My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

OP, do you have a good friend you can chat to? There is no need to do anything tonight and to be honest, a cup of tea and some sleep will be good for everyone.
It must be very stressful for you both, having a new baby and then coping in lockdown.
That doesn't excuse abusive behaviour and a serious conversation is needed. That said, there is absolutely no rush. Take some breaths, no one is in any danger. Look after yourself and see what tomorrow brings.

He sounds revolting and you deserve far better, OP.

that’s a shocking turn of phrase, so sorry to hear this, unbelievable disrespect to you

Never ever did I even know it was a word.

Now I know that it is, your DH is a cunt.

One of the nastiest things I've ever heard. What a cruel and vile man he is.

OP - you can do so much better

say: “do you know what, you’re absolutely right, I do have a ‘gunt’ I need to get rid of. It’s you.”

Dear god that is awful. Completely unforgivable. It’s hard enough coming to terms with what pregnancy and childbirth can do to our bodies. The last thing you would expect is for your husband to be so cruel about it.

You do NOT have to put up with this. There are men out there who would respect you and appreciate that your body is changed from growing the child you share. Please don’t put up with this shit.

Nasty prick.

Yeh i thought it was a typo for gut. What does he expect from you?!!!! And why is he so entitled?

This is interesting because I actually have a gunt (although I didn’t know that until 30 seconds ago when I googled it) and I am acutely aware of it and frankly it ruins my day every single day because it’s there, it’s really hard to hide, it gets sweaty and it looks horrendous.

I feel bad about it for my DH too as there I am with this overhang while everyone else seemingly has a lovely flat stomach even after multiple kids. But he has never once mentioned it to me, and has never made me feel self conscious.

I would gently suggest your DH isn’t a very nice person if he feels it’s in any way justified or acceptable to comment on your body whether in a normal discussion or mid argument. It’s personal, designed to hurt, and he knows that.

I wouldn’t be able to come back from a comment like that. That would be a bridge burned for me.

Oh lord, I also had a baby 14 weeks ago and if my DH said this he’d be moving into his mothers!
Arsehole!

He is a gob-shite wanker prick. A complete bowl of dicks.

Sorry OP

OP your body has done an amazing thing in growing and giving birth to your baby, you should feel proud of yourself, please don’t let this horribly cruel man take that away from you.

I think actually saying anything about your appearance such as gunt is vile. But what is even worse is that he called you an embarrassment while you were just relaxing in your parents home? That is hateful and nothing short of cruel

What an awful, ugly and demeaning word. And to the woman whose body just spent nine months growing and carrying his child.

I'd find it very hard to ever forget that. OP, I'm so sorry, whatever you choose to do please know, there are decent men in the world who would not treat anyone like this, particularly someone they are supposed to love.

Oh you poor thing he sounds fucking vile. No one looks skinny 15 weeks post baby we’re not supposed to, I’m sure you look like the most beautiful person in the world to your baby and that’s all that matters. Have another glass of wine and start making plans to get rid of that horrible twat, you deserve SO much better

Cruel at any time but more so as you've not long given birth, we all carry extra weight after growing a tiny human. He has no respect for you. If he doesn't apologise it's decision time put up and shut up or leave. Virtual hug

He's vile. Get rid of this worthless prick.

As an aside I am now slightly worried I'm developing a gunt now I know what one is.

I had no idea what that was either, so googled it and my jaw hit the floor. I cannot believe your husband would, firstly feel embarrassment of you and second express it so viciously. What a vain, vile little cunt.
I would require absolute grovelling and sorrowful regret to get past that, and even then I can't imagine trusting him too quickly. I'm so sorry, completely unacceptable and immature thing to say. Utter cunt.

Yeh it is horrible when you discover you have a child with an pleasant inconsiderate arsehole.

I don't know what to do. On the face of it, it seems mad to throw away a marriage and our children's family unit for one comment but I can't think anyone who cared for me at all would ever ever say something so hurtful. I mean, he said it to make me feel low.*

Sometimes one single remark makes the scales fall. Mine was about dinner - I was making it because he's a lazy fucker who can't cook and he said I did something in the wrong sequence - calling me a stupid cunt. And like you, our relationship was full of me being called names and being a dryshite for not having a sense of humour about it. I remember, being spoon in hand, thinking "he's going to make fun of me and call me names to our [future] kids. And they will laugh along with daddy and not know any better" And something about my future just...became as clear as day.

He said something incredibly hurtful, and the kind of comment that you'll always remember as The Moment You Knew.
You just birthed a human! Of course your body doesn't ping back - nobody's does. Mine took a year and even not quite the way it was. You might take a bit longer to sort out any gunt he thinks you have but you've a massive cunt in your life you could sort out instantly...

OP, you are married to a disgusting piece of shit. My friend was married to a man like this. It took 7 years but she finally left him and is now living a happy life without him. My DP, on the the hand never said anything but lovely positive stuff to me when our DD was the age of your DD. My DD is now 6 and I bet my gunt is bigger than yours, and whilst I hate it, my DP has never made any negative comment about my body. This is the only acceptable way to behave.

OP, you are worth so much more than this. I can’t say what you should do but it must be miserable staying with this man.

What an utterly disgusting thing to say to his wife and the mother of his children. To say it to anyone in fact.

What a pathetic, despicable piece of shit he is. He should be utterly ashamed of himself.

The whole point of marriage is that you’re on each other’s team, you’re meant to be friends apart from anything else. Someone who is on your team would not say that to you.

I’m really sorry OP, you didn’t deserve that and it must be so hard to hear such hate filled bile from the person who is supposed to love you. I hope you tell him that he’s said something unforgivable and gone massively down in your estimation, that a decent man, husband and father would never say such vile things and that he should be ashamed.

I don’t think I could ever get past it.

@BluebellForest836 this isn't about me. I wouldn't allow anyone to speak to me in such a derogatory manner. The issue is though, she had a child 15 months ago, I'm sure her other half has qualities, and it's not always a case of, get rid. It's easy for everyone on here to offer a simplistic view but life isn't always like that. I can be extremely cutting when riled, but it doesn't make me a bad person because I have the capacity to apologise and try and change. Her other half may be mortified tomorrow, and be full of apologies all day. If of course, he doesn't see the error of his ways, then it doesn't bode well. It should not be a knee jerk decision though.

15 weeks ago

I’ve a belly but then I’m 53 now, dh and are not perfect but we love each other, he’s a disgrace your baby still only a few month.