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Original poster

Inlaws

315 replies

snoopy18 · 16/05/2019 07:33

In-laws are headed over staying for close to 6 weeks 🤦🏾‍♀️

Baby is almost 10 weeks so they are coming to visit.

Any tips on getting through 6 weeks?

Other half is off for 4 thankfully but isn’t a planner & right now... zero plans 🤦🏾‍♀️

OP posts:
fedup21 · 16/05/2019 07:35

That is a long time. Mine have only ever stayed for 3 days and that was too much.

Can you move?!

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2019 07:36

Depends. Are they helpful? Nice? Kind? Do you have plenty of room?

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2019 07:37

I assume they’ve come from abroad-will they go off and do touristy things?

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 16/05/2019 09:09

6 weeks is an awful long time to visit especially when you have a new born baby. Even if they are lovely and helpful people I would struggle to host anyone for that long.

Your DP may not be a planner but I would make it very clear to him that he needs to sort some arrangements to ensure their stay is as stress free as possible for both you and them. It will be lovely for them to spend some time with their new grandchild but if they are staying for an extended visit they need to go on days out etc as otherwise you will all begin to get on one each others nerves.

Do you live in an area that has plenty of things to do or has access to places that are like this?

Stick to your preferred routine for baby as 6 weeks is too long to disrupt this.
Maybe make a meal planner and rota so everyone can pitch in to help.
Make sure you have plans for time with just you, your DP and baby as you can't possibly be on host duty 24/7 for 6 weeks.
If you need some space at any point then make sure you communicate this to DP as otherwise the tension will build and tempers will fray.

Good luck

churchthecat · 16/05/2019 09:49

Fake your own death and move into a hotel?

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/05/2019 09:52

If having a baby gets you 6 weeks with your in-laws I'd be celibate, and I like mine.

FinallyHere · 16/05/2019 09:56

After the initial welcome how lovely to see you, don't make any effort to 'host' them. Guest don't stay for six weeks, they are part of the household.

You have a baby to look after, let DH take the strain. You need him to see what and effort it is, so that he sends them in their way.

Congratulations on your baby.

PerfectPeony2 · 16/05/2019 10:00

Can’t they just stay for 4 weeks? (unless you want them to stay of course).

Otherwise like PP said, don’t host them.

When my baby was 10 weeks I would have hated this! I couldn’t have anyone in my space when I was caring for the baby and still figuring things out.

goose1964 · 16/05/2019 10:03

It depends on the in-laws. If I was staying with my son and family and he was at work I'd be helping out, cooking meals and looking after the baby so the parents could catch up on sleep. I would be capable of doing things like sightseeing by myself.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/05/2019 10:10

Are they in your house for 6 weeks?!?!
I'd nope the hell out of that bullshit!!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 16/05/2019 10:16

That sounds awful. What are your in-laws like?

I'd be making it clear to DH that they (including their food, sleeping arrangements and entertainment) are his responsibility. You will be busy with the baby.

Don't feel you have to spend every second of every day with them. This is a good time in the baby's life and in your Mat leave to get out and make friends, meet other mums, join baby groups etc. don't miss the boat on this stuff in order to amuse PIL, as these connections can help keep you sane long term.

Good luck, please update us on how you go

lessnoisepls · 16/05/2019 10:28

Have you got plenty space for them OP?

I have a similar situation, my inlaws come and stay for long periods of time and my bedroom becomes my absolute haven during that time.

Don't worry about seeming antisocial- it's absolutely fine!!!
You need it for your sanity.
Have alone time as often as you can. If they start knocking on your door etc, get your partner to explain you don't want to be disturbed in your room and could they respect that.
Staying for 6 weeks they should.

Whats the reason for the super long visit? Do they live far away?
I feel for you, I hope this doesn't become a regular thing, I suggest in future, unless you have an extremely large house where you can avoid them for days (Like I can haha) - you make some excuses about it all being a bit cramped and it would be better for visit of 5 days max, or suggest they get a hotel - easier said than done.

Just remove yourself, try not to let them get to you too much - let your DP take the majority of the entertaining/hanging out with them - hope it exhausts and annoys him and puts him off doing it again Wink xx

bigchris · 16/05/2019 10:32

You need plans

You need to make it quite clear to dh that he needs to take his parents out at least once a day, may be sometimes with the baby even for a short walk so the baby sleeps while you rest

bigchris · 16/05/2019 10:34

My in laws don't stay with us any more, they stay in a premier inn , and that's just for 2 or 3 nights , I hate that walking around in a dressing gown trying to be cheerful when you just want to be alone and enjoy a coffee in leave without having to make conversation

Summerorjustmaybe · 16/05/2019 10:37

"You need plans"
Escape plans imo!!
Week 2 maybe a new patio?

canveyisland · 16/05/2019 12:42

Having any couple to stay for that length of time would try the relationship to its limit, let alone ILs. You shouldn't being worrying about guests when you have a newborn, it's madness.

IIWM I would replan the visit and turn it into a week with you, followed by a break of 2-3 weeks and then they stay for another week after that. During that time they will be expected to organise themselves and go out every day for several hours to give you some peace and quiet.

You need small doses of them because there is no MIL and FIL on earth that doesn't have their own irritating daily routine that they want to follow out of habit while they are at your house. I used to find the whole fuss and drama of it quite exhausting.

Hotels and B&Bs are a great idea, just don't get roped in to offering to help pay or you'll always be having to do that. I happened once to me and that was the end of it, they only came for the day after. It was 200 miles so it wasn't very frequent thank the lord.

lalablab · 16/05/2019 13:01

6 WEEKS?! Shock

Original poster
snoopy18 · 16/05/2019 14:23

Glad you all see where I’m coming from as he just doesn’t seem to get it.

They do live abroad though and that’s why it’s such a lengthy time but it’s still frustrating that they haven’t bothered to hire an apartment or Airbnb in the area so at least they would have their own space & us have ours.

Our house is a 2 bed with the other room being my office - he’s completely disregarded that too & they will be staying in that room 🙄 I’m not happy about that either.

At first he planned to have just 2 weeks off I said that’s a complete no sorry! so now he has 4 weeks off - 2 weeks as they come & back end 2 weeks. I’m aiming to tell him they need to go see their family or friends during the 2 weeks he is at work as I’m not down with hosting them.

I haven’t stayed with them before as they live abroad - I don’t know them fully which makes it more awkward in my opinion.

You guys are right in terms of cooking etc I’m going to leave them to do it my main priority is the baby not anyone else right now.

They’ve made zero plans & that’s just annoying also. I get they want to spend time with baby but at the moment he’s sleeping lots during the day anyway & when he is awake it’s for feed change and bit of play time and back to sleep. I’m anxious about them moaning about things too ie I mix feed for example and can’t be dealing with people intervening with opinions etc.

Wish we had a outhouse 😂 we have a conservatory.... 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
snoopy18 · 16/05/2019 14:23

I’m not paying for any accommodation etc wouldn’t mind but they are well off too 🙄

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 16/05/2019 14:25

Fuck.that.
I couldn't do 6 days!

Hollowvictory · 16/05/2019 14:26

I would not like that. I'd say they have to book hotel. But you didn't so presumably you're fine with it.

PerfectPeony2 · 16/05/2019 14:28

Wow that’s going to be intense. Mine stayed a couple of hours max.. I’d just say no and make them stay at an air b n b the whole time with planned visits. Just come up with an excuse like you’re not well or still getting to grips with breastfeeding.

Don’t sacrifice the precious time with your baby.

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2019 14:34

Because of course most people can easily afford extended stays in hotels.....

desparate4sleep · 16/05/2019 14:38

Wow that sounds awful. I wouldn't tell them you are mix feeding tell them you are breastfeeding and you are not comfortable doing it in front of them so this gives you an excuse to go to your room for an escape several times per day. Invent a wedding weekend that you are going to when your DP goes back to work and go and stay with your mum.
This would be my idea of hell.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/05/2019 14:40

JFC. Does your mum live near by?