My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

I didn't know what a gunt was and had to look it up and all I can say now is your husband is a total shit box for shaming you like that. You had a baby three months ago, FFS! I don't want to rush straight into saying LTB, because you haven't said anything about what he's like in general, but if my partner said that to me I wouldn't easily forgive or forget it.

You were relaxing at your parents house and he made you come home and then bath both a 15 week baby and child and put them to bed because you had a large glass of wine! wtaf!!

He's an arse and you deserve better, he also shouldn't be letting you bath your baby after a large glass of wine, he should have offered. He clearly doesn't care about you or the baby.

I'm afraid this is quite a big deal. My ex only 'cared' about me when I looked good. When I had 4 children and gained weight he constantly criticised me and my body. Things got worse and worse and eventually he walked out when the boys were in their teens.

This badly affected the boys and I often wish I had had the strength to leave him when they children were young, it would have been better all round.

I'm afraid his obvious disdain for you shows he doesn't really care, he should be glad you were unwinding and having a nice time. And a size14 is not fat, it is only a dream for some people!

I'm in a spare room with baby for this evening. He's still annoyed with me because I snapped at him for being a miserable tosser at my parents house, this whole situation escalated because he was being a miserable wanker. I did say he was controlling for the point regarding the wine -making me feel as though I was being an irresponsible mother and a drunk.

I don't know what I'll do. I can't even imagine getting past a comment like that, I feel so hurt and broken. I could stay with my parents for a while and see how I feel about it. I don't want to tell anyone in real life what he's said to be because I'm just so embarrassed that my husband and the father of my children would say that to me. It seems a lot easier to admit on an anonymous forum. I feel so trapped and just so so sad. I've just had a baby.

Your poor thing OP. I'm so sorry. I too had never heard that word before, what a vile, horrible expression. I agree with everyone else on here: LTB. You deserve so much more than being called horrendous, degrading names.

That is beyond disgusting and I wouldn't be able to return to a loving relationship from that. I would be wondering what if any (pleasant) feelings he had towards me to say something so spiteful. In fact it isn't just spiteful, if is designed to completely humiliate and shame you. My feelings would be the same had you not just had a baby too. I'm so angry for you and hope you're ok

He's just screamed his lack of love and respect for you, I hope you heard that and not what he said. It would be a deal breaker for me... and I have one!

That’s actually one of the most revolting insults I’ve ever heard of and I have a mouth live a sailer. I love the word cunt, but to use it in a manner like that as an insult is repulsive and I could never get past it.

It's unspeakably cruel. There is no excuse for it. None.

Do you want your children to grow up seeing their parents bicker and throw cruel words at each other?

It's not a childhood I'd want to give them.

You deserve better.

He’s horrible and he won’t get better. Go to your folks, they love you.

Madness to stay with someone so cruel = you’d have a better chance of happiness picking someone at random on the street than this nasty, hateful person.

I just had to look up 'gunt' as I've never heard it before, and oh my goodness if my husband said that to me I would not be happy!!! What a cock.

I'm usually really chilled with taking the piss out of each other but that is really harsh.
He's got to apologise for that one

I am so sorry. What an incredibly cruel and mean thing to say to you at anytime but especially shortly after having a baby.

@frillyflamingo

I'm in a spare room with baby for this evening. He's still annoyed with me because I snapped at him for being a miserable tosser at my parents house, this whole situation escalated because he was being a miserable wanker. I did say he was controlling for the point regarding the wine -making me feel as though I was being an irresponsible mother and a drunk.

I don't know what I'll do. I can't even imagine getting past a comment like that, I feel so hurt and broken. I could stay with my parents for a while and see how I feel about it. I don't want to tell anyone in real life what he's said to be because I'm just so embarrassed that my husband and the father of my children would say that to me. It seems a lot easier to admit on an anonymous forum. I feel so trapped and just so so sad. I've just had a baby.

No OP, the shame is his, not yours. I think you can see by the universally horrified response you've had on here.

And I'm not surprised at all that this started because he was being miserable and horrible to begin with.

I think getting some support would be really wise. Would your parents usually be supportive? Please do find someone - family or friend - to talk to IRL about this as well as on here. Abuse thrives on shame and secrecy and he is abusive. You have done nothing wrong and you have nothing to b ashamed of.

OP whilst I think this comment is abhorrent, you are still mid fight. Perhaps take the time at your parents and see if your husband can appreciate how low he went and sincerely apologise. Is there a back story or this a total one off?
Please please don’t get too down

Why are YOU the one contemplating leaving?
If he's unhappy with how you look or your behaviour (both of which there is not a single problem with) then he can do the fucking off!

And it's hard to see from the inside, but a family unit is not always the best thing for children. Epecially if the father of said unit is such an unrepentant bucket of shit who sees fit to verbally and emotionally abuse the mother of his children.

whats his weak spot?
find it and rub salt into it so it never ever heals up

Telling your partner they’re an embarrassment is humiliating, I’d be really upset by that alone. The comment about your body is nasty.

I’d be looking for some changes. Be dignified, he’s made a huge mistake I think.

I'd have packed his bags by now.

You deserve so much more Op, you’ve just given birth to his child. LTB and tell him you can get rid of your gunt but he’ll always be a Twunt (twat/cunt)

he has treated you with complete contempt, you should not allow him to gaslight his way out of this

You don't need to make any permanent decisions now.

You could choose to go to your parents for a few days for a bit of support and healing.

The best thing you can do is to talk about this openly to your closest friends and/or parents to take control of the situation. Do not accept the shame - it is not yours to carry. Do what you need to do to look after yourself.

What an awful thing to say!

Awful thing to say. Horrible person

You've had a baby during a global pandemic. He's deliberately sabotaged what should have been a lovely day with your parents in an unforgivably cruel way.

Please tell your family or a friend and get the love, kindness and support that you deserve.

What a vile man to say that to his wife. Baby or no baby!