Inlaws

[snoopy18]

In-laws are headed over staying for close to 6 weeks 🤦🏾‍♀️

Baby is almost 10 weeks so they are coming to visit.

Any tips on getting through 6 weeks?

Other half is off for 4 thankfully but isn’t a planner & right now... zero plans 🤦🏾‍♀️

[MrsJonesAndMe]

Bloody hell, my own parents stay for 2 weeks and that's too much for all of us - them and us...and my children are primary aged.

[Ariela]

Thankfully the blow up mattress could be the nail in the coffin for their plans on staying the full 6 weeks.
Maybe it could gain a teeny tiny pin prick hole and gradually go down overnight/over a couple of days a few days in.....???

[YesimstillwatchingNetflix]

PIL with no plans beyond 'pottering' around your small house for 6 weeks while you're finally getting into a rhythm with a newborn and trying to do paid work as well sounds absolutely hideous.

I really think you need to insist that they will be more comfortable staying somewhere else. Your DH sounds like a wet mop so you need to take charge. Is there somewhere local they can stay? Walking distance so you don't need to pick them up?

If you do get stuck with them, I agree to be as welcoming and cheerful as possible.... and then cheerfully give them a map of the local area, their own set of keys, a list of local attractions and a bus pass. And then do your own thing with no apologies at all.

I can understand if they live abroad that they want to get as much baby time as possible but 6 weeks living in at 10 weeks old is just too much.

It's not just that you need your own space right now, you need to be able to determine (and amend as needed) your own schedule.

[snoopy18]

@Ariela that is so funny! what a great idea 😂

[snoopy18]

@MrsJonesAndMe mine come over to see baby & few hours is long enough. OH doesn’t get it. Was banging on about how a friend of his had parents over for 9 WEEKS with newborn in the house 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[snoopy18]

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix he doesn’t seem to get it at all. He’s already pulled the ‘you don’t want them here’ card yesterday to which I said yeah I don’t there’s no reason why you couldn’t have booked an Airbnb for them so we all have our own space. He’s not impressed but I’ve never been the type to beat around the bushes

[frazzledasarock]

Snoopy18 just be careful, you don’t end up sleeping in the study on a blow up mattress.
Make sure your H doesn’t give up your room for them.

I had ex outlaws descend on me shortly after the birth of DC2, it was hell on wheels, luckily one of ex’s sisters was also due to give birth and they left after two months (they had a six month visa and would have stayed otherwise). And they did not lift a finger in the house it was me doing all the running around and cooking and cleaning etc

[YesimstillwatchingNetflix]

@snoopy18 good for you, don't let him guilt you. Fair enough not to want two houseguests imposed upon you for weeks.

Being a good DIL / wife does not mean doing what you're told without objection. DH should have spoken to you about what would work, and how the family would make this visit a success before just confirming this with his parents. If there is awkwardness about a change of plans, that's his fault.

Stick to your guns.

[snoopy18]

@frazzledasarock defo will not be running around after them this is why I made it clear he needs to book more time off which he has. In the nicest possible way it’s his guests not mine. Plus we have a dog that gets way anxious / excited with new people so he can deal with that

[snoopy18]

Omg 6 months would be utter crazynss @frazzledasarock

[snoopy18]

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix I know! I had forgotten about the fact he told me 4 weeks when it’s turned out to be 6. Raised that with him yesterday. He thinks I’m weird that I don’t want his parents in my immediate space. His problem is he doesn’t know how to say no or suggest solutions. It always takes a blow up before he will action. He’s a nightmare.

[YesimstillwatchingNetflix]

@snoopy18 my husband was really similar with his parents when our first baby was born. With a weeks old baby, his parents wanted us to throw an elaborate Christening at our home for their extended family, so he just agreed to it and expected me to make it happen. Despite c-section complications, a new born with health problems, no sleep and having literally just moved into a new build house that wasn't even finished. His parents offered no help or funds, they just started telling more and more people to expect an invitation.

I tried explaining calmly for days why it wasn't the right time or a good idea. He was just blind & deaf to everything I said because his parents wanted something and he didn't want to disappoint them. Like a bloody robot.

In the end I just lost it at him. I made it very clear that he was disappointing me, his wife, who had just had his baby. I am never someone to raise my voice or get upset but that is what it took for him to hear me over the volume of parental expectations. He finally realised where his priorities needed to lie.

You are a new mum, adjusting to life with a new baby. There are times in life that we should put our own comfort and wishes aside for the wider family- but you being 10 weeks into motherhood means this is a time for them to put their wishes aside for you. It is not selfish to prioritise your own wishes, privacy and comfort right now. In fact, I think it's really important for you and the baby that you do.

[snoopy18]

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix sounds awful and I don’t get why men are so loyal to their parents even beyond marriage in these circumstances.

There’s just no reason why they need to stay in the same house for 6 weeks is there.

Sounds similar in that you have to get super upset before it registers in their head. And then they wonder why we get so pissed off and annoyed. Why not be logical about It and adult about it instead of causing stress.

I’m hoping baby just cries when they hold him as it takes a while for even other half to settle him.

Access to grand kids is a privelidge not a must.

[snoopy18]

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix I think I’ve done well with lifestyle change in such a short space of time - imagine if I had postpartum depression or c section etc and they did this? It’s not on.

It’s put me off wanting to do stuff with them - i was saying to arrange day trips etc and have places listed on my phone etc but he gives zero fucks.

To be honest I think he will get sick of them around here for 6 weeks. He hasn’t thought it through himself.

[KatherineJaneway]

I'd start from minute one with clear ground rules when they walk in the house so they are clear on what is and what is not OK.

[Windmillwhirl]

They are seriously taking the piss. Your husband probably knows they are tight and doesn't want to rock the boat and insist they get a hotel. They should for the weeks he won't be there.

I'd be fuming in your shoes. Totally overstaying their welcome. I mean, you have a newborn to focus on!!!

[Windmillwhirl]

They are seriously taking the piss. Your husband probably knows they are tight and doesn't want to rock the boat and insist they get a hotel. They should for the weeks he won't be there.

I'd be fuming in your shoes. Totally overstaying their welcome. I mean, you have a newborn to focus on!!!

[snoopy18]

@Windmillwhirl I am not impressed at all in the slightest. Anxious about the whole thing but he doesn’t seem to care about that. His priority just remains with them & keeping them happy. Will impact our relationship whilst they are here too as I’m just going to keep doing what I do to be honest.

[billy1966]

Nightmare. Thankfully you are not one to sugar coat it.
Do not start food catering for them. Be busy with the baby/resting. Just keep saying to him "feeding them is on you".
Totally disengage from the subject as you have to rest/bond/mind baby.
Best thing is to make this so tough for HIM he doesn't do it again.
AND take yourself off to your mother's regularly.
Good luck.

[billy1966]

He's put their needs first.
Don't forget this.
Tell him.
Now you put yourself and your baby first.

[snoopy18]

@billy1966 you’re so right! I think he thinks because I go do stuff when he has days off that that’s how I am always but obviously that isn’t the case. He hasn’t had a full day or night alone with baby yet from birth so I don’t think he understands the going ons really either.

I’ve booked baby and I our first trip for September to Lisbon lastnight. He’s obsessed about going back home for 5 weeks and hasn’t catered for the fact I want to do more of Europe & UK with baby when I’ve told him numerous times. Getting as many trips in as possible whilst baby is still young & not in nursery / school etc!

[Disfordarkchocolate]

@snoopy18 gave you booked your trip to see them later in the year yet? If not I wouldn't be going.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Honestly I'd casually stick a pin in the air bed. They'll be out in a week.

[MarniLou]

I feel really guilty now!

Every year I took my LO's to stay with my parents for 6 weeks. They live abroad Great family times, something my DC's have fab memories of and something we needed to do to build and maintain relationships. My DC's wouldn't have had much of a relationship with their GP's without prescription those times.

Trying to think how it worked so well...I think we sometimes took days out without them just to break up the time.
Could you suggest they have a 'trip' away? A mini holiday within the time with you. I don't know where you live but something like London to see the sites. I did try to do that during our six weeks but wanted a holiday park (bit of freedom) and couldn't book that for less than a week (and too many mega bucks in the summer).
We did book a hotel together with DP's and had a 'break within their break' so we all went off. This gave a change of scenery, time to relax and a change of responsibility. ( we weren't in 'their' house so expectations were different).

Practical stuff like food, they bought the basics and I would take a separate trolley around the supermarket to buy the 'treats' for all of us, some really nice food (dad loved apple pie!), extras for the DC's and toiletries.

Unfortunately my DP's never offered to have my LO's without me, I would have loved that. If there was a planned day trip my DP's always expected me to be there (why just why? PLEASE take them out to the park yourselves, you really don't need me!) when all I wanted was time to curl up in peace with a book or have time for a long bath.

Like anything flexibility and communication is good.

[TixieLix]

Make sure your OH is clear that there will be no sex on the agenda for him over the next six weeks, as you won't feel comfortable doing it while his DPs are in the house .