Is this a penis beaker??????

[Thereturnofthepenisbeaker]

This is in DP’s bedside drawer! We live in our own separate houses, but I stay over there twice a week. Went to get my hairdryer out his drawer and opened the wrong one by mistake, and there it was. The rest of his drawers (like his house) are neat and tidy with no crap in them, so cannot see why on earth it’s in there. and no, I haven’t asked him. Yet.
It’s a water bottle cut in half with silicone round the top. I’ve popped a vape pen in to give you an idea of size. It also some very very short hairs on the silicone.
He has ED issues and told me spends most nights when I’m not there choking the chicken. Is this some sort of cock ring? Or penis beaker?

[Bubblebu]

take out the vape pen and throw it in the skip (I would be using rubber gloves but that is up to you - you know him.....)

then I would buy a turkery baster - something like this from amazon-www.<a class="break-all" href="//amazon.co.uk/KITCHEN-WORLD-Silicone-Barbecue-Marinating/dp/B015COKN5A/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?dchild=1&psc=1&keywords=turkey%20baster&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFENjhWSVlJQTFPOVYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAyODkxOTExN0NXS1VCN0lDTjg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAzMzE2NDcyWEdCNURHRE9WWE5NJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ%3D%3D&qid=1598575350&sr=8-3-spons&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">https://amazon.co.uk/KITCHEN-WORLD-Silicone-Barbecue-Marinating/dp/B015COKN5A/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=turkey%20baster&qid=1598575350&sr=8-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFENjhWSVlJQTFPOVYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAyODkxOTExN0NXS1VCN0lDTjg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAzMzE2NDcyWEdCNURHRE9WWE5NJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ%3D%3D&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

pop that in instead and casually leave it with the turkey baster in the kitchen. Ideally only do it if you can chance up it again with some, er, evidence at the bottom).

Poker face when he goes as white as a sheet.
(Then run for the hills...)

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@WineGetsMeThroughIt

And I really don't think he'll mind, he's been posting up naked dick picks on dating sites

*@Ihadvodkaforbreakfast* how do you know this? Does he know you know this? Is this while you've been together? I'm a bit confused now whether you're hurt by finding this or wanting to tell him to fuck off and are leaving him

I've seen them with my own eyes, but I won't be posting those 🤮
Yes, I was hurt before, I genuinely wasn't sure what his homemade contraption was for and I wanted some anonymous opinions rather than ask RL friends who know him.
And yes he can fuck off with his rubber myfanwy once he's adjusted it to the correct size

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@Bubblebu

take out the vape pen and throw it in the skip (I would be using rubber gloves but that is up to you - you know him.....)

then I would buy a turkery baster - something like this from amazon-www. class="break-all" href="//amazon.co.uk/KITCHEN-WORLD-Silicone-Barbecue-Marinating/dp/B015COKN5A/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?dchild=1&psc=1&keywords=turkey%20baster&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFENjhWSVlJQTFPOVYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAyODkxOTExN0NXS1VCN0lDTjg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAzMzE2NDcyWEdCNURHRE9WWE5NJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ%3D%3D&qid=1598575350&sr=8-3-spons&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">https://amazon.co.uk/KITCHEN-WORLD-Silicone-Barbecue-Marinating/dp/B015COKN5A/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=turkey%20baster&qid=1598575350&sr=8-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFENjhWSVlJQTFPOVYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAyODkxOTExN0NXS1VCN0lDTjg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAzMzE2NDcyWEdCNURHRE9WWE5NJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ%3D%3D&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

pop that in instead and casually leave it with the turkey baster in the kitchen. Ideally only do it if you can chance up it again with some, er, evidence at the bottom).

Poker face when he goes as white as a sheet.
(Then run for the hills...)

Laughing 😂 sadly he would bluff that out with an even better poker face, but I could certainly think of a use for the turkey baster

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@PointlessUsername

Will you let him know that you have found it though 😂

Oh yes, though I think he might guess when he gets chilli powder in his eye

[Californiastreaming]

@Itsjustabitofbanter

SMELL IT!!!

Oh no no no no no
That is grim

[Californiastreaming]

I think you should be kind @Thereturnofthepenisbeaker and make him a nice smaller shiny one to try instead !😂😂😂

[managedmis]

Imagine him shagging it and moaning your name.


^^

Or moaning 'Bic'

[managedmis]

'Evian', even



Thought it was a multipack pen holder, not a water bottle

[managedmis]

There's ways to save money but that ain't one of them

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@achillesratty

I am the odd one out here. I don't find anything amusing about going into your partner's house, going through their draws, photographing their personal possessions and then posting it on a public forum to ridiucule them.

I can only imagine the response if a man came into his partner's home took a picture of a dildo he found in her drawer and then posted it to petrolheads/pistonheads/dickheads. There would be uproar and rightly so.

This may be an anonymous forum but this is a gross invasion of his privacy. I hope he LTB.

Ps after two years of enforced celibacy because he'd rather pump a plastic vagina I NEED a dildo so he should damn we'll be ashamed that his DP is reduced to salivating over cucumbers at Sainsbury's. I am NOT mocking his selective impotence, I am pissed off that he pleads impotence whilst slapping it about in an oversized fake vagina

[BluePeterVag]

😂😂😂

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@Californiastreaming

I think you should be kind *@Thereturnofthepenisbeaker* and make him a nice smaller shiny one to try instead !😂😂😂

😂😂 goes off to look for a thimble.....

[Bubblebu]

"I think you should be kind @Thereturnofthepenisbeaker and make him a nice smaller shiny one to try instead !😂😂😂"

This!

(you could even try to line it with small fragments of an old cheese grater - but then as a previous poster says above, gift him a bottle of lube which you mysteriously leave next to it and never return again... )

if you pull this off, heck! i will buy you a blue peter badge myself!

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@Butterer

Hmm. I'm retracting the chilli powder idea - risk if it not sticking to the container, also a bit too much risk of it being visible.

Got any hypothetical Deep Heat?

Brilliant! That would help the chilli powder to stick to the silicone rim! Now where did I put that deep heat...?

[Ihadvodkaforbreakfast]

@Bubblebu

"I think you should be kind *@Thereturnofthepenisbeaker* and make him a nice smaller shiny one to try instead !😂😂😂"

This!

(you could even try to line it with small fragments of an old cheese grater - but then as a previous poster says above, gift him a bottle of lube which you mysteriously leave next to it and never return again... )

if you pull this off, heck! i will buy you a blue peter badge myself!

🤣 hmmm cheese grater fragments mixed up with chilli powder and deep heat...what could possibly go wrong 🤣🤣🤣

[Bubblebu]

cheese mixed with chilli and deep heat............

a weird kinda authentic smell of those recipients he has been sending dic picks to as well!

genius.

[SeasideMaiden]

I thought I'd seen it all.

I was wrong.

[MustShowDH]

Hilarious thread. OP, you must let your new lover read it when you dump this guy.

I learnt a long time ago not to Google things from on here!

[TitsOutForHarambe]

Penis beaker is the wrong term - it's a makeshift flesh light, or whatever else you want to call a fake vag.

Why is everyone being so weird about it? Is It disgusting and pervy if a woman has a vibrator?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

@Lindtballsrock

What are ED issues?

Erectile Dysfunction.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

I dont even know what a flesh light is (although I now have a pretty good idea based on the responses here) let alone a sailor's worm.jar. I feel very vanilla

[Soubriquet]

I was doing alright till I had to stupidly google sailors worm pot.

Even then I was ok until I read “your protein load will keep the worms fed”

[StoppinBy]

Haha, wonder how many home made sex devices are out there.

[CatSmith]

@TitsOutForHarambe I don’t think it’s the same thing! Op is pissed because her ‘D’P can’t get it up for her and she’s been very tolerant, but he’s happily shagging his home made vaj.