My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

His issue was that he felt my mother, sister and I were forming some bitch pack to criticise his parenting, which we absolutely were not but I can see how he has drawn that conclusion

That was the occasion, not the cause.

His issue is that he isn't the lord of all he surveys in your mum's home. An allied issue is that you clearly felt at ease there, not mindful of him or his mood. And he probably felt resentful if you and the baby and older child got attention and affection from your mum and sister.

You say he is an amazing father, but your mum and sister don't share your opinion. What were they saying to him about his parenting?

Next time you want to spend an afternoon at your mum's, will he want to go?
Will he find an excuse to stay home?
Will you feel you need to cut short your visit in order to mind his feelings?
Will he make you choose between hurting his feelings by forcing him to go with you, or hurting his feelings by going on your own?
Will a visit with a baby and small child and no husband there to share the parenting be stressful for you?

Are you likely to stay away from your mum's house or think twice about making plans to visit as a result of this incident?

If you think you will need to massage his feelings over this, and visit your mum less, then his non-apology has accomplished two abusive goals - the insult is still in place, and you become a little isolated from your family.

Yeh agree @mathanxiety
The next time you go to yr family, will you be on edge and cut visiit short so that he is sslightly less bad humoured. That is a slippery slope

How hurtful and incredibly rude of your husband to say that.

I hope he apologised to you.

What’s with the ‘gunt’ and ‘bitch pack’ language? I’ve never heard those expressions before. He’s referring to you and your family with that horrible language.

What is a gunt ?

Yes please do show him the thread so that he can see what we think of him.

To him: You are inadequate in EVERY way that matters. I hope you will think about your vileness every time you look in the mirror and see that actually, you're not all that and a bag of chips. Whatever you look like, you're inadequate.

For you OP: You deserve and will get better. Someone who cherishes you and your body in all its changes, good and not so glorious. You're perfect... or you will be as soon as you get rid of the excuse for a 'husband'. He's just nothing.

VesperLynne RTFT FFS

I am a very forgiving patient person but I actually would end things over this. That he would say something so disgusting to someone he is supposed to love and cherish. Who gave him 2 children.
No one who really loves you or even likes you would ever say something so vile.

He has shown you his true colours OP, you must pander to him at all times otherwise he will be pissed off and belittle you. And the misogynistic language was used to put you firmly back in your place.

People who are in healthy loving relationships talk about their feelings without the need for being arseholes about it, why couldn’t he just say to you “@frillyflamingo I’m feeling a bit left out here” as opposed to calling you bloody vile names ?

Do not show him the thread.

If you do, next time you try to use any of the insights on this thread to challenge his entitlement he will not credit you with having that standard.

He will think he has lost control of you - to mumsnet. Or the back slapping lesbians on mumsnet as my x called 'them' 😂

Presumably, Winnerella, OP would name-change. She'd be safe then.

I'd love her husband to read what everybody thinks of him.

He would probably not value the opinion of a bunch of fat mums who are also feeling past it. Im speaking through his lens there! Ykwim.

He would only see her as a vessel, her head now filled with fatbellied lesbofeminazi propaganda!
I doubt he'd feel shamed, reflect on his behaviour and see it for the manipulation and resentment it is and strive to be a better husband and person.

This is the man who kicked off because he felt out of the supportive loop, felt criticised.

I think this thread would make him really angry!
A load of fat cows with baggy fannies telling his wife not to feel inadequate!! 🤬
He'd be raging. She should be focusing on his good points and blind to his bad points.

Couldn’t read and ignore.

Sorry OP but that is not how anyone should talk to the mother of their children. Even in anger, you deserve better.

Needs a serious seat down and discussion.

What is a gunt is definitely the new cancel the cheque.

I hope you are ok today OP. He is entirely out of order and I agree with a PP not to show him this thread. He won’t take it in. I’d seriously be thinking about ending things.

Oh my god. I've never heart gunt but having read it's essentially a gut-cunt cross that is fucking vile.

You've just had a baby! Does he expect the female body to just snap back like elastic.

He'd be out on his arse.

Fuck him.

I mean I'm not saying I'd 100% leave him. But he'd have some massive massive making up to do

Wow, first of all, you are amazing for having the drive to lose at a rate of 1-2 lbs a week! That is no easy thing, especially with a very young baby let alone without one.
Secondly, this sounds like a really mean comment? I didn't know what the word meant but someone explained it and it seems not only very nasty, but quite derogatory about a woman's body. Very cruel to say when you are already self conscious following a recent childbirth and such a body changing event. He needs to be aware of how hurtful this is.
Sending hugs as I can imagine you're feeling upset/alone/not great about yourself after that comment. 🌸💕