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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this a penis beaker??????

313 replies

Thereturnofthepenisbeaker · 27/08/2020 23:10

This is in DP’s bedside drawer! We live in our own separate houses, but I stay over there twice a week. Went to get my hairdryer out his drawer and opened the wrong one by mistake, and there it was. The rest of his drawers (like his house) are neat and tidy with no crap in them, so cannot see why on earth it’s in there. and no, I haven’t asked him. Yet.
It’s a water bottle cut in half with silicone round the top. I’ve popped a vape pen in to give you an idea of size. It also some very very short hairs on the silicone.
He has ED issues and told me spends most nights when I’m not there choking the chicken. Is this some sort of cock ring? Or penis beaker?

Is this a penis beaker??????
OP posts:
Itsjustabitofbanter · 27/08/2020 23:51

Omg 😆

DishingOutDone · 27/08/2020 23:52

I like the way your first thought was to shove a vape pen in it ....!

TwentyViginti · 27/08/2020 23:52

Hands up, who else has just Googled this??

Me.

TwentyViginti · 27/08/2020 23:53

@DishingOutDone

I like the way your first thought was to shove a vape pen in it ....!
Maybe a cleansing ritual, like waving incense about?
Habbyhadno · 27/08/2020 23:53

Does it smell??? ConfusedConfusedGrinGrin

Armychefbethebest · 27/08/2020 23:53

Oh wow still howling at blue Peter vag , erm yeah definatly a homemade vag op how do you start that conversation 🤣🤣🤣

SistemaAddict · 27/08/2020 23:54

This has cheered me right up and made me feel rather sick 🤢 but laughing at blue peter vag 😂

LEELULUMPKIN · 27/08/2020 23:55

Just imagining Valerie Singleton knocking one of these up.................

Murinae · 27/08/2020 23:58

Well she did knock off Peter Purves

MadameMeursault · 27/08/2020 23:59

@LEELULUMPKIN

Just imagining Valerie Singleton knocking one of these up.................
Empty loo roll, sticky back plastic, double sided sellotape
firecracker69 · 28/08/2020 00:01

Oh fucking deary me. He's gonna need a large dollop of Calpol after using that jaggedly arsed creation!

Ihadvodkaforbreakfast · 28/08/2020 00:03

😂😂😂😂

LittleDoritt · 28/08/2020 00:06

Blue Peter vag 😂😂

CorrectileDysfunction · 28/08/2020 00:07

Blue Peter vag omg 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Feminist10101 · 28/08/2020 00:07

@Lindtballsrock

What are ED issues?
Erectile dysfunction
newmum2999 · 28/08/2020 00:08

Wtf is a penis beaker ?????

newmum2999 · 28/08/2020 00:09

Also, wtf is death grip or ED?????

TrippinFlippin · 28/08/2020 00:10

👁👄👁

Devlesko · 28/08/2020 00:12

Blue Peter Vag

Never laughed so much.

titnomatani · 28/08/2020 00:15

What's choking the chicken?

AngelzEye · 28/08/2020 00:15

I don't think he'll be very happy if he ever finds out about this.
So hopefully, the 'return of the penis beaker' never goes viral like the original...

Ihadvodkaforbreakfast · 28/08/2020 00:15

Ok, I own this. I name-changed for anonymity and discretion but can't really see the point as none of you know me IRL, and more to the point I can't bloody work out how to get back into my name change 🤦‍♀️
Thank you all for comments, I'm crying here 😂
Yes, when it's up it's an average 6.5 inches. Yes, I have sanitised my vape pen.

@achillesratty do you know who he is IRL? Coz I haven't put his smug mug up so do you recognise his bedding??? He has been telling me for 2 years he can't get it up, so he makes himself a plastic myfanwy instead. He's damn lucky I haven't sent that to his mates, as he boasts about his amazing sexual prowess.
And yes. I was looking for my hairdryer and opened the wrong fucking drawer. Makes me wonder what I'd find if I opened the rest of his drawers though 🤮😳

pguppgdown · 28/08/2020 00:17

I suppose you have to give him a gold star for his craft skills. I'd also say... fleshlight. Is the 'inner portion' constructed from silicone sealant? Bouncy...

Sakurami · 28/08/2020 00:18

Can he get it up for you or just for his plastic love??

TwentyViginti · 28/08/2020 00:20

Bouncy... Grin

I now have pictures in my head. Thanks.