married-to-someone-with-asperger-s-support-group-here
3rd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3463341-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-Support-group-here-Thread-3
4th thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3524836-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-support-thread-4-replacement-one#102640582

Just noting, this thread is part of a long-running discussion on Mumsnet. It was originally set up with the following request:

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner. (ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong).

As always, if you're concerned about any post on here, please report it to MNHQ and we'll take a look.

[Skye99]

@Bluebellforest1 Hi. The link to new thread you posted on Support Thread 4 doesn’t link to here, but back to Support Thread 4. (I found this one by searching.)

[Bluebellforest1]

Sorry @Skye99, I was trying to do it quickly before the thread filled up, I’ll as MNHQ if they’ll change it.....

[Skye99]

@Bluebellforest1 :) Glad we have another thread.

[Bluebellforest1]

I’ve found these threads so supportive, I didn’t want to lose them. MNHQ have edited the link now.

[grinchismyhero]

I think I need to sit in here and read past posts and get some clarity.. pretty sure my H undiagnosed is and aspi. I've two boys diagnosed and it's became apparent his previous child was also diagnosed (o wasn't told).! H works and works obsessively but to me achieves very little! Weekends are more work doing the 'accounts' .. you know the pattern. 🤦‍♀️

[SeaEagleFeather]

my oldest was diagnosed three weeks ago and it's crystal clear the youngest is similar. Ex won't acknowledge it ..

[Catmaiden]

@SeaEagleFeather, my sympathies.

Exactly the same situation, here. Both our DC diagnosed, other of his family members, also.

But "D" H refuses to recognise it in himself 🙄

[Daftasabroom]

@Catmaiden DW refuses to see it either. It's tragic to someone so self absorbed but with so little self awareness.

[gummybearwotsit]

I've posted on the previous thread but sat and read through things now (in silent tears).

I can't organise my thoughts but

[Daftasabroom]

I read your post @gummybearwotsit I think the loneliness and exhaustion is such a frequent thing on these threads.

[cloverleafy]

Hi. I keep meaning to join in here and somehow a new short thread is less daunting.

[Skye99]

Hi @cloverleafy What’s going on with you?

[cloverleafy]

Ups and downs. H acknowledges his ASD (& dyspraxia & maybe ADHD) and is waiting for an NHS assessment. We have 3 kids - 2 diagnosed, 1 maybe & on the waiting list. It's just hard sometimes.

[Choconuttolata]

Hello everyone, hope you all managed a reasonable Christmas. We have been having a Covid Christmas and DH is quite unwell so I am run ragged. 10 days isolating with an ASD child is a challenge.

[Skye99]

@cloverleafy It is! My H is diagnosed, and 1 DS.

[Skye99]

Hi Choconuttolata That does sound hard. Christmas Day was good in our house but the days around it not so good. I need to act less irritable.

[WildWaterSwimmer]

It's good to come across this thread.

My DS16 is diagnosed and the past 4 years have been an extremely traumatic rollercoaster of emotions and events trying to support him.

DH is starting to accept the fact that he too is on the spectrum. On the whole he's been a fantastic partner in helping our family get through the dark times over the past few years with DS.

It helps that I'm quite laidback and on the whole let their quirks rollover my head!

[NeurotypicalPrivilege]

@WildWaterSwimmer

So nice to hear about a positive ND/NT relationship!

[SeaEagleFeather]

catmaiden how are you doing now? I keep thinking about you.

Love your name wildwaterswimmer ... are you a winterswimmer too? :) my 12 year old is bloody hard work. The addiction to screens and tantrums if he doesn't get them (Im strict) and the awful, awful manipulation and lying and selfishness. I'm fed up of him and his behaviour. (i know you're not allowed to say that, but goddamn it, I have to protect his little brother from him all the bloody time, sometimes they can't be in the same room)

[Catmaiden]

Not good. Had Festive season in annexe, was lovely , DD with me, but then she went to main house with H for
NYE and came back very aggressively anti my position
I'm now hiding in my bedroom, most of the day, to avoid her comments/abuse.

She seems to be have been "turned" by him, tbh, its quite scary.

[Catmaiden]

Thank goodness solicitor is available on Monday

[TonMoulin]

I was on those threads when they started and have somehow lost them.

I’ve been reading the last posts from the last thread and can relate so much to them....