My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

what.

a.

total.

cunt.

LTB (and show him this)

He's vile, I can't believe your husband has said something so disgusting, especially when you've just had a baby recently.

It's not one comment. It's him demonstrating his contempt for you. You've just given birth to his child - he should have you on a pedestal.

He's a gunt! and I will bet my life that this is not the only time he's said cruel things about you or others and made you feel insecure. Hopefully this time next year you will be free of him.

You'll eventually get back in shape, OP, but your husband will always always be a cunt who picked on a woman for having the audacity to look like she'd given birth to his own children.

Fuck him. Tell him to get the hell out. You deserve better. Not utter contempt for being an exhausted mum to a newborn and a toddler.

He said it to hurt you in the way that would get to you the most. Don't let him do that again. You are worth more than that.

Pretty much this.

You said you say horrible things to him too. Why? It sounds like such a toxic environment.

I'm so sorry. He sounds horrible. Disgusting thing to call you. And he has form for this? That's not how loving people treat their partners...

What do you want to do?

Fuck him, op. Poor you..that is very hurtful.

Is it one comment though?

Beyond unacceptable - it’s fucking unforgivable.

Personally i would never, ever forget that someone had said that to me, so I would probably have to split up because all respect would be gone.

Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Fuck him, seriously, what a disgusting, vile, misogynistic cunt.

He’s a perfect physical specimen, presumably?

Arsehole.

I’d never heard of that (stupid, horrible) ‘word’ before. I can’t believe a man could say that to his partner and mother of his children. And you’ve just had a baby?! How low can he go?

I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve much, much better. He is horrible and what he has said is inexcusable. Good men don’t say shit like this.

Well, if you do decide to continue the marriage you really need to stand up for yourself, as PP have said. You cannot let him destroy your self-esteem and confidence.

You need to have a very firm conversation with him about how he is treating you. Call him on it! Don't be sad, get angry. If he can't respect and value you, he needs to get the fuck out!

God I haven’t heard that word in years. That’s a disgusting thing to call you, never mind the fact you’ve just given birth to his child. The leaving you to do bath and bed by yourself is a final f you.

I mean I hear what you say about splitting the family unit over one incident but how much lower can he go?

Can you ask him to leave for a period of time to give you some space?

Seriously, you need to find your anger. Tomorrow you tell him that if he ever speaks to you like that again, you're over. And you mean it. He has massively crossed a line here.

"I don't know what to do. On the face of it, it seems mad to throw away a marriage and our children's family unit for one comment but I can't think anyone who cared for me at all would ever ever say something so hurtful. I mean, he said it to make me feel low."

it's not the only time he will have verbally abused you, and he'll do it again.

you will probably change your mind about 'throwing away a family unit' once your children refer to you in the same manner. they will learn from him.

I'd never forgive or forget that. My ex said similar and worse and I stayed because I didn't know if I should break up a family over it. But I never forgot and I never loved him the same after he said those things. We are long divorced now and I don't have a single regret. I'm sorry OP. It's a dreadful thing to say to a woman at any time but especially when you've just grown his child in your fantastic body.

On the face of it, it seems mad to throw away a marriage and our children's family unit for one comment but I can't think anyone who cared for me at all would ever ever say something so hurtful.

But it wasn’t just once, was it OP? He is continuing to be vile to you, and he has done it before. It’s painful to realise you should not be with this man, when you have two small children to bring up. But he’s going to go on hurting you, and probably your children too. I would make plans for leaving, and start by finding out what support is avsilable.
Best of luck, OP. You deserve better.

I also didn't know what it meant. Partly because I don't have any need for this language and nor does anyone I know. Because we are not horrible, horrible people.

I'm so sorry. You are so very vulnerable after birth - it was a long time ago for me and I can still feel the vulnerability if I think about those weeks after birth. I can feel it in your message. It's a time when your family should be closing around you to protect you and keep you safe while you heal and nurture your baby. For him to say this to you now is unspeakable. It would be unspeakable at any time but if someone said that to me now I would be so angry I might commit a crime. If someone had said that to me then I would not know what to do with myself.

Please take the advice of the ladies on this board and protect yourself.

I'd never heard of a gunt before either.
What a truly awful word. Yet another word to demean women.
A man who uses that word to describe any woman, let alone the mother of his 15 week old baby, needs to be booted out.
Awful. Just awful.

Ugh. First, there's the body shaming and the sexualised misogyny of his language ("you've got a gut" is one thing, though very insensitive under the circumstances - but what is this edgy 13yo boy "gunt" business? Why even bring cunts into it - it is a gut or a belly).

But then - "he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment" -- you were at your parents' house, no? Presumably they are aware that women gain weight during pregnancy and retain it afterwards, since they themselves are parents? And presumably they didn't mind you having a glass of wine - which does not constitute "swilling" - since they presumably offered it to you? What was there to be embarrassed about? Who would he think was judging you - and why would it reflect on him even if someone had been?

...he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children. Of course he did.

But it isn't one word, it is simply the new low in a string of cutting things he has said to you, as you've stated.

I'm so sorry, what an awful man. That is a despicable word and way to describe a woman.

You just brought a new life in to the world. You deserve more respect. You are the mother of his child, not a z list actress in a porno.
Cheek of him.

As hard as it is... Do. Not. Feel. Sad. Feel angry. This is a power battle and he is has found the worst awful comment to say to you as the lowest blow. One he knew hit you at your most vulnerable. Do not let him have that power over you! This is not about you. It is all about him.

Of course you don't want to throw away a marriage and your children's family unit because of one comment. If he was caring and loving the rest of the days, ok, maybe you can get over this. It is a very very hurtful comment though.

As harsh as it sounds, you may wish to be careful, maybe even consult a lawyer quietly, and to be savvy about the family's financial issues. Look out for yourself in every way possible. And if you have friends or family nearby, reach out to them for emotional support as you're not going to get it from him.

And he thinks it is an ok thing to say! No careful tiptoeing around it. No remorse.